The dynamics of family relationships, especially when influenced by cultural differences, can be complex and emotionally demanding. In the case of the woman who shared her experience online, the tension between her and her mother-in-law highlights the challenges that can arise when navigating intergenerational and cross-cultural interactions in the context of marriage. Despite her efforts to respect her mother-in-law’s culture and accommodate her needs, the constant criticism and interference left her feeling overwhelmed and unsupported, especially during her pregnancy. As she seeks advice and support from online communities, it is clear that many individuals sympathize with her plight and offer suggestions on how to deal with the situation. However, finding solutions often requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives.
In several traditions, marriage unites entire families, not just two people. These interactions can be greatly complicated by cultural differences, which can be stressful for both parties. That’s exactly what occurred to a woman who decided to post her experience online.
What actually happened:
| (21) I have a 2-year-old boy and am heavily pregnant with twins. My husband, who is 27 years old, insisted that his mother move in with us because she was older and lost her husband half a year ago.
Since then, I have found it difficult to live with my mother-in-law because she is picky and always finds fault with what I do. Even though my culture is different from hers, I try to respect it.
She’s been bossing me around since she moved in, and since she’s my husband’s mother, I’ve tried my best to accommodate her, but it just doesn’t work.
He always finds something with me!
My tension level has risen to the point where I am crying. She once asked me to make food from her own country, but she didn’t help me in the kitchen. After one taste, she told me it was terrible and threw the whole plate away.
She constantly watches me when I clean, tells me that I don’t clean properly, and that it is incomprehensible that her son would marry a woman who is not even capable of being a wife.
I find her rude and whenever I try to get her to stop being rude to me, she runs to my husband and says I was the one who was rude to her.
Whether she likes it or not, I am the mother of her unborn granddaughters and grandson, so I am family. I told my mother-in-law that enough was enough and that I would not do anything for her until she learned to treat me with respect. I’m pregnant and exhausted and I can’t take it anymore.
She informed me that she was disgusted that her son had chosen me and that women in this country do not know how to respect their elders. Finally, she called my husband who naturally heard her story and without bothering to listen to me expressed his sympathy for his mother.
He is upset, he believes that while his mother is still grieving, I should do more to keep our relationship going.
However, even though I have repeatedly pointed this out to my husband, all he has done is minimize his mother’s behavior and claim that she will eventually warm up to me – which she has not.
What online users said:
It seems logical that online users have come to the author’s defense. Here are some of their comments:
It is your husband, not your MIL, that needs to be fixed. This will continue if your husband puts his mother before you. Reddit / XxQueenOfSwordsXx
This man would have a whipping from me if I left him so quickly. She will always support her mother. I suggest filming the moment he misbehaves and asking him to minimize it.
You are expecting a baby. They have to look after their own requirements. Give him a date. Let him know it’s up to you, the kids, or her. Both cannot live in the same house with him. Reddit / Yasnovak You should strongly advise your spouse that they must support your plan and ensure that his mother does not disrespect the mother of his children in this way.
You should stop doing anything for him too until he makes his mom go or tells her to treat you right if he won’t agree and keep asking you to serve his mom. You don’t deserve this stress because you’re pregnant. Culture is not important here.
Her behavior towards you is unacceptable and you should reject her behavior as well as your husband’s support.
Right now you see them as more of a burden than a help and you should refuse to use the system they put in place until that changes. Reddit / Ki****Diva
What can psychologists say?
Psychologists recommend the following steps if you have problems with your MIL or your in-laws who come from a different cultural backgrounds and want to maintain a positive relationship:
If your mother-in-law feels that you are threatening her relationship with her child, she may try to get back into your family business by getting involved. It is important to recognize the strategies he uses to take over your household.
Instead of reacting in disgust, talk to your partner about the problem and get their opinion on the best course of action. It may even be beneficial for your MIL to live away for a while, at least until you have your children.
Tell your mother-in-law that you would like to talk to her about the problem during an informal meeting over lunch or coffee. Start by making it clear that your goal is to understand her point of view rather than to express anger or irritation. Emphasize how important it is to understand the causes of her critical behavior, as they may exist
the underlying problem that makes her unhappy.
See the conversation as a joint effort in which you try to identify the underlying problem and work together to find a solution.
Conflicts can arise when there are different cultural views on some important topics.
If your in-laws have different opinions about these things than you do, always emphasize that these are very personal matters. Emphasize that you and your partner need the freedom to make decisions in these areas of life regardless of what your in-laws think.
Navigating relationships with in-laws, especially when cultural differences come into play, presents a unique set of challenges that require patience, empathy, and compromise. The women’s narrative underscores the complexities involved in balancing family expectations, personal boundaries, and marital dynamics. While seeking advice and support from online communities can offer validation and perspective, addressing underlying issues within the family unit is critical to long-term harmony.
Psychologists advocate open and respectful communication as a cornerstone for resolving conflicts with the father-in-law. This includes fostering empathy, actively listening to mutual concerns, and seeking to understand different cultural perspectives. By engaging in constructive dialogue, families can identify the underlying causes of tension and work together to find solutions that respect everyone’s needs and values.
Additionally, setting clear boundaries is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship with your in-laws. Individuals must assert their autonomy while recognizing the importance of family ties. Setting boundaries around issues such as household responsibilities, parenting decisions, and cultural practices can help alleviate misunderstandings and conflicts.
Ultimately, finding common ground and mutual respect is essential to maintaining positive relationships with in-laws. While cultural differences can present challenges, they also offer opportunities for growth, learning, and cultural exchange. By prioritizing empathy, communication, and understanding, individuals can cultivate harmonious relationships with their relatives while fostering a sense of unity and inclusiveness within the family unit.