The pineapple magnet had one corner curling off the refrigerator door, and the ticket I slid under it stuck out a quarter inch at the bottom.<\/p>\n
I pressed the magnet flat with my thumb.<\/p>\n
It lifted again the second I let go.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwo dollars,\u201d Gary said from the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cEvery Friday.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned the ticket so the numbers faced the wall, the same six I have played since 2006.<\/p>\n
Blue ballpoint, and my name on the back, Patricia Dunn, the way I have signed every one of them for nineteen years.<\/p>\n
\u201cThrowing away another two dollars on a piece of paper, Patty.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt comes out of the grocery money, is all.\u201d I carried my cup to the sink.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou never minded before.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBefore, I had the sense to notice.\u201d He patted his back pocket, once, then again.<\/p>\n
The kitchen radio was on low, a farm market report out of Columbus.<\/p>\n
He reached over and shut it off when I set my cup down.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019d think a man could hear the weather,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019d think a woman could hear her husband.\u201d Then he laughed, the old laugh, and I let it go.<\/p>\n
He took his mug to the sink and left it there with an inch of coffee in the bottom.<\/p>\n
The back door slapped shut.<\/p>\n
The truck started on the third try, and the belt squealed all the way out of the driveway.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I wiped the counter and put his mug in the dishwasher.<\/p>\n
Thirty-four years of that same mug, chipped on the handle.<\/p>\n
Margaret had been at the county hospital since Wednesday, and sometime Thursday the nurses stopped saying \u201ca few days\u201d and started saying \u201crehab floor.\u201d<\/p>\n
I got there Saturday morning at eight with her good blanket over my arm and a cup of ice from the machine.<\/p>\n
She had the bed cranked up and the television off, which meant she was either feeling better or covering for feeling worse.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re here,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
She got the two words out between breaths.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>\n
She gripped the edge of the blanket and pulled it to her chest.<\/p>\n
The monitor behind her blinked a green number I had stopped trying to read.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat day is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSaturday.\u201d<\/p>\n
She let her head fall back on the pillow.<\/p>\n
\u201cI had it as Thursday for a while there.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Saturday.<\/p>\n
I looked at the ice cup in my hand.<\/p>\n
Nineteen years of Saturday mornings with my coffee and the paper and the numbers, and this week I had filled out the ticket Friday morning and never looked at the paper again.<\/p>\n
It was still out in the driveway, for all I knew, getting rained on.<\/p>\n
\u201cPatricia.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m listening.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re a million miles away.\u201d She reached over and put her hand on my arm.<\/p>\n
\u201cSit down.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I sat.<\/p>\n
The chair by her bed had a crack in the vinyl that caught the back of my leg every time.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe girl with the trays told me I might get moved to the rehab floor Monday,\u201d Margaret said.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said it like it was good news.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is good news.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt costs money.\u201d She breathed twice.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe way she said it, it costs money.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll find out Monday.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She held her hand out for the ice cup, and I held the straw for her while she drank.<\/p>\n
At one the aide brought a tray, and I took the soup spoon out of her hand before she could spill it on herself.<\/p>\n
Margaret ate four spoonfuls and then put her palm up.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need to go home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI need to be here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need to sleep in a bed that isn\u2019t a chair.\u201d She breathed.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo home, Patricia.<\/p>\n
Feed that husband of yours.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cGary can feed himself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe can also burn the house down trying.\u201d She almost laughed, and it cost her.<\/p>\n
Her hand tightened on the blanket until the cotton wrinkled.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re hurting.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m tired,\u201d she said, which wasn\u2019t an answer, and we both let it sit there.<\/p>\n
\u201cRemember the pudding they gave you Tuesday?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt had a skin on it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou ate it anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI eat what\u2019s in front of me.\u201d She shifted herself an inch.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s how I ended up with two husbands and a bad hip.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed, and then I put my hand over my mouth, because laughing in a hospital room feels like knocking something over.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo home Sunday,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot tonight.<\/p>\n
Tomorrow, after church, the way you used to.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stayed until the shift change at three and then sat in the parking lot for twenty minutes with the engine off before I turned the key.<\/p>\n
Sunday morning I made the coffee and carried a book into the living room, one I had already read twice and couldn\u2019t remember the middle of.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Gary came in at ten with the checkbook and sat down in the recliner.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe first day was six hundred and forty dollars,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe second day was nine hundred and ten.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned a page.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you listening to me, Patty?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSomebody has to do the arithmetic.\u201d He licked his thumb and turned the register pages.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe insurance girl says the rehab floor isn\u2019t covered.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Not the way they want to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen we pay for the days they cover and bring her home after.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBring her home to what?\u201d He looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve got a sister who can\u2019t get up a set of stairs and a wife who can\u2019t lift her.<\/p>\n
Tell me how that works.\u201d<\/p>\n
I rubbed my thumb along my index finger under the book.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll manage, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll manage.\u201d He said it back to me, flat as a board.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then he went back to the register, adding out loud under his breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe fifteenth,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey want it by the fifteenth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis month we have it.\u201d He set his pencil in the spine of the checkbook.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomething might turn up.\u201d<\/p>\n
He said it easily.<\/p>\n
He said it the way a man talks about the weather.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then he went back to his column of numbers, humming.<\/p>\n
He never hummed.<\/p>\n
By Wednesday afternoon, the only thing under the pineapple magnet was a clean spot the shape of a ticket.<\/p>\n
I stood in the kitchen doorway with two bags of groceries against my hip, my thumb working the side of my index finger.<\/p>\n
The magnet hung where it always hung, its little green leaves bright against the white door of the refrigerator.<\/p>\n
Under it, nothing.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cGary.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was at the sink with his back to me, a wrench in his hand, water running over something metal.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you\u2019re looking for that ticket, it probably fell behind the fridge, Patty.\u201d<\/p>\n
