The concept of marriage often evokes a myriad of emotions and feelings in individuals. For some, it is a lifelong dream and a symbol of commitment, while for others it may be viewed with skepticism or even horror. In the case of Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue, two beloved public figures, their journey to marriage has been anything but ordinary, marked by unexpected twists and turns in their view of this sacred institution.
Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas are the authors of The Marriage Guide. In their book, What Makes a Marriage Last: 40 Celebrated Couples Share with Us the Secrets, the long-married couple talks about their relationship.
Marlo, who has been married to Phil for over 40 years, strangely admits that she grew up wanting nothing to do with marriage.
In the book, the famous person revealed his previous negative opinion of the institution: “Marriage is like a vacuum cleaner: you stick it to your ear and it sucks out all your energy and ambition.”
Thomas often communicates his feelings, comparing marriage to a prisoner who needs to be pacified. That is until she met Donahue.
Phil Donahue’s first marriage ended in divorce and the two have remained friends since meeting Marlo Thomas.
The “Phil Donahue Show”, which eventually became the nickname “Donahue”, served as a platform for Phil Donahue’s first public recognition. The program ran for 29 years and included audience participation for the first time. One of the guests on his show, Marlo Thomas, radically changed the path of his life.
The book claims the two first met in 1977 in Chicago, where Phil had four children with him. His fifth child, a daughter, lived elsewhere with his ex-wife and her mother.
Marlo and Phil dated for three years before marrying in 1980 in front of a small wedding party with 35 guests.
Unsurprisingly, Marla’s family and friends were taken aback by the actress’ change of heart. The couple’s book describes a humorous story involving Marla’s bridal shower, where attendees posted notes from the bride-to-be revealing her past views on marriage.
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According to the novel, Marlo’s mother was the one who was most surprised, asking Donahue during the ceremony, “How did you get her to do that?”
Even total strangers have reportedly expressed shock over the celebrity and social activist’s decision to tie the knot, among other emotions. During the flight the couple took to Greece for their honeymoon, the woman expressed her displeasure to Marlo while Phil was using the restroom. It was clear that the woman was disappointed that Marlo had abandoned his former independent nature.
Thomas is candid in the book, acknowledging that this exchange planted the seeds of doubt. She had spent so much of her life opposing marriage, was she now being hypocritical by getting married? Did she disappoint those who saw her as a paragon of independence?
Donahue and Thomas are able to keep their marriage together despite frequent ups and downs, which the book details when discussing their long union. They describe these challenges as learning opportunities that strengthened their bond.
The couple had to spend time apart even in their early marriage while Marlo traveled to pursue an acting career and Phil filmed his show in Chicago.
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Thomas’s aunt pointed out that the couple’s union was invalid because they were not actually living together, and this made Thomas realize that different cultures have different definitions of marriage.
Despite the separation, Thomas and Donahue managed to keep their marriage together. Importantly, when Marlo got married, she also had children.
In an interview with AARP in 2012, Thomas reflected on what it was like to help Phil raise his children and stated that she went into it knowing that they already had a traditional mother and that it would not be her role.
Marlo claims that she instead started treating Phil’s children more like friends in an attempt to model her own mother’s parenting style. She continues by saying that she feels more connected to them today than she did at the beginning of the marriage.
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Donahue points out that Thomas actually took as much time as he could during the chat to get to know his sons and try to understand the boys in the book.
Phil and Marlo believe their long-lasting connection is a result of their trust in each other, as well as their deep bond with his children. When you realize you’re still being watched, Marlo explains, you start to build confidence.
Although they have been married for more than 40 years, they still have a lot to remember.
Phil goes on to note that if a marriage is to last, it must have the support of both parties. He’s right, and Marlo agrees, adding that she would never want to be with her lover other than married. She claims Donohue helped her “in every possible way”.
Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue attribute their enduring marriage to trust, mutual belief, and a close relationship with Phil’s children. They emphasize that trust is built when you know someone always has your back. This unwavering support and loyalty was the cornerstone of their relationship.
They also emphasize that it is important that both partners want the marriage to last. Marlo reaffirms her commitment and expresses that she would never want anything more than to be married to Phil. In her eyes, he was her greatest support in every aspect of life.
Their love story is a testament to the unpredictability of life and the transformative power of love. Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue’s marital journey began with skepticism and uncertainty but developed into a lifelong partnership filled with trust, love, and mutual respect. In a world where relationships are often tested, their enduring bond serves as an inspiring example of enduring love.