I signed the check for three thousand one hundred twenty-five dollars and tore it out of the book.<\/p>\n
Gemma had it out of my hand before I could fold the flap. \u201cI can mail it on my way to the market,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe post office is the other direction.\u201d I adjusted my watch band and set my pen down straight. Gemma smiled at me. \u201cThe market has a mailbox, Margaret.<\/p>\n
I just wanted to make sure we have exactly the right dates.\u201d \u201cThe right dates for what?\u201d \u201cFor the deposit to land before the holiday rate locks.\u201d She slid the envelope into her bag.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou worry too much.\u201d The deposit had gone on my personal Visa on Monday.<\/p>\n
This check covered the second half. Twelve thousand five hundred dollars, all told, for the house in Sun Valley.<\/p>\n
I had written the names on a sticky note the week before.<\/p>\n
Lucas, Gemma, their three kids, Douglas, Beverly, Chloe, Thomas, the baby. Ten. I had not written mine.<\/p>\n
Someone had to look after the house, I told myself.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Someone had to be here when the furnace man came.<\/p>\n
Maybe that was why I noticed the receipt.<\/p>\n
It had been under the sugar bowl, the thin white slip from the card payment.<\/p>\n
I turned to the kettle for one second.<\/p>\n
When I turned back, the slip was gone, and Gemma was already in the hallway with both hands in her coat pockets.<\/p>\n
\u201cFresh legal pad?\u201d she asked, without turning around.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to start the room list.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBottom drawer by the phone,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
She turned the corner quickly, the way people do when they have finished a conversation before you have.<\/p>\n
I stood there with the kettle heating and the checkbook open on the counter.<\/p>\n
Nothing was wrong.<\/p>\n
The house was warm, the refrigerator hummed, and the organic juice boxes were lined up on the door shelf exactly as I had left them.<\/p>\n
Still, I put my hand on the checkbook and held it.<\/p>\n
By four, Lucas was in the living room with a stack of envelopes and a letter opener.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I brought my tea in and sat in the wing chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you see the Sun Valley brochure?<\/p>\n
The one with the floor plans.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sorted a cable bill to the left.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, I think Gemma put it somewhere.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSomewhere where?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, Mom, it\u2019s been a week.<\/p>\n
I have work mail to get through.\u201d He rubbed the back of his neck and slit another envelope.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A seed catalog slid out.<\/p>\n
Tomatoes in three colors, six dollars a packet.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are not ordering tomatoes in December,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
He half laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a catalog.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not ordering anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.<\/p>\n
The last thing we need is a box of seeds in the garage.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He put the catalog on the pile and did not look at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma is handling the room list.<\/p>\n
You should ask her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am asking you if you saw the brochure.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, I don\u2019t want to get in the middle of the sleeping arrangements.\u201d He said it fast, then pressed his thumb along the envelope seam.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know how she gets.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know how she gets,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
He reached for the next envelope and kept his eyes on the paper.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A phone bill, then a bank statement, then a yellow card from the dentist.<\/p>\n
He did not look up once.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour father used to order those tomato seeds,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou just dug the holes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stopped for a second.<\/p>\n
\u201cDad ordered them.<\/p>\n
I dug the holes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then he put the bank statement on top of the seed catalog and moved it again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
At eight I went down the hall to the linen closet and heard Gemma in the stair alcove.<\/p>\n
Her voice was low, but the house carries sound from there.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, ten passengers maximum.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s the whole point.<\/p>\n
If there are eleven, the insurance won\u2019t cover it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped with my hand on the closet door.<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
She turned, phone still at her ear, and ended the call with her thumb.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPassenger limits?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust a reservation thing, honey.\u201d She tapped her screen twice.<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing for you to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing for me to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve done so much already.\u201d She smiled and put the phone in her pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou should be resting.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWho was on the phone?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe rental company.<\/p>\n
They\u2019re very particular about vans.\u201d She said vans the way a person says a word they have practiced.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt eight at night?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re open late.\u201d She tapped the screen again, though the screen was dark.<\/p>\n
I went past her to the linen closet and got a fresh towel.<\/p>\n
When I came out, she was already in the kitchen with the legal pad under her arm.<\/p>\n
At nine I sat at the kitchen island to enter the deposit in my ledger.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I opened the bill drawer.<\/p>\n
No checkbook.<\/p>\n
I opened it again, wider.<\/p>\n
Pens, stamps, the tiny screwdriver, a rubber band around nothing.<\/p>\n
I adjusted my watch band and stood still.<\/p>\n
The bottom drawer stuck.<\/p>\n
It always stuck.<\/p>\n
I pulled it out with both hands, and there was the checkbook, under the takeout menus, lying on its side.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Lucas came into the kitchen with a glass for water.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you move this?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
He set the glass on the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy would I move your checkbook?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did not put it there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, maybe Gemma was looking for a pen.\u201d He rubbed the back of his neck.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s always losing pens.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma has her own pens.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He filled the glass at the sink and watched the water run.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a checkbook.<\/p>\n
Maybe you moved it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did not move it.\u201d<\/p>\n
He turned off the tap and took a drink.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have to get up early.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He stopped in the doorway but did not turn around.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you see the brochure?\u201d<\/p>\n
He let out a breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you.<\/p>\n
Ask Gemma.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then he went down the hall, and I heard the basement door shut.<\/p>\n
I put the checkbook on the counter and squared it with the edge of the ledger.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The deposit was written.<\/p>\n
The envelope was gone.<\/p>\n
The drawer was still half open, its track pushed back crooked on one side, a quarter inch of metal showing where it should not.<\/p>\n
I did not put the checkbook in that drawer.<\/p>\n
I did not see the receipt go.<\/p>\n
And no one in this house wanted to talk about a brochure.<\/p>\n
I stared down at the crooked drawer track in the kitchen.<\/p>\n
The drawer slid in crooked because the left runner had been bent, and I stood there with my hand still on the handle, wondering how a person bends a drawer runner without noticing.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Gemma\u2019s voice came from the dining room, bright and quick, the way she talked on the phone.<\/p>\n