I set the bags on the counter.<\/p>\n
The milk tipped over, and I let it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t say what I was looking for.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve got that face on.\u201d He shut the water off and dried his hands on the towel I keep hanging there.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s just two bucks.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Two dollars was two dollars.<\/p>\n
In April it had been a can of coffee.<\/p>\n
In June it had been a bag of ice for Margaret\u2019s room.<\/p>\n
\u201cI stopped at Kroger,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey had pork chops on sale.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood, good.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put the milk away, shut the door, and stood there looking at the magnet.<\/p>\n
I lifted it off and turned it over.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Clean white enamel underneath, and a smear of old grease where the leaves had sat since we bought the thing.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you take the trash out?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was already back at the sink.<\/p>\n
I let it go, is all.<\/p>\n
By half past five he had pulled the refrigerator out from the wall without being asked, which should have been the first thing I noticed.<\/p>\n
He slid it out four inches, and the linoleum underneath came up gray.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo on,\u201d he said, and handed me the flashlight from the junk drawer.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I got down on my knees with the broom handle and ran the light along the baseboard.<\/p>\n
A bottle cap.<\/p>\n
A penny stuck flat.<\/p>\n
A rubber band gone hard as a twig.<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cKeep looking.\u201d<\/p>\n
I kept the light moving along the coil, along the cord, along the back of the door where the ice maker line runs.<\/p>\n
The dust lay even and gray except for one patch near the left foot of the refrigerator, about the size of a hand, where the floor came up clean enough to shine.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I had cleaned back there last spring, is all.<\/p>\n
I was almost sure I had.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnything?\u201d He was in the doorway now with his arms crossed, and the hall light had come on behind him without my hearing a single board creak.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long have you been standing there?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLong enough.\u201d He nodded at the floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cFind your ticket?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s gone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a piece of paper, Patty.\u201d He said it softly, the way you\u2019d tell a kid about a dog that ran off.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re the same six numbers I\u2019ve played since the twins were little.\u201d I sat back on my heels.<\/p>\n
\u201cEvery week.<\/p>\n
The same six.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the refrigerator and then at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen I\u2019ll buy you a new one.<\/p>\n
Two bucks.<\/p>\n
Saturday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want a new one.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He went back to the sink, and I stayed on the floor with the flashlight getting warm in my hand.<\/p>\n
At seven he brought me tea in the chipped mug, the one with the bite out of the handle that only I use.<\/p>\n
I was in the recliner with a library book open on my chest, and I hadn\u2019t turned a page in twenty minutes.<\/p>\n
\u201cHere.\u201d He set it on the arm of the chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cChamomile.\u201d<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t drink chamomile.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow\u2019s your sister today?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cShe had her soup.\u201d I wrapped both hands around the mug.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe asked me the date again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhich date?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAny of them.\u201d<\/p>\n
He laughed at that, a real laugh, the old one, and for about four seconds the living room felt like a Tuesday in 1998.<\/p>\n
Then he said, \u201cDoes she need anything?<\/p>\n
Money-wise, I mean.\u201d<\/p>\n
The tea moved in the mug.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He had his hands on his knees, and they wouldn\u2019t settle.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re shaking,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cCold.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was seventy-eight degrees in that room.<\/p>\n
The window was up, and the fan was going.<\/p>\n
He got up, and his right hand went back to his hip and touched it, quickly, the way a man checks for his keys.<\/p>\n
Then he was in the hallway, and the television came on.<\/p>\n
I drank the chamomile.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It tasted like the inside of a paper bag.<\/p>\n
Thursday morning he was going out on errands, he said, and he stood in the driveway with the truck keys already in his fingers.<\/p>\n
I stood on the step with my coffee and watched him, because I had an hour before visiting hours started and nothing to do with it.<\/p>\n
The belt had been squealing since March.<\/p>\n
He had a tackle box behind the seat that hadn\u2019t moved since spring.<\/p>\n
He got as far as the driver\u2019s door.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then he put his hand on that back pocket, took out the wallet, and opened it.<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t take anything out.<\/p>\n
He looked, and he closed it, and he put it back.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re up early,\u201d he said through the open window.<\/p>\n
\u201cCouldn\u2019t sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGet some rest.<\/p>\n
Margaret needs you sharp.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI moved the refrigerator out again last night,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cAll the way out.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s nothing back there but dust and a penny.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the steering wheel.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI already looked.<\/p>\n
Tuesday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTuesday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTuesday, Wednesday.\u201d He shrugged through the window.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the difference?\u201d<\/p>\n
He backed out slowly and carefully and turned left at the top of the road the way he always did, and the squeal of that belt hung in the driveway a good while after the truck was gone.<\/p>\n
I went back inside and threw the deadbolt.<\/p>\n
It hadn\u2019t been thrown in a long time, and it took both hands.<\/p>\n
The sink was still dripping when I spread the Thursday paper flat on the kitchen table.<\/p>\n
Gary lay on his back under the cabinet with one arm up in the pipes.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
His wrench knocked against the elbow joint every few seconds.<\/p>\n
\u201cHand me the small wrench, Patty.\u201d<\/p>\n
I handed it down without looking away from the page.<\/p>\n
The state lottery column sat between the grocery ads and the church notices.<\/p>\n
The headline read: One Ticket Unclaimed in Oakhaven.<\/p>\n
Below it were the six numbers.<\/p>\n
4, 12, 19, 33, 46, 52.<\/p>\n
My thumb found my index finger and began to rub.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Those were my numbers.<\/p>\n
I had picked them nineteen years ago from Margaret\u2019s birthday, the year Gary and I married, and the house number on Cherry Street.<\/p>\n
Gary tapped the pipe.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou hear me, Patty?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI hear you, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
I folded the paper once.<\/p>\n
Then twice.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t look at him.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cFind a coupon?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing worth clipping.\u201d<\/p>\n
He slid out from under the sink and wiped his hands on the rag.<\/p>\n
Then he patted his back pocket.<\/p>\n
A corner of white paper showed above the leather.<\/p>\n
He pushed it down with his thumb.<\/p>\n
He went back under the sink.<\/p>\n
