At the point when you originally become a parent, requiring a little assistance is normal. Frequently, this is the point at which you are in your 20s or 30s and you’re attempting to construct your vocation and keep up with the norm, so having a kid can make it challenging to be balanced.
One of the manners in which that we frequently get help is through our folks, who are the grandparents of the new child.
They will contribute to help and here and there, they might try and be a normal piece of their lives as a sitter.
This is the kind of thing that many individuals depend on yet it is additionally something not held a similar in each family. That incorporates this family, and when the mother by marriage said she needed to be paid for watching grandkid, things got revolting.
I’m in a difficult situation at this moment. My better half and I have been joyfully hitched for a long time. We have an exquisite half year old child, and we both work all day. My significant other telecommutes, and I work at the workplace.
As of late, my mother by marriage resigned, and she proposed to deal with our child while we work. We acknowledged her deal and it’s been turning out great. She’s perfect with children, and I truly value what she does. She cares for the child as well as assists with cooking, cleaning, and doing the dishes.
Recently, my mother by marriage and I had a discussion that left me in shock. She really requested that we pay her for the time she enjoys with our valuable Katie. I can’t completely accept that she would invest a cost on burning through effort with her own grandkid. At the point when I was a child, my grandmother used to keep an eye on and my sister while never anticipating installment, cash, or gifts. She did it because of unadulterated love for us. I likewise used to keep an eye on kin free of charge for a really long time when I was more youthful.
I’m speechless. I’m feeling truly baffled, and this present circumstance is causing pressure in my marriage. My significant other accepts that she ought to be remunerated in light of the fact that, without her assistance, we need to employ a complete outsider to deal with our kid, and that could turn out to be more costly. I’m out of choices. I have thoroughly considered all that and I’m lost. My head is simply AAAH.
Is this a joke?
Stirring the pot to cause negative discussion?
It’s really sad that any family member would be expected to care for & work for another family member for FREE!
Pay her as it would probably be more cost effective than someone else. And you know bubs will be well cared for.
Pay her. Cost of living is much higher today than years past. Its not really her job to provide childcare. Its the parents. It would be cheaper to pay her than hire someone. Many grandparents are paid because of high cost of living so its not that uncommon.
You said that she quit her job in order to assume the responsibility for the childcare. Perhaps it is no more complicated than that she needs the income!
Very expensive to live these days, you know. If you want to work, as modern parents do, you should expect the cost associated with that choice!!
Pay her. Day care is costly and she should be paid something. She is tied doing this all day and can’t do errands, doctor appointments, etc and your kid has a bonus in that his caretaker is grandma. She needs something to feel valued. You will see when you go looking around for someone to watch her.
It cost alot to take care of kids. Food costs etc. Be grateful she willing to watch her.
you should not feel so entitled… The moment you expect it from her, the moment you should consider compensation.
We looked after our great grandson right upto he went school we never want to be paid having him around was payment enough
Of course she should be paid. That should have been something you offered. It is an everyday thing she is doing not just watching the child while you go to a movie. You are very blessed to have family willing to do this and I am sure if would be alot less than a daycare
Pehaps your MIL needs the money. Is she single? Does she only have social security, if at all? Both you and your husband are working full time jobs. Your MIL is taking care of your child, cooking and cleaning, so it’s a full time job for her too. You said she does a fantastic job. And you admit finding someone else is a crap shoot and could even be dangerous for your child. So, pay the lady. She deserves it.
i really hope this story is made up…
so you decided to have a kid, and expect someone, no matter if related or not, to care for your child out of the kindness of their heart for FREE… talk about entitlement n delusional… grow up n pay for your child care without complaining, nothing in life, absolutely nothing is free…
well no one took car of our kids without paying them. yes we love our grandkids but watching them f0r you to work i sould get paid something since all day i care for your children..
m girlfriend minds her grandchildren, now does the school run , takes them to swim etc get meals fold washing etc , her family regularly pay her for to go see her sister in Queensland , have her stay for dinner , takes her on week ends away , put petrol in the car , take her out for lunch . she started caring when the youngest was a baby she is now 14 yr . she is not being paid cash but they are showing they appreciate her
Why are you so stingy. She is not only a care giver but a housekeeper. I paid my mom and happy to do it she took great care of my child. Cheap don’t you think?
My first response was aligned with the author, but then imagined the the grandmother may not have the means not to have to work….so understand her position too. Perhaps she could have started with her own dilemma, being conflicted with needing to pay her bills, but preferring to look after her grandchild, but may not have felt comfortable talking about her finances
She is giving up a lot of her life and time looking after your child. You dont say whether you pay her for the childs meals or outings and maybe things are tough financially for her and she doesn’t like to say. A further converation needs to be had I think as she may be feeling she’s being taken advantage of and she is certainly the best person to care for your child apart from yourself
I have left my job to watch my grandchild. While the reward is in the bond I have with him, maybe you need to consider once we leave our jobs we still have bills to pay. My lost income is way greater than social security and I now buy groceries and diapers to take care of my grandson. I would not change my decision for anything, but some cash could help me along.