I poured the tea and carried it in.<\/p>\n
She had a legal pad in front of her, one hand flat over most of the page, and a pen in the other.<\/p>\n
When I set the cup down, she slid the pad toward her chest and smiled up at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you, Margaret.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re just the sweetest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are working on something,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust organizing my own head.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Holiday things.\u201d<\/p>\n
She tapped the pad with the pen and pulled it closer to her body.<\/p>\n
I watched her thumb press down on the top corner.<\/p>\n
I sat across from her with my own cup, and we talked about the neighbor\u2019s dog and the price of cranberries, and her hand stayed right where it was the whole time.<\/p>\n
After a while she said, \u201cWe have plenty of time to figure out who sleeps where.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the edge of the yellow paper sticking out from under her arm.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cSo there is a where,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s always a where, Margaret.\u201d She laughed, light and quick.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what makes it fun.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then she tore the top sheet off, folded it in thirds, and slid it into her purse.<\/p>\n
\u201cI should get moving.<\/p>\n
Beverly is meeting me.\u201d<\/p>\n
She left her tea untouched.<\/p>\n
The front door had barely latched when I heard Douglas in the driveway.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
That man could not ask for a stick of gum without half the county hearing him.<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma.<\/p>\n
Gemma.<\/p>\n
Are the suite sizes confirmed or not?\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood at the kitchen window with my cup.<\/p>\n
The window over the sink had a smear across it from something, and I made a note to wipe it.<\/p>\n
Gemma said something quietly.<\/p>\n
Douglas laughed, big and flat.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I opened the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat suites?\u201d<\/p>\n
Douglas turned.<\/p>\n
He had his coat half on, one arm in and one arm out, and his keys went still in his hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret.<\/p>\n
There she is.<\/p>\n
The woman of the hour.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat suites?\u201d I said again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cDid I say suites?<\/p>\n
I meant rooms.<\/p>\n
Sleeping rooms.<\/p>\n
Just the layout of the house here, for the holidays.\u201d He got his other arm in and pulled his collar straight.<\/p>\n
\u201cAssigned tasks.<\/p>\n
Who does what.<\/p>\n
That kind of thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is no layout to work out here,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWe are all going to Idaho.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gemma touched his sleeve.<\/p>\n
\u201cDad, I told you I\u2019m handling it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHandling what?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHandling the packing,\u201d Douglas said, too loudly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have to go get my skis out of the rafters.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m too old to be climbing around in a garage.\u201d He was already walking to his car.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor the vacation,\u201d he added over his shoulder.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMy skis.<\/p>\n
For the vacation.<\/p>\n
See you later, Margaret.\u201d<\/p>\n
He backed out of the driveway fast enough that the mailbox post shook.<\/p>\n
Gemma gave me a small shrug and a smaller smile and pulled her car out behind him.<\/p>\n
I went back to the window and wiped that smear.<\/p>\n
Beverly let herself in at three without knocking.<\/p>\n
She had on a wool coat the color of oatmeal, and her mouth was set in that pleasant shape she used when she wanted a favor.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret.<\/p>\n
Have you seen a yellow pad with notes on it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma took it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid she?\u201d Beverly\u2019s eyes went to the counter.<\/p>\n
Then to the table.<\/p>\n
Then to the coat rack in the front hall, as if a legal pad might hang itself up there.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe put it in her purse,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHer purse.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Yes.\u201d She smoothed the front of her coat with both hands, pressing out wrinkles that were not there.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you think she would have left a copy?<\/p>\n
I\u2019m trying to finish the counts.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat counts?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSeating.<\/p>\n
For dinner.\u201d Beverly smiled at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt the resort.<\/p>\n
Whether they seat us all together, or whether we have to split up.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cSplit into what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGroups.\u201d She said it as if I had asked her to explain a very simple word.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a big party now, Margaret.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a lot to organize.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can call her,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe has a phone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Beverly\u2019s mouth tightened a fraction.<\/p>\n
Then she found something on the table that interested her and reached for it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It was a grocery receipt of mine, folded twice.<\/p>\n
She opened it and looked at it, and I watched her realize it was nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma mentioned suites,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cDouglas mentioned suites.<\/p>\n
You are talking about splitting us into groups.<\/p>\n
That is three people in one day.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSuite is just what they call the rooms at those places.<\/p>\n
It doesn\u2019t mean anything.\u201d She folded my receipt back up and set it down.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cIt certainly doesn\u2019t mean anything I came over here to start.\u201d<\/p>\n
She left the receipt on the table, walked out through the front hall, and let the door fall shut behind her without latching it.<\/p>\n
The brass plate on the jamb had a gap of a quarter inch.<\/p>\n
I went to the front closet for my good scarf, and while my hand was in there, I found Douglas\u2019s ski boots on the floor.<\/p>\n
They were packed already.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
One inside the other, with a sock jammed down in each, the way you pack when you are not coming back for them later.<\/p>\n
I shut the closet door and stood in the hall for a moment.<\/p>\n
At six I found Lucas in the living room with the television muted and his phone in his hand.<\/p>\n
He had his feet on my coffee table, on the corner where the finish had gone dull, and he moved them off when he heard me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI am not going to ask you again about the suites,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
There are no suites.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what did you all talk about in the van this afternoon?\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed the back of his neck.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat van?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook.\u201d He sat up.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s too early to plan.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s the whole answer.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It\u2019s November.<\/p>\n
The trip is in December.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s no reason to be doing room arrangements yet, and honestly, it\u2019s a little exhausting that I have to keep saying that.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat down in my chair across from him.<\/p>\n
The clock on the mantel clicked over.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomeone made a list,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma makes lists all day long.<\/p>\n
Lists of groceries.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Lists of what to pack.<\/p>\n
If you looked at half of them, you\u2019d see they\u2019re nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you have seen it.<\/p>\n
