When Kindness Is Tested: The Baby Shower That Weren’t
Something felt off the moment she messaged me the night before the baby shower. It wasn’t a last-minute question or a plea for help—it was stranger, heavier, a knot in my stomach. After weeks of planning,
prepping, and cooking enough food for a small wedding, my friend suddenly told me I was no longer welcome. Yet she still wanted the food. The timing, the tone, and the phrasing all made me wonder if this had been brewing long before the invitation.
Two weeks ago, I received a baby shower invitation from a friend I hadn’t seen in years. She had recently returned from living away and was hosting a local shower. Excited to reconnect, I jumped in to help. She created a group chat with mutual friends and outlined a “small, simple gathering” because she had just learned she was 35 weeks pregnant. Volunteers were assigned tasks.
I offered to cook Filipino dishes and chip in for decorations. The mom-to-be approved my plan to prepare food for roughly fifty guests, accounting for the ten of us in the group plus extra invitees. I spent hours shopping, prepping, and cooking—taking a day off work and arranging childcare with my mother-in-law so I could focus entirely on the food.
Then, the night before the shower, her message arrived: I was uninvited. But she still expected me to deliver all the dishes. I calmly explained that driving seventy-five minutes to cater an event I wasn’t allowed to attend didn’t make sense. My time, energy, and labor had been invested because I was both a guest and a helper. She became upset, accusing me of cruelty, while some friends sided with her.
From a neutral perspective, it’s clear: my friend’s last-minute decision crossed a boundary. My refusal wasn’t selfish—it was fair. No one should be expected to give labor, time, and resources when they are no longer welcome.
Conclusion
Events are stressful, emotions run high, and misunderstandings happen—but respect and fairness are non-negotiable. My choice not to deliver the food was a reasonable response to an unreasonable request. Standing firm preserved my dignity, boundaries, and the value of my time and effort. Sometimes, saying “no” is the kindest thing we can do—for ourselves and for those around us.