And Pamela had told Hannah, specifically, that talking about Rebecca made me sad, and that the kindest thing she could do for her father was not to bring her up.

My daughter had been carrying, for a year, the belief that mentioning her own mother hurt me.

That is why she apologized at the dinner table in March.

The deployments. This is the one I found hardest.

Pamela had explained to Hannah, more than once, that when I went away it was because I chose to — that adults get to pick, and that what a man picks tells you what he cares about.

A nine-year-old cannot evaluate that.