The paper.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the muted television, where a man in a gray suit was pointing at a map.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t say that,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said it would not matter if I looked at half of them.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stood up and put his phone in his pocket.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI have a work call.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOn a Sunday night?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSome of us work, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n
That landed, and he knew it landed, and he did not take it back.<\/p>\n
He walked toward the study, the door already swinging shut behind him.<\/p>\n
I sat there in the living room with my hands folded and the television muttering to no one.<\/p>\n
Then I went back to the dining room, pulled out the chair by the breadboard table, and reached under the edge of the table where the pad had been.<\/p>\n
My fingers found nothing at first.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then along the leaf seam there was a faint bump, a raised edge in the wood I never would have felt if I had not been running my thumb along it.<\/p>\n
I eased back the leaf.<\/p>\n
Two pages had slipped down between the boards.<\/p>\n
One was blank except for a grocery list: milk, eggs, and a box of infant cereal circled twice.<\/p>\n
The other was a room chart.<\/p>\n
Someone had drawn boxes in pen and written names in them.<\/p>\n
Three scratched-out lines ran near the bottom of the page, and the page still carried the dents of a heavier hand underneath.<\/p>\n
I held it up to the lamp and tipped it from side to side.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The ghost of another set of names sat in the dents.<\/p>\n
I could make out six letters and stopped trying.<\/p>\n
The current names were clean and fresh in black ink.<\/p>\n
Room one: Douglas and Beverly.<\/p>\n
Room two: Chloe, Thomas, and the baby.<\/p>\n
Room three: Lucas and Gemma.<\/p>\n
I turned the page over.<\/p>\n
Small, cramped letters in pencil, in Gemma\u2019s hand, in the margin.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMags midtown?\u201d And under it, a single word, underlined.<\/p>\n
\u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n
I set the page down on the table.<\/p>\n
There was a fourth room drawn in the corner with no name in it at all, but the paper around that box was worn thin, rubbed back and forth with an eraser until a hole the size of a pea had come through the page.<\/p>\n
The counter had been clean for ten minutes.<\/p>\n
I kept wiping it anyway, one ear turned toward the fruit bowl where my phone sat, waiting for it to chime.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Gemma stood at the island with her back to me, tapping her screen, one thumb and then the other.<\/p>\n
She had on her good sweater for a Tuesday.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave you seen the pictures Chloe put up?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cFrom the pumpkin place.<\/p>\n
Every morning there\u2019s a batch.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, honey.\u201d She did not turn around.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe network\u2019s been in and out since yesterday.<\/p>\n
I wouldn\u2019t think twice about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I picked up my phone and opened the family thread.<\/p>\n
The last message in it was mine.<\/p>\n
Sunday afternoon, a question about who wanted dark meat on Christmas Eve, and under it, nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma.<\/p>\n
If there\u2019s a new thread for the trip, I\u2019d like to be on it.\u201d<\/p>\n
She turned her phone face down on the counter, screen to the granite, and gave me the full smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere isn\u2019t one, sweetie.<\/p>\n
The boys started something about drive times and it died off.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You know how they are.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t, actually.\u201d<\/p>\n
That sat there.<\/p>\n
She smoothed the cuff of her sweater and looked past me at the window over the sink.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sky,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019d never know it\u2019s almost December.\u201d<\/p>\n
The legal pad was gone from the corner where it had been sitting since Thursday, the one with the list she had covered with her hand.<\/p>\n
I looked at the empty spot longer than I meant to and adjusted my watch band until it lay flat.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going to run my errands,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake your time, sweetie.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Hiawatha store had my boots in the back corner, past the fishing gear.<\/p>\n
Beverly was already there, Gemma\u2019s mother, in her good coat, holding a pair of ski goggles up to the light.<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret!<\/p>\n
You\u2019re buying boots.\u201d She smoothed the front of her coat, which had no wrinkles in it.<\/p>\n
\u201cVery practical.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are those for?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cA gift.\u201d She set them in her basket and turned the tag under with her thumb.<\/p>\n
Two hundred and forty dollars, before she hid it.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor someone who\u2019s been good to us.\u201d<\/p>\n
I pulled a box off the shelf and sat down on the bench to try one on.<\/p>\n
The left boot went on hard and pinched across the top of my foot.<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma says there isn\u2019t a new family thread.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019d know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNine days out.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I\u2019d like to see an itinerary.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t need an itinerary.\u201d Beverly laughed, one short note.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll be at the Sun Valley front desk by three o\u2019clock, easy.<\/p>\n
Douglas likes to be early.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCheck-in is at four.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThree,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood up in the boot and put my weight on it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It pinched worse standing.<\/p>\n
Beverly\u2019s basket swung a little as she turned toward the register.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs Douglas bringing much?<\/p>\n
His house must be getting crowded.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBusy week at his own place,\u201d she said over her shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cThomas has been up on his roof all week with a tape measure, if you can believe it.<\/p>\n
Chloe\u2019s got the whole back of the car packed already.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNine days out,\u201d I said again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She paid for her goggles and went out the automatic doors, and I sat there on the bench with one boot on and the other still in the box, and put both of them back on the shelf.<\/p>\n
Helen had her glasses off, cleaning them with the cloth she kept in her drawer, when I came up to the counter at the bank.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou look like a woman with a list,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to move money Friday.<\/p>\n
Not today.<\/p>\n
I only came in to ask about the timing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFine by me.\u201d She put her glasses on and looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI saw your Lucas yesterday.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Lake Street, that van lot, him and Thomas with their hands in their pockets staring at the big ones.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe big ones?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTwelve passengers.<\/p>\n
You can\u2019t miss them.<\/p>\n
They\u2019re the size of a school bus and about as easy to park.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma mentioned a van.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThomas went inside.<\/p>\n
Lucas stayed out by his car, on his phone the whole time.\u201d She leaned on the counter.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does your husband\u2019s son do when he\u2019s about to spend money?\u201d<\/p>\n
I adjusted my watch band.<\/p>\n
\u201cUsually he asks me first.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHm.\u201d Helen wrote something on a slip and pushed it across the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the resort\u2019s billing desk, main number.<\/p>\n
They\u2019ll give you every charge on a booking and a full folio at checkout.<\/p>\n
Twenty-four hours a day, and nobody there cares who calls.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve already seen the charges.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you\u2019ll see them twice.\u201d She took the slip back, drew a box around the number, and slid it over again.<\/p>\n
\u201cAsk him tonight, Margaret.<\/p>\n