I sat still with the folded paper in my lap.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The pineapple magnet held the electric bill and nothing else.<\/p>\n
At ten fifteen, Gary ran the water and watched it drain.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat ought to hold it,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou want me to check the mailbox while I\u2019m out?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood and slid the folded paper into my apron pocket.<\/p>\n
He watched me do it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re quiet this morning, Patty.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m tired, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
He patted his back pocket again, then took his keys from the hook.<\/p>\n
The white corner of paper was still there.<\/p>\n
He went out the back door.<\/p>\n
I listened to his truck start and idle, then pull away.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t take the paper out again until he was gone.<\/p>\n
I set it on the counter and smoothed the crease with my palm.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
One Ticket Unclaimed in Oakhaven.<\/p>\n
My ticket had been under that magnet on Friday.<\/p>\n
On Saturday I had been at the hospital.<\/p>\n
On Sunday Gary had complained about the bills.<\/p>\n
On Wednesday the magnet was bare.<\/p>\n
I put the paper back in my apron and went to the hospital.<\/p>\n
Margaret\u2019s room smelled of antiseptic and the daisies I had cut from the side yard.<\/p>\n
She was propped up on two pillows with the television off.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I arranged the flowers in the plastic pitcher the nurse had given me.<\/p>\n
The stems were too long and kept sliding sideways.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re shaking,\u201d Margaret said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI am not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are.<\/p>\n
That little pitcher is rattling against the tray.\u201d<\/p>\n
I set it down and rubbed my thumb against my index finger.<\/p>\n
Margaret breathed twice before she spoke again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is it, Patricia?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
She gripped the edge of her blanket.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re a bad liar.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed once, because she was right, and because the daisies looked silly in a hospital pitcher.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you need more ice?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need you to sit down.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She looked at me the way she did when we were girls and I had broken something and hidden it in the closet.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have that look,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat look?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe one you get when you\u2019re carrying something alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
I picked up the pitcher again and set it straight.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been carrying groceries,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n
Margaret breathed out slowly.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cGary came by Tuesday.\u201d<\/p>\n
My hand stopped on the pitcher.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe did?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe stood in the doorway.<\/p>\n
Asked if I needed anything.<\/p>\n
He had his wallet in his hand the whole time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was kind of him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt wasn\u2019t kind,\u201d Margaret said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was like he was checking on something.\u201d<\/p>\n
She coughed twice into her fist and gripped the blanket again.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry about Gary,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not worried about Gary,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m worried about you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stayed until the nurse came with her tray.<\/p>\n
Then I drove home and stopped at the grocery store for chicken thighs.<\/p>\n
Gary was already at the table when I put the pan on the stove.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He had a boat magazine open and a pen in his hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook at this one,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThirty-two feet.<\/p>\n
Sleeps six.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned the chicken with a fork.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can\u2019t afford a boat, Gary.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA man my age ought to have a decent boat before his knees give out completely.\u201d<\/p>\n
I set the fork down.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat money would you use?\u201d<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t look up from the page.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll figure it out.\u201d<\/p>\n
He patted his back pocket, the way he had been doing all morning.<\/p>\n
I watched his reflection in the dark window over the sink.<\/p>\n
He turned a page and drew a circle around a price with his pen.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis one has a trailer included,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cGary.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re talking like the money is already here.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked up then.<\/p>\n
His face didn\u2019t change, but he closed the magazine.<\/p>\n
\u201cA man can dream, Patty.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put the chicken in the pan, and the oil hissed.<\/p>\n
For the rest of the meal he talked about the marina in Sandusky and how he had always wanted to see the islands from the water.<\/p>\n
I ate three bites and moved the rest around my plate.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWe could take Margaret out on it,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOnce she\u2019s better.\u201d<\/p>\n
I set my fork down.<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret isn\u2019t going out on a boat.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe used to like the water.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe used to like a lot of things.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gary wiped his mouth and folded his napkin.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re in a mood.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m tired.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re always tired now.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood and carried my plate to the sink.<\/p>\n
He stayed at the table with the magazine open.<\/p>\n
After dinner he left it there and went to the living room to watch television.<\/p>\n
I washed the dishes in silence, watching his reflection in the dark window.<\/p>\n
He wasn\u2019t asleep.<\/p>\n
He was sitting forward in his chair with his phone in his hand, typing with one thumb.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I turned off the water.<\/p>\n
The folded newspaper was still in my apron pocket.<\/p>\n
I could feel the edge of it against my hip.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t ask him about the boat.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t ask him about the white paper in his wallet.<\/p>\n
I dried my hands and went to the bedroom.<\/p>\n
Behind me, the television went quiet.<\/p>\n
\u201cPatty?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I stopped in the hallway.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo on to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
I went, but I took the newspaper with me.<\/p>\n
The next morning Gary ate his toast standing at the counter, and the envelope came down beside my coffee like a bill he had been carrying all week.<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t sit.<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t hum the way he used to when the toast was still warm.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been unhappy for years, Patty.\u201d<\/p>\n
He said it to the window, not to me.<\/p>\n
My thumb found the side of my index finger and stayed there.<\/p>\n
The envelope was thick and manila, with a metal clasp that had been opened and pressed shut again.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is that?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cOpen it and see.\u201d He wiped butter from his thumb onto his pants.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re going to want to sit down.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t sit.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The refrigerator hummed behind me.<\/p>\n
