There are many different approaches to parenting, and each has its advocates and detractors.
While some parents prefer strictness, others are more relaxed and emphasize kindness and understanding. Emma, our reader, belongs to the second group.
She was criticized for her parenting techniques, so she wrote Bright Side to not only express her unique parenting approach but also to ask other parents for advice.
Emma decided to end the cycle in her family.
Emma, 38, wrote us a touching message that began: “Hi Bright Side, I have always respected your forum as a trusted place where people can express their thoughts freely on a range of topics. I have often commented on other people’s posts on your site in the past which provide clues and give their opinions on the stories that have been presented, I am now looking for feedback from your readers regarding my son’s situation.”
The mother said, “My son Georgie is eight years old,” before telling her story. I have known all my life that I want children. When I discovered my pregnancy, I decided to disrupt the patterns in my family by adopting a less combative parenting approach.”
Her mental health was affected by her parents’ harsh upbringing.
“I understood the consequences of such an authoritarian upbringing when I grew up under the strict rule of my parents,” says the woman, explaining that her decision is the result of a painful personal experience. It was hard for all of us in our house, not just me. My confidence eroded and the constant pressure gave rise to anxiety. My parents and I didn’t get along well.’
“For years, I didn’t understand the impact this set-up had on my mental health. But as I got older, I made a conscious effort to confront these difficulties. Striking a balance between understanding and discipline is critical in parenting.”
For this reason, I want to provide my son with a loving atmosphere that values open communication, respect, and love. So he is spared the same struggles I had. However, my husband does not agree with this way of raising children. She feels that Georgia needs to be aware of social conventions and the consequences of her behavior.’
Her son doesn’t make excuses.
The mother did not insist on expedient politeness; instead, she decided to teach her child empathy. She says: “I have decided that I will never let my child say please or thank you, or make them apologize. I really think this strategy will cause them psychological distress.”
The mother clarified her position by saying: “We train children to be fake by forcing them to apologize, even if they don’t mean it. It’s okay if your child doesn’t really feel bad about what they’ve done.” Children need time to develop empathy and understand the impact of their actions on others.
Children learn from forced apologies that other people’s feelings are more important than their own. Sometimes, after a disagreement or argument, we need some time to collect ourselves and consider our mistakes. This kind of thinking allows us to acknowledge our mistakes and recognize our role in the problem.
This time, we deny the children to think when we urge them to apologize. We also advise them to put the needs of the other before their own feelings. This can result in adults who always want to please others, find it difficult to stand up for themselves, and are unable to get what they need. Georgie doesn’t make up for it.’
In her letter, Emma describes a recent incident on the playground: “When Georgie pushed another child, I went up to him and apologized instead of making him apologize.
Georgie, I think, would have seen my example and picked up on the appropriate behavior under such circumstances.” Based on Emma’s letter, however, the child’s mother was not amused and demanded that Georgie apologize himself. “When I told her that my son would not apologize, because it might traumatize him, she called me a ‘bad and irresponsible mother’ for allowing my son to act like this,” Emma wrote.
Her friends and family are very critical of her.
“This incident on the playground only escalated our argument with my husband about parenting,” Emma continues in her story. Although he insists on using harsher procedures, I disagree.
When it comes to proper parenting, some parents may even be cruel or forcefully control their child’s behavior in order to preserve their own good name. They may act this way out of insecurity or fear.
My goal is to be my child’s friend, support him in managing his feelings, and guide him through life. This way of communication teaches the child responsibility and independence, as well as how it affects other people. I don’t think less of my authority, I just don’t think I’m better than my son.
I already have a close relationship with Georgie, so I tell him if I’m feeling overwhelmed and need some time to myself. He’s learning from me now, so he’ll let me know when he needs more space.’
“Despite always having confidence in my parenting methods and seeing positive results, constant criticism from my husband and other parents made me question my decisions,” Emma says as she concludes her letter. I hope you can advise me, audience. what do you think about it?
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Empathic and respectful rather than forced politeness, Emma’s approach to parenting reflects her desire to detach herself from her own difficult upbringing. She believes that mandating apologies and expressions of gratitude when a child doesn’t really feel them can lead to psychological distress and hinder their emotional development. Instead, she prefers to model appropriate behavior and allows her son Georgie to learn from observing her actions.
However, Emma faces considerable opposition from her husband and others who argue that her methods may not adequately prepare Georgie for societal expectations and consequences. This conflict led her to question her parenting decisions and seek validation from others. Despite the criticism, Emma remains committed to her philosophy and believes that fostering a supportive and understanding environment is key to raising a well-adjusted child.
Ultimately, Emma’s experience underscores the complex and personal nature of parenting. While her approach may not conform to traditional expectations, she emphasizes the importance of aligning parenting methods with one’s own values and understanding the potential impact on child development. Continued dialogue and feedback from others may provide Emma with additional perspectives on how to refine her approach, but her commitment to creating a nurturing environment for her son remains at the core of her parenting philosophy.