Out loud.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t write it down first.\u201d<\/p>\n
The stairs to the basement were narrow and carpeted, and Lucas was coming up them with the furnace filters under one arm when I got to the landing.<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook.\u201d He rubbed the back of his neck.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m just getting these in before the cold.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI was at the bank.<\/p>\n
Helen saw you on Lake Street yesterday, you and Thomas, looking at the big vans.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHelen saw me.\u201d He came up two steps and stopped.<\/p>\n
\u201cHelen has a lot of time on her hands.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m only asking what the van is for.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s for the trip.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s for the trip we\u2019ve been planning since August.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why hasn\u2019t anyone told me how big it is?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you.\u201d He stopped and pressed his thumb into his own shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou just need to give us a little space to manage things.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s all.<\/p>\n
Every time I turn around you\u2019re checking on something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m paying for it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd we\u2019re grateful.\u201d He said grateful the way you\u2019d read it off a card propped on a counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll have these in by six.\u201d<\/p>\n
He took the filters upstairs.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The basement door closed behind him with a quiet, exact click, one I had never noticed in twenty-nine years of that door.<\/p>\n
I sat down on the third step with my phone in my hand, scrolled back through the family thread to Sunday, to my question about dark meat, and read it twice.<\/p>\n
Then I got my coat and drove back to Hiawatha.<\/p>\n
The boots were still on the shelf where I had left them.<\/p>\n
The cashier was a young man who called me ma\u2019am and asked if I wanted the box or just the bag.<\/p>\n
I took the box, because I have a shelf in the front closet for boxes.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Outside, the lot had gone dark except for the lights on the poles.<\/p>\n
I put the boots in the back seat and sat with the engine off and the keys in my lap.<\/p>\n
Twelve seats in a big van.<\/p>\n
Nobody had asked me to sit in one.<\/p>\n
At nine the next morning I put the resort folder on the kitchen island and asked them to sit down with me.<\/p>\n
Gemma stayed against the counter with her phone in one hand.<\/p>\n
Lucas pulled out a stool and rubbed the back of his neck.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to go through the itinerary,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cLine by line.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gemma rolled her eyes so hard her whole head moved.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have weeks,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy do you need to approve every hour?\u201d<\/p>\n
I opened the folder and laid the deposit receipt on top.<\/p>\n
The paper showed twelve thousand five hundred dollars, paid on my personal card.<\/p>\n
I had written three questions on an index card that morning.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Who sleeps in the primary suite.<\/p>\n
Who drives the rental.<\/p>\n
Who pays for meals beyond the deposit.<\/p>\n
\u201cBeverly is handling the rooms,\u201d Gemma said.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s good at that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI paid for the rooms,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd we\u2019re grateful,\u201d Gemma said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou paid.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Let us do the rest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am not approving hours,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI am asking who sleeps where and who drives.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas said, \u201cLook, Mom, we\u2019re handling it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHandling what?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Gemma set her phone face down on the counter and wiped a spot that was already clean.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe rooms.<\/p>\n
The vans.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The meals.<\/p>\n
You paid.<\/p>\n
Let us do the rest.\u201d<\/p>\n
I adjusted my watch band.<\/p>\n
\u201cI would like the list today.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not ready,\u201d Gemma said.<\/p>\n
\u201cBeverly is still moving names around.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at Lucas.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He opened his mouth, then closed it and reached for the bread bag.<\/p>\n
He took out two slices and put them back.<\/p>\n
\u201cTomorrow I am going to the bank to move the final funds,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need the list before that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI will call the resort myself tomorrow,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Gemma said, \u201cNo need.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI need the list,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Gemma picked up her phone.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cGreat.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll text you.\u201d<\/p>\n
She walked out of the kitchen with her thumb already tapping.<\/p>\n
The list never came that day.<\/p>\n
At ten I found Douglas in the living room with his boots up on my ottoman.<\/p>\n
I held out the receipt.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is the deposit,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need a straight answer about Christmas Eve.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He laughed, loudly enough to make the window glass tick.<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret, you\u2019re making a big deal out of nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am asking a question.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNobody is trying to take advantage of you, Margaret.\u201d He said it slowly, as if I were hard of hearing.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a family vacation.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the receipt in my hand.<\/p>\n
The paper had a crease from my pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere will you be staying?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cAt the resort, same as everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour house will sit empty?\u201d<\/p>\n
Douglas picked up the remote and turned the volume down one notch.<\/p>\n
\u201cI rented it out.<\/p>\n
A family from Chicago.<\/p>\n
Four hundred a night, Christmas week.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou rented out your house.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExtra cash,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy let it sit?\u201d<\/p>\n
I folded the receipt and put it back in my pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cI did not know you needed extra cash.\u201d<\/p>\n
Douglas turned the television up again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou worry about the wrong details.\u201d<\/p>\n
I left him there.<\/p>\n
The television was louder than when I had walked in.<\/p>\n
On the screen, a man flipped a pan of vegetables and smiled at the camera.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThe renters take the house on the twenty-fourth,\u201d Douglas said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey have three children.<\/p>\n
They wanted a tree.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are leaving your tree up?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy take it down?<\/p>\n
They pay extra for the tree.\u201d<\/p>\n
I walked out with the receipt in my pocket.<\/p>\n
At noon I carried a bag of salt out to the garage and saw Thomas in the driveway.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He was dragging a black roof cargo box along the gravel by its strap.<\/p>\n
The box was longer than the hood of his car.<\/p>\n
He stopped at the back bumper and stood there, breathing through his mouth.<\/p>\n
\u201cThomas,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is a lot of space.\u201d<\/p>\n
He mumbled a word I did not catch.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is it for?\u201d<\/p>\n
He lifted one end of the box and set it on the roof rack.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The car dipped on its springs.<\/p>\n
A small blue mitten hung from the lid latch.<\/p>\n
\u201cChloe wanted it,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cChloe wanted a cargo box?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at his shoes.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe has a list.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stepped closer.<\/p>\n