On the door, the pineapple magnet held a grocery list and a coupon for Folgers.<\/p>\n
The mug in my hand had a chip on the rim.<\/p>\n
I set it down without drinking.<\/p>\n
Gary put his plate in the sink.<\/p>\n
It landed with a soft knock against the stainless steel.<\/p>\n
Then he sat down himself, across from my empty chair, and waited.<\/p>\n
I slid the clasp open.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The paper inside was warm, as if it had been in the truck all night.<\/p>\n
The first page said Petition for Dissolution of Marriage.<\/p>\n
The county name was right.<\/p>\n
The date was right.<\/p>\n
My name was typed in small black letters beside his.<\/p>\n
The second page listed the debts.<\/p>\n
The third page had a line for my signature.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you want me to sign today?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cNot today.\u201d He tapped the table with one finger.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe lawyer says the filing date is what matters.<\/p>\n
Everything after that is just paperwork.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThirty-four years,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThirty-four years.\u201d He folded his hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not going to pretend it was all bad.\u201d<\/p>\n
My thumb pressed harder.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho typed this?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cA lawyer in town.<\/p>\n
That doesn\u2019t matter.\u201d He nodded at the papers.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe terms are simple.<\/p>\n
You get your car.<\/p>\n
I keep the truck.<\/p>\n
The house gets sold.<\/p>\n
The debt gets split.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned the page.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
There was a filing stamp at the top, dated Thursday.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou filed yesterday,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cBetter to get it done before the weekend.\u201d He reached back and patted his back pocket, the way he did when he was leaving a room.<\/p>\n
The wallet was there.<\/p>\n
I could see the shape of it through his jeans.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s something else,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHalf of nothing is still nothing, Patty, so don\u2019t expect to walk away with anything valuable.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled, and I saw a crumb on his front tooth.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I looked down at the papers.<\/p>\n
My name, his name, the date.<\/p>\n
The date was the only thing that didn\u2019t fit.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou checked irreconcilable differences,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s the only box that fits.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about the house?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy lawyer says we list it by Monday.\u201d He stood up.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a difference between thinking about something and doing it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I\u2019m doing it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about the truck payment?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll make it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou haven\u2019t made a payment in two years.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s between me and the bank.\u201d He looked at the papers.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd now between you and the lawyer.\u201d<\/p>\n
He left them in front of me and went down the hall to the bedroom.<\/p>\n
I sat down then.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The chair was still warm from him.<\/p>\n
The papers smelled of copier toner and his cigarettes.<\/p>\n
I heard the closet door slide open.<\/p>\n
I heard hangers knock together.<\/p>\n
The bedroom door was half open.<\/p>\n
He was talking to himself, low, the way he did when he couldn\u2019t find his keys.<\/p>\n
I got up and followed him.<\/p>\n
The hallway smelled of toast and his shaving cream, and for a second it was any morning of the last thirty years.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
His suitcase was open on the bed.<\/p>\n
He was pulling shirts off the rod in bunches.<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret is still in the hospital,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could wait a week, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t turn around.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s exactly the problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret is my sister.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I\u2019m your husband.\u201d He dropped the shirts in the suitcase.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWas.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood in the doorway and watched him fold his fishing shirts.<\/p>\n
The green one.<\/p>\n
The gray one with the pocket.<\/p>\n
He put his tackle box on top of the clothes and pressed it down.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re taking the fishing gear,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m taking what\u2019s mine.\u201d He zipped the suitcase and set it on the floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy lawyer says we shouldn\u2019t leave anything in the house that we care about.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I rubbed my thumb against my index finger until the skin felt warm.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe hospital bills came yesterday,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI paid half out of the grocery money.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stopped at the closet door, his hand on the frame.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you should have asked me first,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were at the track.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re always at the track on Tuesdays.\u201d<\/p>\n
He turned around then.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe if you were home more, I wouldn\u2019t have to be at the track.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m at the hospital.<\/p>\n
Margaret can\u2019t feed herself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret has nurses.\u201d He pulled the fishing rods out of the closet and laid them on the bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe you can move a cot into her room.<\/p>\n
Save gas.\u201d<\/p>\n
The rods were cold and silver.<\/p>\n
He checked the reels with his thumb, one after the other, the same way he used to check my forehead for fever when the children were small.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cYou haven\u2019t fished since 2019,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going to start.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you\u2019re taking a hobby you don\u2019t have.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m taking the gear because it\u2019s mine.\u201d He set the rods by the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe boat can come later.\u201d<\/p>\n
He carried the suitcase to the front door and set it down.<\/p>\n
Then he came back for the rods and the plastic box of lures.<\/p>\n
He went out to the truck and loaded them in the bed.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I stood by the coat rack and watched him.<\/p>\n
The morning was bright, and the driveway was still wet from the sprinkler.<\/p>\n
He came back in for his shaving kit.<\/p>\n
On his way past the kitchen, he looked at the divorce papers on the table and then at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll get the rest of it in the mail,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe rest of what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe rest of the papers.\u201d He picked up his shaving kit.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy lawyer says we should keep things clean.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cClean,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s all.\u201d He looked at me, and for a second his face was the old face, the one that used to squint at me over the Sunday paper.<\/p>\n
Then it closed up again.<\/p>\n
At the front door he stopped and looked back at the kitchen.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can keep the coffee maker.<\/p>\n
I never liked it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe children gave us that coffee maker.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know who gave it to us, Patty.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He went out.<\/p>\n
I followed him to the porch.<\/p>\n
