It’s not often that an obituary captures the world’s attention, but every now and then one comes along that leaves people speechless.
Imagine coming across an obituary that reads more like a scathing letter than a celebratory tribute, so loaded with bitterness that it sparks outrage, disbelief,, and a firestorm of online debate.
That’s exactly what happened in a small Minnesota town this wee when Kathleen Dehmlow’s children used her obituary to express decades of resentment in a way so blunt it was described as a public reckoning rather than a farewell.
This is the story of how a 105-word announcement turned an ordinary death notice into a shocking family revelation.
“Go to hell, mom!”
That was the underlying sentiment of the strikingly blunt announcement of a Minnesota woman’s death that surfaced earlier this week.
A 105-word obituary appeared in the Redwood Falls Gazette, a local newspaper in Minnesota, but was quickly removed from the publication’s website after a backlash from readers who felt it crossed the line. Redwood Falls, a town of 5,254, became the focus of widespread attention throughout the controversy.
The obituary begins in standard fashion, stating that Kathleen Dehmlow (née Schunk), born in Wabasso, Minnesota, in 1938, married Dennis Dehmlow in 1957. The couple had two children, Gina and Jay.
In the third paragraph, however, the tone changes dramatically:
“In 1962, she became pregnant with her husband’s brother, Lyle Dehmlow, and moved to California. She left behind her children, Gina and Jay, who were subsequently raised by their grandparents, Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Schunk, in Clements.”
The announcement ends on a particularly bitter note:
“She died in Springfield on May 31, 2018 ,,and will now be tried. Gina and Jay know that this world is a better place without her, even though they will miss her.”
Ouch.
Paragraph 1: Okay.
Paragraph 2: Acceptable.
Paragraph 3: Wait, what?
Paragraph 4: But no.
Paragraph 5: An airplane flies overhead with a banner reading: ‘WELCOME TO HELL, MOM!’
Heather Lende, author of Find the Good: Unexpected Life Lessons from a Small-Town Obituary Writer, noted that the unfiltered anger expressed in the obituary sparked a broader conversation on social media about what is appropriate to include in an obituary.
“At its core, an obituary is simply a death notice with a brief biography,” Here & Now’s Robin Young told Lende. “There’s no need to pass judgment. If you can’t say anything kind, it’s best to stick to the basic facts and leave it at that.”
While the details of the obituary are accurate, Dwight Dehmlow, a relative, told the Star Tribune that the notice offers an incomplete view of Kathleen’s life.
“There is more to the story. It’s not that simple,” he said. “She made a mistake 60 years ago, but who hasn’t? Did she regret it? Yes.”
Dwight also said Kathleen died peacefully with her sisters by her side after spending a year in a nursing home.
The viral circulation of the obituary on the international website legacy.com prompted the platform to reevaluate its content standards in response to the backlash.
“Our newspaper partners maintain very high standards for content, and we have not had to enforce separate policies in this area,” Stopher Bartol, CEO and founder of Legacy.com, said in a statement. “This means we take the trust placed in us seriously and will review our procedures when necessary.”
Blunt or bitter death announcements are nothing new. In 2017, a family from Galveston, Texas, published a scathing obituary for Leslie Ray Charping, citing his hobbies as “abusing his family, speeding up trips to heaven for beloved pets, and fishing.”
According to obituary expert Susan Soper, such tributes are often driven by a need for catharsis or an outlet for unresolved anger or pain.
“Talking about the dead is rare,” Soper told The Washington Post. “But it happens. Some obituaries were brutally honest about the harm someone had done or the mistakes they had made.”
Kathleen’s son Jay Dehmalo, who changed his last name to distance himself from his family, told the Daily Mail that he and his sister knew the obituary would draw criticism, but he was relieved to share his truth.
“This writing helped us,” Jay said. “Finally, we must have the last word.
Kathleen Dehmlow’s controversial obituary sparked intense debate about the role of honesty in death announcements and whether such public displays of bitterness are even appropriate. While some see the harsh memorial as a cathartic release for her estranged children, others say obituaries should remain respectful and focus on basic facts rather than personal grievances.
This incident highlights the complexity of family dynamics and the lasting impact of unresolved pain. Ultimately, it raises the question: Should the truth always be told, no matter how brutal, or should death grant the deceased a definitive reprieve from judgment?