It is a death announcement that has left the small town of Redwood Falls, Minnesota, winding.
The words in the obituar were so shocking, so unfiltered that it quickly caught up with a wide attention and even controversy. While obitters are usually reserved for honoring the deceased with respect and reflection,
one recent memorial captivated an extremely different approach – postponing the public impressed and questioning how far he could go when he was talking about someone’s life. What did this special announcement heard?
The answer lies in the brutal honesty and raw emotions expressed by surviving family members that caused debates that exceed the boundaries of typical grief and the empire of catharsis, bitterness and unspoken family history.
A recent obituterologist published in a newspaper in the small town of Minnesota shocked the reader with his brutally sincere tone. The announcement of the death of 105 words for Kathleen Dehmlow, which died in Springfield 31 May 2018, was an unexpected and hard news from her children Gina and Jay. The announcement that appeared in Redwood Falls Gazette began with typical biographical details, noticing the birth of Kathleen in Wabasso in Minnesota and her marriage to Dennis Dehmlow. In the third paragraph, however, it took a dramatic turn.
The obituary revealed that in 1962 Kathleen became pregnant brother of her husband Lyle Dehmlow and moved to California and left her children in this process. They were brought up by her parents in Clements. The obituary has closed with a sharp note: “Now will be tried … Gina and Jay know that this world is a better place without it, even if it will be missing.”
The memorial, which was later removed from the Redwood Falls Gazette website after the readers expressed outrage, caused a wider debate on social media about the suitability of such messages in obituaries. Heather Lende, author of The Find the Good:
Unexpected Life Lessons by a writer of obituarians with a small town, noted that while necrologues usually focus on the positive aspects of man’s life, he has crossed the line. “At its basic level, the obituary is a announcement of death with biography,” Lende said, stressed that if there was nothing to say, a basic outline should be enough.
Although the facts are accurate, some family members, such as Dwight Dehmlow, Kathleen’s relative, say that only part of the story tells it. He said that while Kathleen made mistakes, she also regretted them over the years. Dwight added that Kathleen died peacefully with her sisters alongside her side after spent last year in a nursing home.
Obituary online has made the prominent Obituary service to reconsider its content standards. Stopher’s CEO Bartol said that the company will review its procedures and aims the responsibility of its partners and families they serve.
While harsh obituaries are rare, they are not completely unheard of. For example, the Leslie Ray Charping family has released a similarly terrible obituary in Galveston, Texas, presenting their “interests”, including offensive and speeding up trips to heaven for family pets. Susan Soper, an expert in an obituary, explains that such announcements of death are often written from catharsis, anger or bitterness. “People generally do not speak badly about the dead, but not always,” she said, stressed that some obituaries are brutally sincere about the offenses of the deceased.
Jay Dehmlow, Kathleen’s son, who changed his surname to distance himself from his family, said that although he and his sister were aware of will, they felt that it was important to tell the truth about their mother.
The controversial obituary Kathleen Dehmlow lit an intense debate on the boundaries of honesty and decency in the memory of the deceased. While some argue that such a brutal true story is for the katartic family and a way to express unresolved anger, others believe that it will exceed the line of respect for the departed, regardless of their past mistakes.
The situation also raises questions about the liability of obituaries platforms and how they equalize freedom of manifestation with potential damage that such content can cause. Finally, this incident emphasizes the complex nature of grief and sometimes a painful need for closure and also the role of the public in shaping the conversation about how we honor those who have passed.