Navigating the complexities of caring for an aging parent, especially when it comes to dementia, can be an emotionally and mentally demanding journey. It is a situation that requires careful consideration, understanding, and support from all parties involved. A Reddit post shared by a woman struggling with her husband’s desire to move his mother in with them sheds light on the challenges many face in similar situations.
Answers from other Reddit users offer insight into different experiences and perspectives on dementia care. From personal anecdotes to practical advice, these insights underscore the importance of seeking guidance and exploring all available options when making such important decisions.
Being there for our parents as they age, especially if they have health problems, can be a great and fulfilling responsibility.
However, the matter could be more complicated if it involved more people and different variables. Here’s a recent Reddit post from a woman telling her story and asking the community for help.
She wrote:
“My husband and I are in our early 20s and have been married for eight years. His late mother is now 68, was officially diagnosed with dementia two years ago, and has been showing symptoms for the past two years. My husband and I are pretty successful in their own right and my MIL doesn’t have much.
I am against my husband’s intention to have his mother move in with us. I never agreed to live with either of our parents.
I want children one day and I don’t want to work as a nanny. It sounds incredibly difficult to raise a child and live with someone suffering from dementia.
I love my husband but I am not blind to him.
He will be so taken with his mother if he moves in that I won’t even think about him. I realize I look mean and jealous when I say this, but I just can’t keep up with his mom. He will rightfully focus on her. Over the past year I’ve read forums and joined support groups on this topic and to be honest it doesn’t seem to work much.
A part of me just couldn’t see through my husband’s pleas to convince me that we were going to be different. I don’t feel like putting life on hold. He can easily live another 20 years because apart from dementia he is in good health. It would be a significant financial commitment for my husband to place her in NH, which he would never do and pay for privately.
I finally decided to divorce my husband. My husband is just inconsolable, but my friends understand. It makes sense that my own people would believe I was unreasonable because I promised to stay with him. My brother expressed his disappointment in me and asked if I would treat our parents the same way. Because you only have one life, I believe so. I’m conflicted right now. Even though I know my husband loves me, he also has feelings for his mother. I honestly adore him.
The emotions of my husband and my family led me to doubt and second-guess my desires.
Readers of her message tried to help her by offering personal advice and sharing their own stories of family members suffering from dementia.
Sunset is a scary thing and patients can be really hard to handle. Not a good place to raise children. especially young children. My grandmother was seriously ill with dementia. Even when their children were older, my aunts still had problems. They heard her yelling, and swearing at my aunt and other things.
My daughter already knows that I said, “If I get dementia, put me in a home before it gets too bad.” © Reddit / Prestigious_Dig_218
My dad had Alzheimer’s. There was no safe way for my mom to care for him in his last years. She would have to be awake and conscious all the time. Deciding to let him live out his final years in a nursing home was a very difficult choice for her, but it was the only practical way to ensure my father’s safety and my mother’s ability to sleep at night. © Reddit / ShaMaLaDingDongHa
My mother suffers from dementia. We had to decide whether to put her in a nursing home after trying to care for her for almost five years and only had a break when I went to work.
Caring for a person with dementia requires a significant emotional investment.
People with dementia often experience meltdowns and tantrums, and there is a limit to how much one person can take. © Reddit / k1k11983
I can assure you that you will be completely absorbed. I cared for my husband’s grandmother with dementia while raising our own children, foster parents, and working full time. Helping to care for our elderly family members should be a beautiful thing, but in reality, it rarely is. I wish you success, but if you keep taking care of your MIL, I don’t think it will turn out well. © Reddit / Interesting_Pizza529
For over a decade, a family friend cared for her MIL who had dementia. She would walk around the neighborhood at night and steal things, so all doors had to have locks on both sides. Even after eating, she kept crying that she was hungry and stuffed food into every nook and cranny of the house. Her wife was primarily responsible for taking care of her son, although he gave her a bath and other things. © Reddit / Ravynwave
 My mom moved grandma in with her and dad after she started showing signs of dementia.
To be honest, having to take care of her mother when she didn’t even know who was who broke my mom. Although she had known my father for three decades, she assumed he was just another patient.
She ended up in a nursing facility where she received proper attention and regular contact with other people.
Based on your experience, try to convince your husband to check into nursing facilities, especially those that deal with dementia and Alzheimer’s. © Reddit/NerJaro
Dementia is a prominent cause of impairment and dependency among the elderly population worldwide.
According to a study, seniors who regularly socialize with friends are less likely to develop the condition.
A heartbreaking story shared by a woman on Reddit sheds light on the complexities and challenges of caring for a loved one with dementia. It highlights the difficult decisions that individuals may face as they balance their own needs and desires with those of their family members. Answers from other Reddit users offer valuable insights and personal experiences, highlighting the emotional toll and practical difficulties of caring for someone with dementia.
The conclusion drawn from these shared experiences is clear: while caregiving can be a noble and deeply meaningful endeavor, it also requires careful consideration and support. Every situation is unique and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It is imperative that individuals facing similar situations seek guidance, support, and resources to make informed decisions that prioritize their own well-being and that of their loved ones. Dementia presents significant challenges, but with empathy, understanding, and access to appropriate care, families can navigate this difficult journey with compassion and resilience.