The mitten was knitted, the thumb missing its hole.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Thomas pulled it free and stuffed it in his coat pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre the children coming?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought this was an adults\u2019 trip.\u201d<\/p>\n
He climbed onto the back bumper and started threading a strap through the box.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a big car,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt needs a big box.\u201d<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
He kept threading the strap, pulling it tight, then tighter.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThomas,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
He climbed down and got into the car without another word.<\/p>\n
The engine turned over.<\/p>\n
The cargo box sat up there like a black suitcase on the roof.<\/p>\n
I stood in the driveway until he backed out and his taillights went down the street.<\/p>\n
At two Lucas found me in the hallway with a basket of towels.<\/p>\n
He had his phone in his hand and his coat still on.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you forward me the resort confirmation?<\/p>\n
The one with the booking number.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed the back of his neck.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to show the guys.<\/p>\n
They don\u2019t believe we booked the big suite.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour friends care about our suite?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, it\u2019s a bragging contest,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cA guy thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
I set the basket down on the bench.<\/p>\n
The winter coats were piling up again.<\/p>\n
I took my phone out of my sweater pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can forward it,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThanks.\u201d He was already looking at his screen.<\/p>\n
I opened the email from the resort.<\/p>\n
The confirmation had my name at the top and the dates in bold.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
December 24 to December 31.<\/p>\n
My card was the only payment listed.<\/p>\n
I typed Lucas\u2019s address and hit send.<\/p>\n
The little arrow turned into a check mark, then the check mark faded.<\/p>\n
\u201cGot it,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
He did not look up.<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you sure this is only for your friends?\u201d<\/p>\n
He put his phone in his coat pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou worry too much.\u201d He started down the hall.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll bring the van paperwork by later.<\/p>\n
You can pay that too.\u201d<\/p>\n
He turned the corner.<\/p>\n
I picked up the towel basket, then set it down again.<\/p>\n
I had made a fuss over nothing, I told myself.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then Lucas\u2019s phone buzzed in his pocket.<\/p>\n
He pulled it out, turned his shoulder, and typed with both thumbs.<\/p>\n
I looked down at my own screen.<\/p>\n
The send icon blinked once and vanished.<\/p>\n
Helen counted the deposit slip twice before she said anything.<\/p>\n
She had my checkbook open on the counter between us, the register filled in in my own handwriting, and she ran the tip of her pen down the column of figures.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwelve thousand five hundred,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is the last of it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe last of it.<\/p>\n
The deposit went on the card in October.\u201d<\/p>\n
Helen adjusted her glasses and looked at me over the top of them.<\/p>\n
\u201cFamily trip?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSun Valley.<\/p>\n
Ten of us, six nights.\u201d I heard my voice lift and did not care.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe suite for Lucas and Gemma, the bunk room for the girls.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cTen.\u201d She wrote the amount on the slip.<\/p>\n
\u201cI count eight in that house.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma\u2019s parents are coming.<\/p>\n
And her sister Chloe, and Chloe\u2019s husband.\u201d<\/p>\n
Helen set the pen down flat.<\/p>\n
\u201cNobody else\u2019s money in this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s my Christmas present to them.\u201d<\/p>\n
She slid the slip into the drawer and did not reach for the next form.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Two women came in behind me, shaking the cold off their coats.<\/p>\n
\u201cI did a version of this once,\u201d Helen said.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot this.<\/p>\n
My sister\u2019s boy needed a down payment on a truck.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I never got a ride in it.\u201d She picked her pen back up.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the whole story.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s all of it.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I laughed because she wanted me to, and because the slip had gone through clean.<\/p>\n
She asked me to wait for the receipt and went to the back, and I stood there with my checkbook open, the last blank check in the book still on its perforation.<\/p>\n
When she came back, she had a slip of paper with the resort\u2019s number on it.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s call them.<\/p>\n
Right now, on the branch line.<\/p>\n
I want to hear them say the number out loud.\u201d<\/p>\n
We sat in the two chairs by the window with the phone on speaker between us on the little table.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The resort answered on the second ring.<\/p>\n
\u201cSun Valley reservations, this is Marisol.\u201d<\/p>\n
Helen did the talking first.<\/p>\n
She gave the confirmation number and the amount and asked for the balance in plain words.<\/p>\n
There was typing on the other end.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, ma\u2019am.<\/p>\n
Full payment posted this morning.<\/p>\n
The primary suite is held under Margaret Ellsworth, sole cardholder.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cSole,\u201d Helen said, and looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cSole,\u201d Marisol said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe suite and the master billing account are both in Mrs.<\/p>\n
Ellsworth\u2019s name.<\/p>\n
Any change to that reservation has to come from her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does that mean, change?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt means no one else can change the nights, the room count, or the billing,\u201d Marisol said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019d be surprised how often we have to say it out loud.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I thanked her twice.<\/p>\n
Helen hung up and sat back with her hands folded.<\/p>\n
\u201cSole cardholder,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know what it means, Helen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI want you to know what it means.\u201d<\/p>\n
I tucked the receipt into the checkbook wallet.<\/p>\n
My watch had turned on my wrist again, so I slid the band back where it belonged.<\/p>\n
By the time I got home, the kitchen was empty and the counters had been wiped down to a shine.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I had my hand on the kettle when the keypad beeped and Gemma came in with her coat still half on.<\/p>\n
She set a paper bag on the granite.<\/p>\n
\u201cChamomile.<\/p>\n
The loose leaf, not the bags.<\/p>\n
I thought you might like something warm after being out in the cold.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s kind of you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSit.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll do it.\u201d She had the kettle going before I could get up.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She peeled the cardboard tab off the box and worked the bag open with her thumbnail.<\/p>\n
I watched her spoon the leaves into the strainer.<\/p>\n
It was the first time in weeks she had stood in my kitchen without her phone in her hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas said you were at the bank all morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cClosing out the trip.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d She poured.<\/p>\n
Steam fogged the window over the sink.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen we\u2019re all set.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThe van is the last piece.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll pay for that this week.\u201d<\/p>\n
She set the cup in front of me with the handle turned toward my right hand, which nobody in that house ever remembers.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can do that tonight.<\/p>\n