The boards were cold under my bare feet.<\/p>\n
I hadn\u2019t put on shoes.<\/p>\n
The truck was parked crooked.<\/p>\n
He opened the driver\u2019s door and put the shaving kit on the seat.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere will you stay?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cA place my lawyer found.\u201d He patted his back pocket.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then he did it again.<\/p>\n
I watched his hand go back and rest there.<\/p>\n
The wallet made a square shape under the denim.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you going to the bank?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhich bank?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes it matter?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt matters to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled at me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cSomething like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
He got in the truck and started the engine.<\/p>\n
The belt squealed, loud and sharp, the way it did every morning now.<\/p>\n
The radio came on, a country station, and then he turned it off.<\/p>\n
He rolled down the window.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t call my phone today.<\/p>\n
My lawyer says we should keep things clean.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said that already.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThen it\u2019s worth saying twice.\u201d He put the truck in reverse.<\/p>\n
The neighbor\u2019s dog started barking.<\/p>\n
Gary didn\u2019t look that way.<\/p>\n
He checked his back pocket one more time before he pulled the door shut.<\/p>\n
I stood on the porch steps.<\/p>\n
The truck backed out of the driveway and turned left at the stop sign.<\/p>\n
I went back inside.<\/p>\n
The kitchen clock said nine exactly.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I had been standing on the porch for fifteen minutes.<\/p>\n
The divorce papers were still on the table.<\/p>\n
The plate was still in the sink.<\/p>\n
The pineapple magnet held the grocery list and the Folgers coupon and nothing else.<\/p>\n
The phone book was on the counter by the toaster.<\/p>\n
It was thin and old, its cover torn at the corner.<\/p>\n
I picked up the divorce papers and put them in order.<\/p>\n
Then I set them down and opened the phone book to Attorneys.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My finger stopped at a name.<\/p>\n
Arthur Cole, Attorney at Law.<\/p>\n
I set the manila envelope on Arthur Cole\u2019s desk before I took my coat off.<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t reach for it.<\/p>\n
He looked at the metal clasp, then at me, then adjusted his wire-rimmed glasses by the bridge.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou opened it,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cGary opened it for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur slid a finger under the clasp.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cDivorce papers.<\/p>\n
He filed this morning?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt eight twelve,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe clerk stamped it.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pulled out the first page and read.<\/p>\n
I put my purse on the floor and sat in the chair across from him.<\/p>\n
The chair had a tear in the vinyl patched with gray tape.<\/p>\n
\u201cMrs.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dunn,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cPatricia.<\/p>\n
You want me to represent you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He set the papers down.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou understand my retainer is twenty-eight hundred dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have it, is all.\u201d I didn\u2019t have it yet.<\/p>\n
I had a savings book in my purse and a bank branch two doors down.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Arthur flipped to the second page.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe filed at eight twelve this morning.<\/p>\n
What time did he leave the house?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEight forty-five.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen he filed before he left.\u201d Arthur took off his glasses and held them by one stem.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn this county, the filing date freezes the marital estate.<\/p>\n
Anything either of you acquires after that stamp is separate property.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put my thumb against my index finger.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cSeparate.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot divisible.<\/p>\n
Not part of the settlement.\u201d He put his glasses back on.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was in a hurry.<\/p>\n
Haste makes mistakes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of mistakes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMistakes.\u201d Arthur looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe kind that cost a man.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He said it plainly, not knowing.<\/p>\n
I kept my hands still in my lap.<\/p>\n
The clock on his wall had a second hand that jumped instead of sweeping.<\/p>\n
It jumped four times before I answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019d like you to represent me,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Arthur nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen I will.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t sign anything else he puts in front of you.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd Mrs.<\/p>\n
Dunn.\u201d He tapped the divorce papers with one finger.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhatever he was in a hurry to keep, he showed his hand by filing first.\u201d<\/p>\n
I picked up my purse.<\/p>\n
The manila envelope stayed on his desk.<\/p>\n
The bank branch sat two doors down, between a check cashing place and a nail salon.<\/p>\n
Nancy Smith had my withdrawal slip in her hand before I reached the counter.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMorning, honey.\u201d She tapped her fingernails on the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cCashier\u2019s check?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPayable to Arthur Cole,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwenty-eight hundred.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nancy typed.<\/p>\n
Her lips moved as she read the screen.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know your balance after this is going to be sixty-one dollars and forty cents.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoney, is everything all right?\u201d<\/p>\n
I slid the savings book across.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need the check, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nancy printed it and set it on the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt clears tomorrow.<\/p>\n
You want an envelope?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She put the cashier\u2019s check in a bank envelope and licked the flap.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy cousin\u2019s divorce lawyer took her for nine thousand.<\/p>\n
Arthur Cole is cheap.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s my lawyer,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Nancy\u2019s cheeks went pink.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t mean cheap like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
I took the envelope.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow much is in savings now?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cSixty-one forty.\u201d She tapped her nails again.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can print a statement.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d I folded the envelope into my purse.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
The county hospital lobby smelled of coffee and floor wax.<\/p>\n
Margaret\u2019s room was on the second floor, but I stopped at the window first.<\/p>\n
The parking lot was full of cars with their headlights on.<\/p>\n
Margaret was propped up on two pillows.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She gripped the edge of her blanket when she saw my face.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou look like you ate a lemon,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cSit down before you fall down.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat by the window.<\/p>\n
\u201cGary filed for divorce.\u201d<\/p>\n
Margaret breathed twice before she answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cFiled what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor divorce.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
This morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
She closed her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat son of a biscuit.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
It came out wrong, half a cough.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t you dare cry in front of me,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll start, and they\u2019ll pump me full of something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not crying.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re rubbing that thumb like it owes you money.\u201d She patted the bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome here.\u201d<\/p>\n
I moved my chair closer.<\/p>\n
She took my hand.<\/p>\n
Her fingers were warm and dry.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did the lawyer say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said Gary filed too early.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cToo early for what?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cFor the mistake he was making.\u201d I looked at the window.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Margaret breathed again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know what I think?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think a man who files divorce papers on a Friday morning has been thinking about it for a lot longer than Friday.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the bank envelope in my purse.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think you\u2019re right.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She squeezed my hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not alone, Patty.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m stuck in this bed, but I\u2019m not dead.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMargaret.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell.\u201d She let go and pulled her blanket up.<\/p>\n
\u201cBring me a peppermint next time.<\/p>\n
The food here tastes like a pencil eraser.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed again, for real this time.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI will.\u201d<\/p>\n
She closed her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd tell that lawyer to be worth twenty-eight hundred dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI will.\u201d<\/p>\n
I drove back to Arthur\u2019s office with the cashier\u2019s check in my purse.<\/p>\n
Arthur was still at his desk.<\/p>\n
He had a legal pad in front of him and three pens lined up.<\/p>\n
He took the check and looked at it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cTwenty-eight hundred,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is your money?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He put it in a drawer and closed it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll file an answer Monday.<\/p>\n
You shouldn\u2019t talk to Gary about money or property.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
He adjusted his glasses.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMrs.<\/p>\n
Dunn, at eleven o\u2019clock you asked what kind of mistake a man makes when he\u2019s in a hurry.<\/p>\n
You already knew something.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put my purse strap on my shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cI knew he was in a hurry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat isn\u2019t what I asked.\u201d He leaned back.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he take from your kitchen?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the empty bank envelope in my hand.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The paper was thin enough to see the outline of my fingers.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll tell you Monday,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need to sleep on it, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur\u2019s pen stayed in his hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cMonday?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMonday.\u201d<\/p>\n
I opened his door and stepped into the hallway.<\/p>\n
The clock at the end of the hall said four fifteen.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My phone buzzed in my purse.<\/p>\n
Gary\u2019s name lit up the screen.<\/p>\n
Two days later, the bank envelope lay flat on the end table where I had left it, the little window torn where the teller had pulled the check through.<\/p>\n
I had opened the same book four mornings running and hadn\u2019t turned a page past thirty.<\/p>\n
Then the front door pushed in.<\/p>\n
Gary still had his key.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust here for the drill, Patty,\u201d he said, and went past me into the hall closet as if the house still let him through.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He rummaged in there longer than it takes to find a drill.<\/p>\n
I heard him move the winter coats, then the box of Christmas ornaments, then the coats again.<\/p>\n
He came out with the case in one hand and didn\u2019t leave.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo how are you managing?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cManaging, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s good.\u201d He looked at the mantel.<\/p>\n
He looked at the window.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t look at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour plate is still in the sink,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTwo days now.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled at that, easily, the way he used to when the truck broke down and he wanted me to laugh before I got sore about the bill.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou always did keep a clean kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t answer him.<\/p>\n
He walked into the kitchen and opened the drawer by the stove where I keep the matches.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He shut it.<\/p>\n
He opened the cupboard over the refrigerator that has never held anything but flour, and shut that too.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou want something, Gary?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLooking for my tape measure.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour tape measure is in the truck.\u201d<\/p>\n
He set the drill case down on the coffee table, which he knew I didn\u2019t like, and let out a long breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want you to know I\u2019m not trying to make this hard on you.\u201d<\/p>\n
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he had it out before the second buzz.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
His thumb moved fast.<\/p>\n
Whatever was on it, he read it twice.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwo minutes,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomething in the truck.\u201d<\/p>\n
He came back up the walk with two bills folded between his fingers.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwo hundred,\u201d he said, holding them out.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor the week.<\/p>\n
Gas, groceries, whatever comes up.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I looked at his hand.<\/p>\n
Those bills were crisp and new, straight from a bank window.<\/p>\n
Two weeks ago he had counted ones onto this counter for a tank of gas and muttered the whole time.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere did that come from, Gary?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes it matter?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt does, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pushed them at me again.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I\u2019d feel better.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen feel better.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t need it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPatty.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have money.\u201d<\/p>\n
He laughed a little.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have half a bank account.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He laid the bills on the hood of my car and stepped back, like a man who had just settled something.<\/p>\n
I picked them up.<\/p>\n
He nodded at me, slow and patient, the way he used to nod at our youngest when she was being stubborn about her shoes.<\/p>\n
I set them flat on the concrete by his boot and went back up the steps.<\/p>\n
He stood there a second.<\/p>\n
Then he followed me in.<\/p>\n
The screen door didn\u2019t catch behind him.<\/p>\n
He bent the spring back with his thumb without looking at it, the way he had done a hundred times, and for one second there was nothing the matter with any of this.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