She loved doing it as a grandparent in the beginning. But then it became a job. So I think she is deserving of some payment;
This is a perfect example of the entitlement generation we have today… The nerve of this woman expecting her MIL to look after her child for free every day for her to work… What if the MIL would rather be employed but has chosen to look after the child because it just isn’t safe to leave a child with strangers. And even if the MIL is retired and would not be working outside of the home, retirement is supposed to be a time for older people who have raised their families to have free time to do what they want to do… not to be tied down to a child all day, every day… Caring for a child is hard work and when you’re old it’s even harder… I am sure she would not charge to look after her grandchild occasionally for you to go out or to an appointment but to expect her to give up her retirement years and work for you for free is just too much to expect. Be thankful she is willing at all to do your job for you….. the least you can do is pay her.
It’s her time, her money to feed your child, with the cost of living today, this money might be badly needed. Find out what it would cost somewhere else. Don’t be such a AH that you think your better than she is. Consider yourself lucky to have someone who cares for your child, and respect her.
I’m sorry for your disappointment but when describing your grandmother you neglected to mention if she cleaned and cooked for the household like your mother-in-law does. Times change and financial burdens on the elderly can be more impactful in these times then the past. In addition, what is her financial situation and yours, there is a lot more to base this decision on then she is just watching the kids. I can see where one might eliminate other domestic duties when you first get home (like your mother-in-law does), and so you pay your mother-in-law, so both qualities of life are enriched.
Perhaps she needs the income, and doesn’t look for something else because she loves sitting with the child. I think that parents take advantage of the willingness of their own parents to sit, for free, providing meals and other necessities as they do so. Some kind of compensation is deserved and fair!
If she is putting aside regular employment to help you, she must be compensated, as her income is most likely affected. This has zero to do with loving the kids, and truly wanting to help. Perhaps she has medical bills that her current income cannot meet. Instead of being affronted, just have a conversation about her truths. You must also understand that her waking hours are not her own. You have absorbed her daytime hours. You must give her the freedom of living her own life, going to a movie, visiting with friends, taking up a hobby, etc. Shemost likely would enjoy watching the grands in an emergency, or to allow you to get out for an evening date. You are acting selfish and demanding to expect her to give up her days so you can earn a second income, without any compensation. She may just be at the end of serving your unreasonable expectations.
The mother in law has already raised her family. Now it’s also her job to raise yours? For nothing?
This is a different time in your mother-in-laws life if she has resigned and come home. It would be meaningful if you understood where she is coming from. It’s such a different time in life and sometimes mature women ( although they dearly love their grandchild) may need time for themselves or some compensation. She is the best caretaker most likely next to parents. I hope you can fully understand what an incredible amount of sacrifice and love goes into her caring for your daughter.
Duuhhhh!!!! Why won’t you pay her for her time? Horrible of you to be so greedy! Shame on you.
Honestly I would rather pay my family to watch my baby then a stranger. Back in the 70’s when I was 16 I paid my mom $50 a week to watch my son while I worked part/time. Plus offered her extra money to make by ironing my clothes $1.00 per item. Pay her you know your child is safe with Grandma!!
Stay home and care for your own children, if you can’t appreciate and reimburse the best care you can get from a grandmother
who loves and cares plus al the extra she does. Don’t be cheap!!!!
If it is on a regular basis, she should get paid, parents shouldn’t feel that it is okay to take advantage of their parents as a free baby sitting service, our neighbors get taken advantage of all the time and it is not fair.
If you didn’t need two incomes you could stay home and take care of the house and your children yourself. But I know, being a stay at home mom just isn’t glorifying as a career. It is a blessing.
Your mother-in-law shouldn’t have to ask for payment. You should offer to pay her for all that she does, not once, but often. Expecting family to change their lives to accommodate yours without any costs to you is, in my opinion, selfish.
She’s putting a lot of time, effort, and probably money (driving expenses, picking up odd, and end, etc.). She is also giving up a lot of her time, and she should be paid. Hiring someone else would be more expensive an option.
She worked her whole life, and now is retired, and wants to help you secure a trustworthy babysitter. She is the secure babysitter who loves your kids, but to expect her to do it for free is really wrong. People like to feel valued. I bet if you handed her some money for her troubles once in a while, she never would have had to ask. You are the AH because you totally expect her to do so for free, You act as if you are entitled to free babysitting service simply for having a retired MIL. I must ask you, what have you done to show her your appreciation?
Pay her! While I’m sure she enjoys being with her grandchild, she is giving up all her other pleasures to take care of the baby full-time. You should pay her whatever she asks – up to the cost of daycare although you should keep in mind that daycare will not do your dishes, laundry, etc.!!
You stated that she assists with cooking, cleaning and doing dishes as well as looking after her grandchild. Seems like she should be paid for being your maid at least!
I don’t see what the problem is. I would have no issue with paying my mother in law if she had offered to do this over taking my child to a daycare and probably paying a TON more for way less care. She may be having a hard time making ends meet with the current economy on her social security alone if that is all she has. I doubt she is asking a lot. At least find out how much and why.
Be grateful for her contribution and definitely pay her!!
