It goes without saying that when we start our own family, we and our husbands will be the ones to set the rules.
However, there are times when family members of one partner may wish to impose their own rules and prevent the normal flow of activities. This is what occurred to our heroine today – a woman who is just starting her own family, but has already faced threats from her in-laws. However, he will not keep up with them.
The woman was not ready for a confrontation.
In a recent letter to our editor, the 27-year-old lady expressed her anger at the unhealthy circumstances her family is currently facing. She revealed that she believes all her expectations about her future with her fiance are falling apart.
The woman made it clear that what upsets her the most about the whole situation is that she didn’t choose to abide by these completely ridiculous restrictions; rather someone else dictated them to her.
“My fiance Eric (29) and I dated for nine years before he finally proposed,” the woman said. I was ecstatic because I truly loved him and longed for our family to exist. His proposal was a major turning point in my life and from then on I could only think about our wedding day and all the preparations.
The woman made it clear that she was eager to meet Eric’s entire family, her potential in-laws, and that it was clear and reasonable for her to do so after he proposed. “I met his family maybe once or twice and they were always very friendly,” the writer said. However, since they are all spread out in different areas of the globe, we haven’t seen them very often. In addition, scheduling meetings proved to be extremely difficult due to the hectic schedule and diverse time zones. So I can state that I did not have a very good opportunity to meet my future father-in-law.
A woman’s life changed completely after a single-family dinner.
The woman continues, “This major argument happened during our last visit a month ago.” My fiancé and I were invited to his parent’s house for a big family dinner. I was pretty curious about everything, so I asked Eric a lot of questions about his family’s customs, worldviews, and general quirks.
I was so happy at the thought of getting closer to my future husband’s closest friends and family. In addition, Eric and I were busy starting the wedding planning process and finding a house to rent and move into together.
We planned a trip to his home nation and showed up at his parent’s house on the scheduled day.
Everything went smoothly right away. The woman added: “During dinner, we discussed our plans with Eric’s parents and the rest of the family, and Eric and I both mentioned that this is a really big step for us in our relationship.” After his brothers and parents, Eric’s youngest sister-in-law, expressed their joy to us, they suddenly asked, “So, is he going to take the test?”
From the beginning, Eric’s family wanted his future wife to follow their customs and obey them.
The woman continues: “I asked for what test?
His mother immediately reacted and began to explain to me that their family has a custom that the future mother-in-law and future bride go to the hospital and set up the future daughter-in-law for a comprehensive examination.
Of course, Eric’s mother and aunts underwent the same examination before marriage and joining the family. This examination included, among other things, a visit to the gynecologist, an extensive blood test, and even a genetic examination.
When the woman learned that she would be tested, she was taken aback. In retrospect, Eric, her future husband, should not have passed this “test” before their union. Her future mother-in-law requested that she undergo this medical examination with her future mother-in-law by her side. They preferred the second option as MIL would be in charge of everything.
“I thought it was ridiculous,” the woman wrote.
Before Eric and I got engaged, we talked about everything, and health issues were on the list. To make sure we didn’t have any health issues that would prevent us from giving birth to a healthy person, we were going to do this when we were planning the baby. Now that his entire family was pressuring me to do it, I also had to consider the test results. This was too much for me, so I declined and explained why I didn’t want to feel obligated to do something right away.
This was a custom followed by all the women in the family, but not our heroine.
The woman clarified, “I found out that Eric’s mother and the wives of his three brothers went through the same process before marrying a man from this family.” I also knew that other relatives of theirs continued this strange custom. The reason was simple – they wanted to ensure that every woman in their family gave birth to healthy children – but I hated the idea of having no say in it. Furthermore, Eric’s mother made it clear that they would not approve of our marriage and that I would no longer be welcome in their family if I failed this test.
The woman said, “Now that I’ve said no, Eric’s mother is demanding that he end our engagement and break up with me.” He puts a lot of pressure on me to “be a smart woman and follow their traditions”.
“He insists that this is happening for our benefit as well,” the writer added. My potential husband also thinks that the fact that his parents are covering the cost of this test might be more appealing to me.
But the fact that someone has to pay for it makes me refuse to submit and do what I don’t feel like doing. I have nothing to hide from them; my medical history is clean and I have no chronic conditions or other problems that could make childbirth difficult. However, I wanted my husband to support me in my decision, especially since we had previously agreed on a medical examination, even if it was different from the one I was being asked to do now.
Because, as she says, “I don’t want to start a family with a person who can’t take my side,” the frantic lady now wants to end her engagement to her fiance. He was sure I had to do it no matter what and he didn’t even try to fight back. I find it unbearable that he is so dependent on his family’s rules in a relationship. That’s why I hung up the phone.
Here’s another family story from a woman who discovered a tampon in her husband’s car, starting a series of disturbing revelations about her partner.
In conclusion, this woman’s experience illustrates a vital lesson about the nature of relationships and the importance of mutual respect and support. Her story reveals how external pressures, especially from family traditions, can challenge the boundaries of a partnership. Despite her true love for Eric and her enthusiasm for their future together, she found herself faced with an ultimatum that conflicted with her personal beliefs and autonomy.
The situation she encountered with Eric’s family was more than a disagreement over tradition; it was a test of her ability to assert her values in the face of undue pressure. Her refusal to comply with the “test” and her fiancé’s inability to stand by her highlight a deeper issue of reconciliation in their relationship. Pressure from Eric’s family not only challenged her but also revealed a significant rift between her and her future husband.
In the end, her decision to end the engagement reflects a deep understanding of what she needs in a partnership. She realized that a relationship built on compromise and the ability to stand together against external forces was more important than submitting to traditions that did not reflect her values. This experience serves as a reminder that the foundation of a strong marriage is not just blending families or following customs, but also finding a partner who respects and supports your decisions.
As she moves forward, the woman’s story is a testament to the importance of standing firm on personal principles and finding a partner who will support and uphold those principles. Ultimately, the health of a relationship depends on mutual respect and a willingness to face challenges together rather than giving in to the demands of others.