Have you ever been on a date and felt the tension rise when the subject of intimacy comes up?
Whether it’s the excitement of a first date or the slow burn of getting to know someone, the idea of ​​discussing your personal boundaries — especially when it comes to S*x — can be nerve-wracking.
But what if your borders are non-habitable and waiting for marriage? It’s a decision that can shape your dating life and future relationships, but how do you increase it without killing your mood or turning a potentially great connection into an awkward distance?
If you’re nervous about how to express this without sounding too intense or risking rejection, you’re not alone. Let’s dive into how you can confidently navigate this conversation and set the stage for a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding.
Talking about S*x can often feel awkward when you’re still getting to know someone, and discussing the decision to wait for marriage is even more awkward. It’s a conversation that can be difficult to navigate — especially early on in dating. However, if you plan to wait for S*xual marriage, it is necessary to tell potential partners, because physical intimacy and personal values ​​play an important role in compatibility. So how do you elevate this topic without making things too awkward? Experts say that it is entirely possible to handle this conversation with minimal inconvenience.
Let’s make one thing clear: there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until marriage to have S*x, just as there is nothing wrong with engaging in casual, safe S*x before marriage. The choice of when and how to have S*x is deeply personal and only you can define what S*x means to you and when is the right time.
Identifying why you decided to expect can help you clearly express your decision not only for your date but also strengthen your values ​​and increase your confidence in this moment. It’s important to thoughtfully share your reasons while avoiding any judgment about opinions about premarital S*x. Dr. Joshua Klapow, a clinical psychologist, recommends bringing up the subject before things get physical.
Telling your date after things are already heating up could feel like a spur-of-the-moment rejection and could evoke negative feelings like frustration or insecurity. However, this does not mean that sharing your decision will automatically lead to a harmful reaction at any time. A calm and clear conversation outside of a S*xual context can facilitate your date rationally and respectfully.
If it feels unnatural, you don’t have to call it your first date. Power matchmaker Jill Vandor suggests waiting until the second or third date, or whenever things become physically intimate.
For example, if your date invites you back to their place, you can express that you would like to continue spending time together while setting a clear expectation that you will not have S*x. Whenever you decide to share, both experts agree that it should be a personal conversation. This avoids potential miscommunications that could complicate the discussion.
Remember that while you can’t control how your date will react to your choices, their response can give you important insight into compatibility. They may not share your opinion about waiting for marriage, and that’s totally fine. Just as you have the right to make that decision, they have the right to leave if they are not happy with it. Just because you’ve had a great date doesn’t mean you’re a perfect match – after all, having different views on S*x could indicate that you’re just not compatible.
Dr. Klapow also recommends being clear about what you’re waiting for. The word “S*x” can mean different things to different people, from heavy petting to intercourse. It’s essential that you and your date understand exactly what you’re talking about, as ambiguity can lead to confusion and discomfort.
Although it might feel awkward to dive in, being specific helps set boundaries and allows your date to gauge how they feel about progress. It is also helpful to discuss what you would like to do, as physical intimacy is not limited to contact. Focusing on other connections can shift the conversation from potentially unpleasant to positive and constructive.
If the thought of this discussion makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t worry—you’re not alone. For many, talking about intimacy feels awkward. The good news is that the more you practice, the easier it gets. Dr. Klapow suggests writing and testing what you want to say, while Vandor recommends role-playing with a trusted friend. The more comfortable you become with words, the smoother the conversation will go.
Vandor also emphasizes that no matter why you decide to wait for marriage, it’s important to feel bad about your decision. Dr. Klapow advises that it’s helpful to give your date some time to process the information, reminding them that your choice is rooted in your faith, not a lack of attraction.
However, if your date reacts in a negative way – he reaches your limits, pushes you, or is shy about being shy – it’s time to reconsider the relationship.
Someone who truly cares about you will respect your decisions, even if they don’t agree with them. That’s the kind of person you want to be with.
In a world where inclusion and understanding are key, it’s important to make sure both parties feel heard, respected, and comfortable with each other’s decisions. In the end, the conversation may not always be easy, but it will give you the clarity and insight to decide if you are truly compatible.
In conclusion, discussing the decision to wait until marriage to have S*x can be a challenging but major conversation in a relationship. It’s important to communicate this option clearly and respectfull, and make sure you and your date understand the boundaries and values ​​of a second.
While navigating this topic can feel awkward at first, with preparation and practice it can become an engaging and positive discussion. Ultimately, you deserve a partner who respects your decisions and shares your values, and soon you’ll both have the clarity needed to assess compatibility. Remember, it’s not right or wrong – the point is to stay true to your personal beliefs and find someone who supports them.