It’s one of those things that is always annoyed for me, something I could never completely shake.
Every time I visited my mom’s house, it was: her dog, Charlie, comfortably spilled on the couch and behaved as if it were his throne. For most people it may seem trivial, but for me it was something other than.
When OCD was, the idea of ​​sitting where he was was unbearable. And with my young daughter, I just couldn’t relax because I knew the couch was the territory of the dog. But no matter how many times I mentioned it to my mom, just laughed.
It was as if I were the one who was disproportionate. I knew a little, things were about to come to the head, and the tension was about to explode.
Every time I visit my mom, her dog always claims that the couch is behaving as if he was in charge of. Some people may not mind, but it’s something that really bothers me. I felt in this way for years and it is not just a personal discomfort. With my OCD and young daughter, sitting, where the dog was not just unpleasant for me – it’s unbearable. However, my mom does not seem to be bothered at all.
The ongoing battle for the boundary
Once again I walked to find my mom on the couch with my dog, Charlie, curled beside her. Once I saw them, frustration hit me like a wave. It wasn’t just a couch – it was the main area of ​​sitting where family and friends gathered. My mom saw Charlie as part of her family, cuddling him happily, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
Once again I reminded her that I couldn’t sit where he was. She laughed and carelessly said, “That your OCD will be over me.” She tried to convince me that being around dog bacteria would strengthen me my daughter and me. “Come, dear!”
I felt anger bubbling. For her, my OCD was just an unpredictable feature, something she could laugh about, but it was a big problem for me. Sitting on the couch after the dog was there, I felt dirty and impressed by the idea of ​​germs. I was the only one who thought the animals should stay outside?
Lines drawing: ultimatum
I took a deep breath and said, “Mom, I said it before, but
it’s not what you think – it’s about how I feel.” Then I said to her, “The dog must be out of the couch when I’m here or I’m leaving.”
Her expression has changed and I was hoping to understand, but instead sighed and replied, “Mary, Charlie is my best friend.
Her words hung in the air. I stood quietly there and felt the growing distance between us. It was clear that Charlie meant more than my comfort and a sense of security in her house. At that moment, I decided that I had to show her the importance of setting boundaries.
Acceptance of checking: Motion Plan
I quickly came up with a plan. When she spoke, I told her I had to catch something from my car. She looked curiously, but she didn’t doubt it. I decided: If she thought Charlie was a family, I would show her what it was like to set the boundaries with a “family”.
I left for a while to collect and then came back. Sure, Charlie was still lazy on the couch and gave me an innocent look. I went up, calmly lifted him and took him out and locked the door behind. When I turned, I saw my mom threw herself to the door, shocked. “Brianno, is that really what you want to do?” She asked.
“I give you a choice, Mom,” I said, and my voice stable. “If Charlie stays inside, I’m leaving. If she stays outside, I’ll stay. I can’t come and feel unwelcome or disrespect.”
The moment of truth
My mom looked at me, then Charlie, her face a mixture of injuries and anger. She didn’t expect to take it so far. She stood quiet for a while, and I saw the determination at her beginning. It was clear how much she loved Charlie, perhaps even more than she realized. In the end, with a sad look at her face, she slowly shook her head.
“Oh, Brianno, I love you …” she said, waving. “But I can’t change who I am and Charlie is part of me.”
At that moment I understood that we had reached a dead end. I was hoping to make a small change I needed to feel comfortable in her house, but it was clear that we both felt misunderstood and unwilling to compromise. I turned away and felt the weight of my decision.
When I went to the car, I was still wondering if I was disproportionate. Was it really just about setting my own boundaries? In that long, quiet moment, I knew that things would never be the same between us.
In the end, the choice I made was difficult, but it was necessary for my own peace. Just as I love my mom, I realized that the boundaries were necessary in any relationship, even with my family. We both learned something important that day – my mom understood that my needs were not just jokes, and I equalized the fact that sometimes even loved ones had different priorities.
Our relationship will never be the same, but maybe it’s the best. It is a painful but key step towards mutual respect, and for the first time I felt as if I were giving myself and my family first. I can only hope that my mom will eventually understand that boundaries are also in the form of love.