I always paid my MIL as no one could take care of my child with more love. You write as if your child is so exceptional that anyone should watch her for free. Probably no more exceptional than any other child. Your MIL worked and retired and deserves payment and time to enjoy her retirement. Maybe in your childhood no one could afford to pay relatives. Your lucky to have her.
Of course she should be paid…it is one thing for her to occasionally watch your children for a night out but if this is a regular daily obligation then she is deserving of being paid. You would pay someone else to babysit if she wasn’t
available so why would you not pay her?
You’re mum in law also has a life and although she loves her grandchild, she still has bills to pay.
If nanna is buying your child treats from her own pocket or clean up after you child.. she is virtually doing the job of a housekeeper, with one important difference…..she actually loves your child❤❤❤
So don’t be a tighta$$…..pay her the money
Your story reminded me of when my first mother-in-law said she would babysit free if her oldest would PLEASE give her a grandchild. Unfortunately, when her daughter conceded and had the requested child (a few years earlier than she was originally planning, but the offer of free daycare was an offer she could not pass up), her mother got all huffy and refused to quit her job at the local grocery store to babysit as she had originally claimed. I think she couldn’t imagine leaving a paying job with lots of adult social interactions to stay home again (she had raised four children of her own).
Your situation is difficult, but I would say, you could tell your husband HE should pay his mother for the daycare if he chooses, otherwise you will look around for a REAL daycare provider, as you are probably going to end up resenting your MIL from here on in because you have to pay her to “babysit” her own grandchild.
But bear in mind, there are obvious advantages to keeping the MIL as the babysitter – you KNOW your child is a priority with the grandmother. In a regular daycare center, your kid is one of many children with a lot of different needs, and there will also be many more germs, viruses, bad behavior, and such that your child will NOT be exposed to with a grandmother as the daycare provider, safe at home, in a familiar environment.
But you do need to remember that the resentment WILL be there if you personally have to pay for your MIL to do the babysitting, if you do not think the good will outweigh the bad.
However, given the current “COVID pandemic of vast proportion” and increased chance of your child contracting that, in addition to other viruses, in a daycare center, I would probably recommend the MIL, honestly. Try to put the resentment aside, if possible, or have your husband pay for his mom’s services.
Good luck with your decision!
We rarely relied on someone to look after our children as we considered it was our responsibility. We arranged to work different shifts so one of us was always available. On the rare occasions we need my mother or MIL to babysit we were happy to pay them. We did not give money as such but bought something they wanted or washed their walls, mowed their lawn or paid for a vacation, etc. We were all happy. Don’t be so mean, you get paid for your time why shouldn’t they? An occasional babysitting is ok but if it is regular it is like a job for them as they are tied down to it.
I retired so I could watch our grandchildren. Sure, I could have kept working but, with the horror stories and cost of day care, it was a no brainer. Yes, my daughter and son pay me but, it’s very minimal. I have developed a great bond with the grandchildren over the years and enjoy it. (Did I mention that I’m retired law enforcement and happily married for over 30 plus years.)
What if your mother or mother-in-law still needs to work to pay bills and save money for retirement. If you pay her then she has a job and doesn’t have to worry about her future and can really put in the time and effort and love with her grandchild. If you don’t pay her you will be paying someone else, and that person will never feel the love or dedication that a grandmother would. So you definitely get your moneys worth plus because you can never pay to have somebody love your child. And your mother or mother-in-law doesn’t have to worry about not having an income or trying to work a second job in order to have enough money. I’m sure if the grandmother didn’t need the money, had no need of it, then she’d be happy to do it. If it were every once in a while or a couple hours a week that would be different but if it’s a real job that you’d have to hire another person for, pay her a going rate.
I paid my children’s grandparent for taking care of my children while my husband and I worked. I also provided food for her to use for the meals they would have at her house. Her love for my children was boundless, but, knowing all the work it takes to take care of children, I feel it is only fair to make sure she was compensated. She may not have needed the money, but we insisted she take it. There is no one better than a loving grandparent to take care of children, but their worth must also be recognized.
Pay her what she deserves, her time is as important as yours. She could be working for someone else and get paid for her time. Grandparents have already spent their youthful years raising their children and want to relax and enjoy their golden years, and not to be obligated to sacrifice their remaining precious years changing diapers and cleaning up vomit for free.
Pay her
I’m a grandmother of 3. I keep my grands free of charge. Although from my point of view it has become quite a job as well. I’m not as active as I once was. It’s work. Hard work. I do it out of love not just for my grandchildren but my own children. It’s also very expensive to do so. Just sayin’. If you don’t like her conditions there is always daycare. Trust me, she will indeed enjoy her free time. She will still see grandbaby and her baby.
We live in a different world. If she is only recently retired, then she may feel that her time still has some monetary value.
Especially when the “childcare” includes doing dishes and housework.
Maybe she even feels under valued by you and your husband ( who after all is her direct relative, right?) So I think you should be happy to pay her something for her time and efforts. Hopefully she and your husband haven’t settled negotiations yet and you are able to discuss it with him first. Then offer her an amount that is truly fair while still giving yourselves a break. Like offer her half of what it would cost if you had to pay a stranger to do it!