At the kitchen sink he poured himself a glass of water from the tap without asking and drank it standing where he had stood every evening for thirty-four years.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know,\u201d he said, \u201cI\u2019ve been doing some thinking.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI expect you have.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt isn\u2019t that I stopped caring about you, Patty.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople grow apart.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s all this is.<\/p>\n
Nobody\u2019s fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The tap was still running.<\/p>\n
I reached past him and shut it off.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you have Margaret to think about now,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were always running yourself ragged, doing for me and doing for her both.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you left for my benefit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI left so you could put your mind on her.\u201d He nodded once, slowly, as if the idea had only just come to him.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the truth of it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I want you happy.<\/p>\n
I want you at that hospital all day without worrying about me sitting here at home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s a generous thing to say.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why did you bring me a cup of tea Wednesday night?\u201d<\/p>\n
He turned his glass a quarter turn on the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t bring me tea, Gary.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Not in years.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t do something nice?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t say you couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
I asked why, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou looked tired.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s all it was.<\/p>\n
You\u2019d been up at that hospital till nine.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was seven.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen seven.\u201d He shrugged.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t keep a logbook, Patty.\u201d<\/p>\n
Somewhere in the house the furnace kicked on, and neither of us said anything over the noise of it.<\/p>\n
Then he picked up the dish towel and wiped a clean counter.<\/p>\n
I straightened the pineapple magnet on the refrigerator door and pushed it until it sat square.<\/p>\n
Margaret had brought it to me from Florida years back, from a trip with her husband before he passed.<\/p>\n
She never could walk past a souvenir shop without going in.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Gary set the towel down.<\/p>\n
Then he saw where I was looking, at the sink, at the plate still sitting there with the yolk gone brown and hard on the porcelain.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll get that before I go,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cLeave it.\u201d<\/p>\n
He went out the front door and didn\u2019t go straight to the truck.<\/p>\n
He leaned on the porch railing with both hands and looked down at my tomato plants.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re still watering these,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMorning and evening.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019ll come back.<\/p>\n
They always do.\u201d He picked off a dead leaf and rolled it between two fingers.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll be all right, you know.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been running the numbers.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe numbers.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOn the lottery.\u201d He said it the way he talked about the price of gas.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf a person takes the lump sum, they knock it down some, but it\u2019s paid out all at once and the taxes come out of it and nobody comes around later asking questions.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
That\u2019s the way a man ought to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood in the doorway with my hand flat on the screen.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy would you be looking into the lottery, Gary?\u201d<\/p>\n
He straightened up too fast.<\/p>\n
\u201cI read it in the paper,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cSame as anybody.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhich paper?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t start.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not starting anything.<\/p>\n
I asked which paper, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
He patted his back pocket.<\/p>\n
Then he came up the steps and went past me into the house and came back out with the drill case, and it knocked the doorframe on his way through.<\/p>\n
At the truck he stopped and turned around.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll call me if you need anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll call.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He got in.<\/p>\n
The belt squealed the way it had squealed since spring, and he backed out and was gone.<\/p>\n
When he turned his head to check the mirror, I saw a long white bank envelope on the seat beside him, its corner torn open.<\/p>\n
The two hundred dollars was on the kitchen counter, where I had set it after he left.<\/p>\n
I put my empty envelope down beside the bills, the torn window facing up, so I wouldn\u2019t forget what they cost.<\/p>\n
Arthur Cole adjusted his wire-rimmed glasses by the bridge and opened the thick manila folder.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is the early disclosure,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cFiled Friday afternoon.\u201d<\/p>\n
I set my chipped mug on the corner of his desk and looked at the columns.<\/p>\n
The numbers were small and close together, the way bank numbers always are.<\/p>\n
\u201cSixty-eight thousand dollars,\u201d Arthur said.<\/p>\n
\u201cA personal loan.<\/p>\n
Friday at 4:12 p.m.\u201d<\/p>\n
I rubbed my thumb against my index finger.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s hours after he handed me the envelope.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHours,\u201d Arthur said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe bank wired it the same day.\u201d<\/p>\n
I ran my finger down the page.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he do with it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur picked up his desk phone.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s ask.\u201d<\/p>\n
He dialed, pressed the speaker button, and set the receiver down.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A man\u2019s voice came through with a cough at the end of every sentence.<\/p>\n
\u201cFirst Oakhaven, loan department.<\/p>\n
Dennis speaking.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cArthur Cole.<\/p>\n
I need confirmation on a loan for Gary Dunn.<\/p>\n
Friday afternoon.\u201d<\/p>\n
Keys clicked.<\/p>\n
\u201cDunn, Gary.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Yes.<\/p>\n
Down payment on unit 4B at the Ridges.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put my mug down again.<\/p>\n
The coffee had gone cold.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Ridges off Route 4?\u201d Arthur asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cLuxury condos.<\/p>\n
He put down sixty thousand.<\/p>\n
The rest covered fees.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Arthur thanked him and hung up.<\/p>\n
He looked at me over the top of his glasses.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was arranging a new address before he served you papers.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho is the condo for?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the question, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n
By one o\u2019clock the hospital room smelled of antiseptic and old flowers.<\/p>\n
Margaret was propped up on two pillows, her gray hair flat on one side.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou look like you swallowed a spoon,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d I sat in the chair beside her bed.<\/p>\n
She breathed heavily between her short phrases.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou rub your thumb when you lie.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put my hand in my lap.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid the lawyer find anything?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGary took out a loan Friday.<\/p>\n
