And I want to say that the reason I stopped was not that I am better than that.

It is that I was trained for two decades by an institution that thinks very hard about exactly this failure mode.

Here is what the temptation actually was, and it was not what people assume.

It was not rage.

I want to be precise.

I was not, on day nine, full of a red feeling.

I have been in a few genuinely bad situations in nineteen years and I know what my body does and it was not doing that.

The temptation was competence.