I have the paperwork.\u201d<\/p>\n
I drank it too hot and drank it anyway.<\/p>\n
\u201cChloe\u2019s little one has never seen snow,\u201d Gemma said, wiping a counter that was already clean.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s what, eight months?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cNine.\u201d She wrung out the cloth and hung it over the divider.<\/p>\n
\u201cNine months and change.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then she took her phone out and walked into the hall, and I heard the word bunk once before the door clicked shut.<\/p>\n
Lucas came in from the garage at six with his shoulders up around his ears, rubbing the back of his neck, and Gemma already had the folder open on the dining room table.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe van,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cTwelve-passenger.<\/p>\n
A hundred and forty a day, plus mileage.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd the deposit?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlready down.\u201d She slid a paper across to me, folded in thirds.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is the copy.\u201d<\/p>\n
I opened it.<\/p>\n
A standard agreement, the agency\u2019s name at the top, the dates right, December twenty-fourth through the thirtieth, the vehicle listed as a twelve-passenger extended.<\/p>\n
Down at the bottom, the renter\u2019s signature line was blank.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cYou haven\u2019t signed it,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe wanted you to see it first.\u201d Gemma straightened the salt shaker.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s your money.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas said, \u201cLook, we can handle the signing if it\u2019s easier.\u201d His hand was still on his neck.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d I found a pen in the sideboard drawer.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll sign it.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll be the one on it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gemma put her palm flat on the paper before I got the cap off.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s not do it tonight.<\/p>\n
The agency wants a card at pickup anyway.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll bring the final copy Thursday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThursday,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Which was reasonable.<\/p>\n
Which was the most reasonable thing anyone had said to me in a month.<\/p>\n
I folded the paper along its own creases and turned it over once in my hands, and it was warm the way paper is warm when it has just come off a printer.<\/p>\n
The date in the header, beside the agency\u2019s phone number, was that morning\u2019s.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I put it in my purse behind the checkbook and zipped it shut.<\/p>\n
Douglas stood in front of the fireplace with his hands clasped behind his back, studying the framed photograph of my parents on the mantel as though he had never seen it before.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s a beautiful frame,\u201d he said, loudly enough for the kitchen to hear.<\/p>\n
\u201cWalnut?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaple,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy father made it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell.\u201d He turned and smiled at me with all his teeth.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a handsome piece.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You have a real eye, Margaret.\u201d<\/p>\n
Beverly smoothed the front of her sweater and agreed that the living room had come together nicely, considering.<\/p>\n
I adjusted my watch band and said nothing.<\/p>\n
Gemma had set out a cheese board on the coffee table, the good one with the marble inlay, and Douglas helped himself to the wedge of brie without being asked.<\/p>\n
He had never once complimented this house in the eight years I had owned it.<\/p>\n
Lucas came in from the kitchen carrying a stack of plates and set them down without a word.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I noticed the keys then, sitting by the fruit bowl where someone had dropped them.<\/p>\n
A silver tag stamped with the rental company\u2019s logo and the number twelve in black marker.<\/p>\n
I had not seen them before.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomeone is expecting a crowd,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Douglas laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cA crowd is right.<\/p>\n
You should hear the plans these kids have.\u201d He looked at the keys, then at me, and his smile thinned at the edges.<\/p>\n
\u201cVan\u2019s just for the airport run.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Nothing to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n
Beverly smoothed her sleeve.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure Margaret has better things to do than count seats.\u201d<\/p>\n
The front door banged open, and Chloe swept in with a bakery box held in both hands, her hair loose and damp from the outside air.<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret!\u201d She set the box on the counter and wrapped both arms around me before I could take off my glasses.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are the most generous woman I have ever met.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I mean that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Thomas trailed in behind her, stomping his boots on the mat and keeping his eyes on the floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cChloe,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did not have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted to.<\/p>\n
From the bakery on Grand.<\/p>\n
The one with the almond croissants you like.\u201d<\/p>\n
I did like the almond croissants.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I had mentioned it once, last spring, in the car on the way to the nursery to pick up geraniums.<\/p>\n
She stepped back and pressed her hands to her chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe are all so grateful.<\/p>\n
Truly.<\/p>\n
I hope you know that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Thomas mumbled something that might have been agreement and then studied his shoes as though he had dropped something.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me hang your coat,\u201d I said, reaching for the hanger by the door.<\/p>\n
Chloe had already turned to the cheese board, her phone in one hand, tapping at the screen with her thumb.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The coat was heavy and slick with the cold.<\/p>\n
I took it by the collar and gave it a shake before folding it over the hanger, and that is when the paper came out.<\/p>\n
It sailed down and landed flat on the floor, a single sheet torn from a grocery list pad.<\/p>\n
I bent and picked it up.<\/p>\n
The list was in Chloe\u2019s quick handwriting, the letters slanting forward.<\/p>\n
I saw the word formula twice, circled, and then the word bottles with a check beside it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Below that, a line for a portable crib, and then a note in the margin that said heavily.<\/p>\n
Behind me, the dining room filled with the sound of Lucas pulling out chairs.<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything all right?\u201d Chloe called, her voice bright.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour coat has a good lining,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll hang it in the hall closet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas made his toast at nine, standing at his mother\u2019s table with his glass raised and his tie loosened.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo Mom,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho made all of this possible.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
To the trip.<\/p>\n
To being together.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gemma lifted her water glass but did not drink.<\/p>\n
Douglas said hear, hear in his big voice and thumped the table so the silver jumped.<\/p>\n
Chloe clapped her hands twice, quickly.<\/p>\n
I smiled at my son and took a sip of wine, and for a moment the warmth in the room felt real.<\/p>\n
\u201cA toast deserves a second,\u201d Douglas said, getting to his feet again.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo Margaret, who never once hesitated.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
To family.\u201d He looked around the table with the pride of a man who was somehow the host.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause we literally couldn\u2019t do this without you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCouldn\u2019t do it without me,\u201d I repeated.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot one bit.\u201d Douglas sat, and Beverly patted my hand twice, briskly, like a nurse taking a pulse.<\/p>\n
Lucas pulled out his phone and began tapping at it, and I noticed that none of them were eating.<\/p>\n
