The woman’s daughter-in-law asked the grandmother if she would babysit her children when she finally got a job after being a stay-at-home parent for a while, but the grandmother refused.
One grandmother asked on Reddit if it was inappropriate for her to reject her grandchildren for a week while her daughter-in-law, who had been a stay-at-home mother for four years, went back to work.
The grandmother revealed that her daughter-in-law spent some time at home raising her two and four-year-old children, but after searching for a suitable position, she finally secured one in her field.
However, a problem arose when she was only able to enroll her children in daycare a week after her job was due to start. She asked her grandmother if she would take care of the children. But the grandmother refused.
How come Grandma refused?
The grandmother revealed that she would babysit the children for about nine hours a day if her son and daughter-in-law had jobs that required commuting. But that wasn’t the problem.
The grandmother claimed that although she would like to take care of her next son’s children if she were to take care of her own children, she would have to follow her daughter-in-law’s excessive regulations.
Her daughter-in-law never gave the children any food as they are staunch vegetarians and follow a strict diet. In addition to being picky about the language her children were exposed to, the grandmother’s daughter-in-law insisted that her mother-in-law not watch television when the children were around.
The child’s mother also requested that her four-year-old fill out the enrichment sheets, counting on the child’s grandmother to help with this. Grandma believed that the strict routine of children was too much for them.
The grandmother added that her daughter-in-law did not want her mother-in-law’s friends around her children, because she did not think well of them. Considering that she visited her friends almost every day and would not be able to see them if her grandchildren were there, she thought this was the most absurd thing. Grandma lamented:
“I told my son that it was too much to ask of anyone and that he needed to find a professional.
But her son begged her to give him his hand. Grandma didn’t care, but her daughter-in-law called in tears, explaining that she didn’t have childcare and didn’t want to miss out on a job opportunity.
What followed?
A grandmother took to Reddit to find out if her daughter-in-law was terrible for expecting her to babysit, or if she was right to refuse to babysit her grandchildren after her daughter-in-law called her. She got conflicting answers.
Since it was only a week and she wanted to assist her son and daughter-in-law, some people told her that she was being unfair because the title gave the impression that she would be taking care of her grandchildren permanently.
Someone else commented that raising a grandchild shouldn’t be considered “work” and that this person was lucky that their grandmother never saw grandchildren as a burden and was always happy to help their parents with childcare. A grandmother’s worry about seeing her friends rather than her grandchildren horrified one commenter.
Some others thought otherwise. One person expressed the opinion that grandparents should never be given free childcare, while another questioned why a week spent by children with grandparents could not be classed as a ‘holiday’.
The commenter elaborated:
“Take five whole days off from writing worksheets.” That means of course the child won’t get into the mother’s first-choice Ivy League school because of the [five] days of no school when the child was [four], but it’s all about balance.”
Comment
by from discussion
inAmItheAsshole
Comment
by from discussion
inAmItheAsshole
Some people felt that the grandmother’s daughter-in-law should not have been expected to follow the regulations for a single day, much less a whole week, because there were too many of them.
Although her daughter-in-law begged her to watch the grandchildren, this mother refused, and later that evening the woman who was taking care of her grandchildren was thrown out of the house. Her full narrative is available here.
Comment
by from discussion
inAmItheAsshole
Comment
by from discussion
inAmItheAsshole
A grandmother’s dilemma, as shared on Reddit, highlights a common but sensitive issue in family dynamics: the expectations surrounding the care of a grandparent’s children. Her daughter-in-law’s request for weekly full-time childcare came at a time of transition when she returned to work as a stay-at-home mom after several years. Despite her son’s plea and her daughter-in-law’s tearful appeal, the grandmother felt uncomfortable with the extensive conditions listed above, including dietary restrictions, educational expectations, and restrictions on personal activities such as television viewing.
Comment
by from discussion
inAmItheAsshole
Comment
by from discussion
inAmItheAsshole
Grandma’s refusal did not stem from a lack of willingness to help, but from a fear that the expectations placed on her were too strict for what she felt comfortable with. Her reluctance was compounded by the pressure on her social life and personal freedom, which she highly valued and found challenging to sacrifice throughout the week. This conflict highlights the delicate balance between family support and personal boundaries, especially when childcare expectations collide with individual lifestyles and preferences.
The responses from Reddit users varied widely and reflected different perspectives on the role of grandparents in childcare. Some sympathized with the grandmother’s position, arguing that it might be unreasonable to expect grandparents to strictly follow parenting rules for an extended period of time. Others criticized her decision, believing that grandparents should be willing to help without hesitation, seeing it as a gesture of love and support for their children and grandchildren.
Ultimately, the situation raises broader questions about family responsibilities and generational role boundaries. While many grandparents are happy to take the opportunity to care for their grandchildren, the conditions under which they do so can vary greatly depending on personal preferences, lifestyles, and mutual understanding within the family unit. The grandmother’s story serves as a reminder of the complexity of navigating these expectations and the importance of open communication and mutual respect in family relationships.