Put money down on a condo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Margaret gripped the edge of her blanket.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cA condo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI keep hearing the radio from Saturday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat radio?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe kitchen radio.<\/p>\n
I was packing your nightgown.<\/p>\n
The announcer read the lottery numbers.\u201d<\/p>\n
She closed her eyes for a second.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou never listen to that.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI turned it off.<\/p>\n
Gary was at the table.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe heard.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe heard.\u201d<\/p>\n
Margaret coughed and pointed at the water cup.<\/p>\n
I held it while she took two small swallows.<\/p>\n
Her hand was warm and dry.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry about the transfer,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThe rehab place called again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll handle it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou always say that.\u201d<\/p>\n
At four o\u2019clock I stood in my kitchen with the trash bag open on the floor.<\/p>\n
The refrigerator hummed behind me.<\/p>\n
The pineapple magnet held nothing but a faint square of clean paint.<\/p>\n
Arthur\u2019s voice came through the phone tucked against my shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cStart with the bin under the sink.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI am not digging through coffee grounds for a receipt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re looking for a printout.<\/p>\n
He wouldn\u2019t keep it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I dumped the bag.<\/p>\n
Eggshells, a coffee filter, junk mail, a coupon for dish soap.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnything?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA hardware store receipt.<\/p>\n
A grocery list.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I lifted the coffee filter and saw a corner of newspaper.<\/p>\n
I pulled it out and smoothed it on the counter.<\/p>\n
The lottery column.<\/p>\n
The same one I had read Thursday.<\/p>\n
Dated Saturday morning.<\/p>\n
\u201cArthur.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s the newspaper column.<\/p>\n
Dated Saturday morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cRead me the time stamp.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSaturday, 7:12 a.m.<\/p>\n
The numbers are circled.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was quiet for a moment.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe knew before you came home Sunday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe knew before I even came home on Sunday, Arthur.<\/p>\n
He sat there watching me for days.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe tea on Wednesday.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
That wasn\u2019t kindness.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGuilt.<\/p>\n
He felt guilty for going through my kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe searched Saturday. He stole it Saturday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why the tea?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause he had to stand in your kitchen and lie to your face.<\/p>\n
It was guilt, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the paper.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The date was printed in small black type above the numbers.<\/p>\n
My thumb pressed against the edge until it curled.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t call him,\u201d Arthur said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need a way to prove he took it from the fridge.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know yet.<\/p>\n
But he doesn\u2019t know you found this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe thinks I\u2019m still guessing.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cKeep it that way.\u201d<\/p>\n
My phone buzzed against my ear.<\/p>\n
Gary\u2019s name lit up the screen.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n
Arthur said, \u201cCome by tomorrow.<\/p>\n
We need to move before he does.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have to go to the bank first.\u201d<\/p>\n
I slid the paper into the manila envelope and folded the flap.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The bank opened at ten.<\/p>\n
The card reader beeped twice, and the screen went red.<\/p>\n
Nancy tapped her fingernails on the counter and leaned over the keypad.<\/p>\n
\u201cTry it again, honey.\u201d<\/p>\n
I swiped the card a second time.<\/p>\n
The same red.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need to wire three thousand eight hundred fifty dollars to Maplewood Care and Rehab, is all,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor my sister\u2019s transfer.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Nancy looked at the screen, then at me.<\/p>\n
Her nails were coral pink.<\/p>\n
Tap, tap, tap.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat isn\u2019t going through, honey.\u201d<\/p>\n
I asked her to run it as credit.<\/p>\n
She did.<\/p>\n
Declined.<\/p>\n
I asked her to check the balance.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She did that too, and her mouth went flat.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt says hold,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of hold?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe kind I have to get the manager for.\u201d<\/p>\n
The clock above the vault said ten twelve.<\/p>\n
I rubbed my thumb against my index finger and watched Nancy walk to the glass door behind the teller line.<\/p>\n
She knocked twice and said something to the woman inside.<\/p>\n
Nancy came back with a printed slip.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She slid it across the counter face down.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Mrs.<\/p>\n
Dunn, but the primary account holder has frozen all outbound transfers pending a legal separation.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned the slip over.<\/p>\n
The amount I had asked to send sat at the top in bold.<\/p>\n
Under it, in smaller type, was the word HOLD.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy name is on that account,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHis is first, honey.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I asked for the manager again.<\/p>\n
Nancy said the manager was on a call with the regional office.<\/p>\n
I said I would wait.<\/p>\n
She tapped her nails once more and then stopped herself.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can print your transaction history, if that helps.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt doesn\u2019t help,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need the transfer to go through today, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nancy looked past me at the line forming behind us.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A man in a seed cap shifted his weight.<\/p>\n
A woman with a deposit bag checked her watch.<\/p>\n
Nancy lowered her voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cHis lawyer sent the order yesterday afternoon.<\/p>\n
We can\u2019t release anything until the legal separation is resolved.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cResolved how?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA court order, honey.<\/p>\n
Or his signature.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I put the card back in my wallet.<\/p>\n
My fingers weren\u2019t steady.<\/p>\n
I pressed the wallet shut and held it with both hands.<\/p>\n
At Arthur\u2019s office, the thick manila envelope from Friday still sat on the corner of his desk, its metal clasp bent.<\/p>\n
A rent notice peeked out from under a stack of files.<\/p>\n
Arthur adjusted his wire-rimmed glasses by the bridge.<\/p>\n
\u201cThirty days?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThirty days,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThe bank won\u2019t move a dollar until then.\u201d<\/p>\n
I paced from his desk to the window and back.<\/p>\n
The carpet had a worn path down the middle.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe transfer for Margaret is due Thursday,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe facility will give her bed to someone else.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur pulled a legal pad closer and wrote the date at the top.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe file an emergency motion.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said the hold can\u2019t be lifted.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cLifted, no.<\/p>\n