Something felt… off.
Not in some over-the-top, TV drama kind of way—there were no shouting matches or shattered wine glasses—but rather a subtle discomfort I couldn’t quite name.
A few months had passed since we moved in together, and while everything on the surface seemed ideal (coordinated dishware, synced streaming subscriptions, a predictable dinner routine), something deeper had shifted. Our s*x life, once lively, had started to fade into the background.
I couldn’t help but wonder—was this just part of the adjustment? Was I overanalyzing things? Or was this a quiet warning sign of a deeper issue?
If you’ve ever shared a home with a partner, you’ve probably noticed how intimacy evolves over time. Relationships usually move from playful beginnings to the passionate honeymoon phase and then settle into something more stable and cozy. And one thing that inevitably shifts is your s*x life.
So, when you’re officially living under one roof, how often should s*x be happening? The truth is, there isn’t a universal benchmark. Being in a loving, stable partnership doesn’t guarantee a constant spark. In fact, the idea that living together equals endless s*x is more fantasy than reality (anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship knows this well).
Think back to that scene in the s*x and the City movie where Miranda admits she and Steve haven’t been intimate for half a year. She chalks it up to stress, parenting duties, and family obligations—completely understandable, yet still surprising to her friends. Only Charlotte speaks up in support, reminding everyone that every couple has their own rhythm.
And she’s absolutely right. According to clinical psychologist and couples therapist Dr. Carolina Castafios, there’s no standard frequency that applies to all relationships. “There isn’t a magic number,” she says—something Charlotte would no doubt appreciate hearing herself.
Dr. Castafios emphasizes that how meaningful the experience is matters far more than how often it occurs. “A couple might have s*x every day and still feel emotionally distant. Another might only do so once a week but feel completely connected,” she explains. What makes s*x fulfilling is often the emotional connection between partners.
So why did Miranda’s situation seem so dire? Well, it was a film called s*x and the City, so the lack of s*x was bound to be portrayed dramatically. But in real life, how often couples are physically intimate can still reflect their emotional dynamics.
Does Frequency Actually Matter?
There’s no fixed rule on how many times per week you should be getting intimate, but that doesn’t mean frequency is irrelevant. s*x remains an important expression of closeness in many relationships. Dr. Castafios compares s*x to a supplement—helpful when included regularly, but not necessarily required daily.
When Might It Be a Concern?
It’s easy to raise an eyebrow at a dry spell like Miranda’s, but what’s considered “enough” is highly personal. No outsider can truly determine what feels normal or healthy for you and your partner.
Still, Dr. Castafios suggests that going without s*x for over a month could, in some cases, point to underlying concerns. Miranda and Steve eventually saw a therapist, confronted the issues causing the distance, and rekindled their connection. If your s*x life feels off-track, it could be a symptom of deeper emotional disconnection or a breakdown in communication. Signs like persistent irritability, tension, or even avoidance might indicate there’s more happening beneath the surface.
Can There Be Too Much?
Surprisingly, yes—but the issue isn’t just about how often, but why you’re having s*x. Dr. Castafios explains that some people use s*x to cope with emotional stress. “Orgasms release oxytocin, which lowers cortisol levels,” she says. That hormonal boost can act like a temporary fix for emotional strain—making s*x feel addictive for the wrong reasons.
When intimacy is being used to avoid facing relationship problems or emotional discomfort, it may provide a temporary escape but not lasting connection. In those cases, s*x becomes more of a coping mechanism than a reflection of closeness.
Even high-frequency s*x doesn’t necessarily mean a stronger bond. Dr. Castafios notes that overall satisfaction in a relationship is more closely tied to how fulfilling s*x is, rather than how often it happens.
So, while a Samantha-style approach to s*x might seem exciting, it doesn’t guarantee a deeper connection if it’s masking emotional gaps.
Conclusion
In truth, there’s no “right” answer to how often couples should be having s*x—because the right answer is whatever feels fulfilling for your relationship. The most important part is that both partners feel emotionally connected, secure, and open about their needs. Whether intimacy happens daily or just occasionally, it should be a way to enhance your relationship—not patch over what’s missing.
Instead of counting how many times it happens, focus on whether it feels meaningful, honest, and mutual. True intimacy can’t be measured in numbers—it’s built on closeness, trust, and a willingness to grow together.