Plates full, forks down.<\/p>\n
At ten I went to the hallway to hang Chloe\u2019s coat, and the lights were off in the back hall, so I had to feel for the closet handle.<\/p>\n
The paper was still in my hand.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I stood under the dim bulb and read it again.<\/p>\n
Formula, bottles, portable crib.<\/p>\n
A list for a baby who would not be anywhere near a ski slope.<\/p>\n
The closet door slid open under my palm, and the dry cleaning rustled.<\/p>\n
Behind me, from the dining room, came Gemma\u2019s voice, low and quick, saying something I could not quite catch, and then Lucas laughing the way he laughed when he wanted something to be over.<\/p>\n
The office light was still on at eleven o\u2019clock, and Lucas was already out of the chair with one hand on the lamp.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cJust closing things down,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
I held up the page that had fallen out of Chloe\u2019s coat.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s formula on this list.<\/p>\n
Her youngest is eleven.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at it for about a second.<\/p>\n
\u201cWrong list.<\/p>\n
The kids leave paper in their pockets.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, Mom, it\u2019s eleven.\u201d He rubbed the back of his neck and stepped around me into the hall.<\/p>\n
\u201cBreakfast.<\/p>\n
I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n
His footsteps went up and stopped at the landing.<\/p>\n
I stood in the doorway with the page still in my hand.<\/p>\n
Behind me the printer light was blinking green, and the tray was empty, and the machine was warm.<\/p>\n
I sat down in his chair, which he had left pushed back at an angle, and set the packing list beside the keyboard.<\/p>\n
The resort\u2019s page was still open where I had left it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
There was a section on infant amenities.<\/p>\n
I had wanted to know whether the pool deck was heated, whether a crib could be sent up, whether a nine-month-old belonged in a place like that at all.<\/p>\n
I still wanted to know.<\/p>\n
That was the trouble.<\/p>\n
The family email account was signed in behind it.<\/p>\n
I clicked over to it, and there was our shared mail, years of it, confirmation numbers and graduation photographs and a receipt for the wedding tent.<\/p>\n
I opened Sent to look at the confirmation I had forwarded Lucas that afternoon.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It sat at the top of the list.<\/p>\n
Under it was the same subject line, dated three weeks earlier, at 9:41 on a Thursday night when I was downstairs watching a program about glaciers.<\/p>\n
I opened it.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.<\/p>\n
Booking\u2019s in her name.<\/p>\n
She pays the balance the first week of December and we\u2019re clear.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was the whole message.<\/p>\n
It was signed with a single letter.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Under the letter sat my confirmation, forwarded, with the room block and the dates and the card on file.<\/p>\n
I scrolled.<\/p>\n
\u201cI took her off the thread last night.<\/p>\n
She thinks it\u2019s glitching.<\/p>\n
Just make sure she is completely off the final manifest.\u201d<\/p>\n
Completely off the manifest.<\/p>\n
The manifest.<\/p>\n
I read it three more times, and the words stayed where they were.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret?\u201d<\/p>\n
Gemma stood in the doorway with her phone flat against her palm, screen down.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo are you,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
She leaned on the frame.<\/p>\n
\u201cI figured you\u2019d be asleep an hour ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m reading the news.\u201d I moved the mouse half an inch, and the pool photograph came back up, the little lights shining under the water.<\/p>\n
She tapped the edge of her phone twice.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll need the whole downstairs tomorrow.<\/p>\n
We just need a little room to get things organized.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t stay up too late, hon.<\/p>\n
You know how you get.\u201d She went up the stairs without switching on the hall light.<\/p>\n
I sat still until her door clicked.<\/p>\n
Then I picked up the phone and dialed Helen\u2019s emergency line.<\/p>\n
She answered on the third ring.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s eleven twenty-two.<\/p>\n
Is it the furnace or the family?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe family.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGive me a minute.\u201d I heard a chair, and a light switch, and her glasses being set down on something hard.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s an email in the family account.<\/p>\n
Sent in November.<\/p>\n
It says the booking is in my name and I pay the balance in December and then they\u2019re clear.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWho\u2019s they?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGemma\u2019s address is on it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho wrote it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt came from my account.<\/p>\n
Lucas uses that account for the insurance papers.\u201d<\/p>\n
Helen breathed out through her nose.<\/p>\n
\u201cKeep going.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt says he took me off the thread so she could do the list.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cSay the rest of it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust make sure she is completely off the final manifest.\u201d<\/p>\n
Neither of us said anything.<\/p>\n
The furnace came on under the floor and pushed warm air across my ankles.<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret.<\/p>\n
Is there an attachment on that message?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a confirmation from the resort underneath it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOpen the other one.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I opened it.<\/p>\n
It was a forward, and the name in the To line was Beverly\u2019s, spelled out in front of me, with my own note about the king bed and the quiet side of the building below it.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the email Lucas asked me for,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told me he wanted to show his coworkers.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMm,\u201d Helen said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs there a paperclip under that?\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a paperclip.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I clicked it, and the van agreement opened, three pages, the reservation number printed across the top and a green verified stamp in the corner.<\/p>\n
I picked up the key ring lying by the monitor, the one with the plastic tag from the rental counter, and turned it over.<\/p>\n
The number on the tag matched the number at the top of the page.<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a signature block,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cPage three.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t scroll it tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going to scroll it.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cNot while your hands are like that.<\/p>\n
Read me the first page and give the rest a night.\u201d<\/p>\n
I scrolled anyway and got as far as the driver\u2019s section when a board creaked in the hall.<\/p>\n
Thomas came past the door in his sock feet with a water glass in his hand.<\/p>\n
He looked at the screen.<\/p>\n
Then at me.<\/p>\n
Then at the screen again.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry,\u201d he said, to nobody in particular.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He was gone before I could close anything.<\/p>\n
He took the stairs two at a time, and a door shut above, softly, the way a door shuts when a person has decided not to mention something.<\/p>\n
I turned back to the monitor.<\/p>\n
The screen had gone dark.<\/p>\n
The green light from the printer slid across it, and then the photographs started up, the folder that shows itself when the computer gets tired.<\/p>\n
Chloe\u2019s children on a dock.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Lucas on a dock.<\/p>\n
All of them on a dock somewhere I had paid for.<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret.\u201d Helen\u2019s voice came small out of the phone.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you there?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you live in that house for three more weeks and say nothing?\u201d<\/p>\n
I adjusted the band of my watch and put the key ring back exactly where it had been.<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a good question,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
The screen saver brightened and dimmed, brightened and dimmed, and its light sat on my face while I thought about the answer.<\/p>\n
