Others said a mother should never give up.

The advice often came from people who would leave my house and sleep without checking a telephone beside their pillow.

I tried to work, shop, cook, and remember appointments.

I did those things.

They simply existed around a question that never went away.

Then, one cold morning just before six, my doorbell rang.

I had been awake already.

Sleep had grown lighter over the years, and the house made small sounds that could still convince me someone was coming up the path.