Children conflate.

She had said “give us a minute” and a nine-year-old had heard “stay here until it’s over,” and I had destroyed two lives on the basis of a game of telephone.

Phase two, weeks two and three: minimization. All right, she had said something like that, but under enormous stress, on the worst-timed day of her life, and no one should be judged on the ninety worst seconds of a wedding morning.

Phase three: the thesis. This was the one that ran longest, and it came in a four-page letter from her, and then in phone calls from two of her relatives.

The thesis was that a wife must be a man’s first priority.

That a marriage in which the child of a previous marriage outranks the spouse is not a marriage.