I sat in the dark office until the green faded off my hands, then went upstairs and lay on the bed with my shoes on.<\/p>\n
At seven I came down.<\/p>\n
Gemma was at the counter with a mug in both hands and the legal pad face down beside the toaster.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need to do a trial pack of the vehicles today,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cJust to see what fits.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFits,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cMm.\u201d She turned the pad over with one finger and slid it under the fruit bowl.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s on the pad?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cGroceries.\u201d She put her hand flat on the bowl.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re out of everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
We were not out of everything.<\/p>\n
There were four juice boxes in the door of the refrigerator, the organic ones, and I had not bought them.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWe leave Thursday at six,\u201d Gemma said.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo if you could keep the driveway clear that morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe twenty-fourth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMm.\u201d She tapped her phone twice without looking at it.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know how the roads get.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAm I on the van rental?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn case a shift needs driving.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gemma set her mug down and tipped her head at me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cSweetheart.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re a guest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI drove to Duluth in February for my sister\u2019s surgery.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re a guest,\u201d she said again, and smiled over the top of the mug.<\/p>\n
Her phone lit up where it lay between us, face up, and I saw a photograph.<\/p>\n
A booth at a restaurant, red vinyl, all of them crowded in, Lucas on the end with his arm up, a basket of rolls in the middle of the table.<\/p>\n
Nobody had asked me to that dinner.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I turned on the water and rinsed a cup that was already clean.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen was that?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Gemma picked up her mug with both hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cAges ago.<\/p>\n
Before all this.\u201d<\/p>\n
She drank and looked out the window over the sink.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019ll be good for the kids,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cA whole week of skiing.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cA whole week.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe just need everybody to be patient,\u201d she said, and carried her mug to the sink and set it down hard enough that the handle rang.<\/p>\n
By ten the van stood in the driveway with both rear doors open.<\/p>\n
Douglas carried a duffel in each hand and set them down the way you set down a sandbag.<\/p>\n
\u201cEasy,\u201d he said, loud enough for the neighbors.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat one\u2019s got the boots in it.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Thomas came down the steps with a ski bag across his chest.<\/p>\n
He put it in the back and stood there with his hands in his pockets.<\/p>\n
I opened the kitchen door.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere do you want mine?\u201d<\/p>\n
Douglas straightened up.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy bag.<\/p>\n
For the trip.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cPlenty of room.\u201d He swept an arm at the empty back seat.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook at all that.\u201d<\/p>\n
The seat already had a folded blanket on it, and a pillow in a clean case, tucked up against the armrest.<\/p>\n
Thomas came back out with a folded stroller and slid it in behind the last seat.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll bring mine out Thursday, then,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cVan company put my name on the insurance,\u201d Douglas said, already walking.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I\u2019m the one behind the wheel.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t you worry about that part.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe rental agent told me something different.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stopped with one hand on the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll get my bag Thursday.\u201d<\/p>\n
Thomas said something to the bumper.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing,\u201d he said, to the ground.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you all packed?\u201d I asked him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou and Chloe and the baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGetting there,\u201d he said, and bent for the cooler.<\/p>\n
I went back in and up the stairs and pulled my suitcase out from under the bed.<\/p>\n
The tags were still on the handle from a trip to my sister\u2019s in Duluth, and the inside smelled like the closet.<\/p>\n
I opened it flat on the bed and stood there with the lid up.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
On the stairs coming down, I stepped on a receipt.<\/p>\n
Four pairs of ski boots, sizes twenty-six through twenty-nine, dated last Saturday.<\/p>\n
Downstairs the van doors shut, once, then twice, then a third time, which meant they had loaded something else.<\/p>\n
The van sat in the driveway all afternoon with the doors closed.<\/p>\n
Nobody came in for lunch.<\/p>\n
Beverly had the little ones on the rug with the wooden blocks.<\/p>\n
I sat on the edge of the sofa, and my granddaughter brought me a book and climbed up against my side.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThe bear one,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
I got two pages in before she corrected me.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe doesn\u2019t say it like that.<\/p>\n
He says it like this.\u201d<\/p>\n
So I read it the way she told me, and she put her hand flat on the page to keep me from turning it too soon.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s got you wrapped around her finger,\u201d Beverly said from the doorway.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s got a good ear for a story,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Beverly stood up and smoothed the front of her sweater with both hands, one side, then the other.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cPark,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cCoats.<\/p>\n
Everybody.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGrandma\u2019s reading,\u201d my granddaughter said.<\/p>\n
\u201cGrandma Margaret has been running herself ragged.\u201d Beverly held the little coats open.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou rest, honey.<\/p>\n
Beverly\u2019s got them till supper.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTill supper,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a lovely quiet house for reading in,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou want that, at your age.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI like it loud,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Beverly smiled and zipped the little coat up to the chin.<\/p>\n
\u201cSay goodbye to Grandma Margaret now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGoodbye, Grandma Margaret,\u201d the little one said, and dropped the blocks into the basket.<\/p>\n
The side door banged.<\/p>\n
One red mitten stayed on the rug by the fireplace.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I picked it up, set it on the arm of the sofa, and left my hand on it.<\/p>\n
The hall clock said one forty, and then it said two.<\/p>\n
By twenty to four the van keys lay on the kitchen counter beside the fruit bowl, with a plastic tag from the rental company the size of a playing card.<\/p>\n
I put my hand flat on the counter next to them and left it there.<\/p>\n
Six weeks ago I would have hung them on the hook by the door.<\/p>\n
Helen called.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cYou printed the contract.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI printed it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPage four,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHis signature is at the bottom.<\/p>\n
Lucas signed as the renter.<\/p>\n
Under authorized drivers there are five names, and every one of them is Gemma\u2019s people.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the keys and did not touch them.<\/p>\n
\u201cDouglas is out in the driveway telling the block he\u2019s on the insurance,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Helen made a sound low in her throat.<\/p>\n