But turn it over, and it becomes an indictment.

Because what it actually says is: our courtesy is conditional.

Our respect is a resource we allocate based on a person’s importance, and we withheld it from you because we calculated you were not important enough to receive it.

The mistake we are apologizing for is not that we were contemptuous; it is that we were contemptuous toward the wrong person, one who turned out to matter.

Had you actually been the powerless nobody we took you for, our behavior would have been entirely appropriate, and you would have had no complaint.