My Daughter Prohibits Me from Attending Her Graduation Because of Her Father’s Demand

Since her father left them for his new family, a woman and her daughter had grown very close.

However, a week before graduation, the daughter approached her mother saying that she wanted to invite her father, who is no longer with her.

But there was one requirement before her father could go into office.

The unnamed narrator began writing on the “AITA” subreddit on June 1, 2022. Despite her parents having divorced before she was born, the 40-year-old woman had an eighteen-year-old daughter named B who grew up relatively close to her. dad.

But when she was eight, their relationship soured when her father got married. He then grew distant and eventually left her for his new family. B was greatly affected by this abandonment, resulting in rebellious behavior. B attended therapy and seemed to be coping well despite her difficulties.

What upset the woman?

B had not seen her father since she was twelve, and the few times he had spoken to her in a year had been empty declarations of a possible reconciliation. Despite this, B and her mother had a close relationship and often dealt with everything together. B and her mother were so close that B called her mother her “best friend”.

Graduation was coming up and the woman was looking forward to it. But a week before B’s graduation party, she told her mother that she planned to invite her father and his son to the event. Her father made it clear that if she attended, the woman would not be allowed to attend the event.

The woman expressed her anger towards B, saying that she felt hurt and cheated and that she had been unforgivably betrayed. In response B, she stated that she wished her father had participated in her significant life events, as her mother had participated in many. Their argument became very heated as a result of this disagreement.

The woman begged her daughter to change her mind the night before graduation because she was desperate. B, however, was uncompromising and adamantly stated, “I’m sorry, but I’m not changing my mind.” Devastated, the woman turned to leave, her heart heavy with grief. She sobbed until her sister came to her rescue and suggested they go out during graduation to take her mind off things. The woman accepted her sister’s proposal.

What happened on graduation day?

When the woman woke up the next morning — graduation day — her daughter was sobbing. She looked at the time and saw that the ceremony would start in a few minutes. B asked, confused as to why she hadn’t left yet.

B revealed that her father had left her once more and no longer responded in a despondent tone. The mother gave her daughter a big hug and encouraged her to make the most of her graduation despite the circumstances.

B worried that she would look awkward as the only one without her parents, so she asked if her mother would come now that her father wasn’t. The woman apologized again, said she was sorry, and said she had other plans. B screamed at her mother, calling her a bad mother in anguish.

The woman was so determined to teach her daughter that decisions have consequences that even though it broke her, she refused to go to the ceremony despite the chaos. Ever since B got back from graduation, she hadn’t said anything, she looked incredibly down and like she’d been crying for a long time.

Now the woman struggled with regret and wondered if she had made the right decision. Although her sister agreed with her choice, she felt guilty about it after hearing another parent at school mention B’s apparent sadness at graduation. Tormented by her feelings, the woman sought advice, wondering if she had made a mistake in trying to teach her daughter a lesson.

Another discouraging discussion

The woman provided an update on the situation a day after she posted her first post. She revealed that for the past ten years, her daughter B has regularly chosen her father over her. There were no signs of manipulation when she reported to Therapist B; rather, B clung to a romanticized image of her relationship with her father.

During a conversation with her daughter, the mother expressed her regret at missing graduation and expressed how she felt left out and unappreciated. B expressed her love, apologized, and asked for things to go back to normal.

B claimed that it was for the best and that, when asked if she regretted not inviting her mother, she preferred her father to be present. The woman was so hurt that she confronted B about her lack of regard for her emotions. Even though her father may not have shown up, B was steadfast in her determination to always put her father first.

Filled with resentment and anger, the woman knew when to say no and realized that if B continued her behavior, she might not be able to forgive her. The woman expressed her frustration at not being treated with the same importance as her daughter’s father despite possible backlash.

She reaffirmed her promise to continue to support B but was unsure whether she would be willing to continue this pattern for important life events such as future weddings or graduations. She felt bad for not taking the advice of the internet community, most of whom called her “NTA”.

Repercussions

In October 2022, the woman gave the last update. She recalled how she dealt with it and admitted that her asking her daughter if she regretted not inviting her was immature. She explained that even though people referred to her daughter as her “best friend,” she continued to exercise parental authority and enforce the rules.

The woman tried to contact her daughter’s father (F’s father) after the graduation incident and got a letter back. F said their daughter was threatening him and his family and acting aggressively, prompting him to pull away.

Although he claimed he was trying to build a positive relationship with B, he accused her of stalking and threatening his family. After the woman confronted B about these allegations, B accused her mother of causing her father’s relationship to break up. B cut off communication and refused to return after leaving for college.

Despite the pain, the woman expressed relief because the experience damaged her self-esteem. She started therapy, felt a little better, and even went on a guilt-free date for the first time in ten years. She was aware of B’s ​​shortcomings in their relationship and the difficult circumstances they both had to deal with.

Reader Notes

How do you like this narrative? Do you think the mother should have attended her daughter’s graduation ceremony and shown her forgiveness?

The conclusion of this story is a poignant realization of the complex dynamics within a fractured family. It is a story of love, heartbreak, and trying to penetrate deep-seated emotions. Despite the contradictions and emotional turmoil, there is a deep love between a mother and her daughter.

The story reflects the challenges both mother and daughter face as they grapple with unresolved emotions stemming from abandonment and unfulfilled expectations. It’s a journey marked by hurt, misunderstanding, and the struggle to find a balance between emotional desires and the harsh realities of life.

The mother’s decision not to attend her daughter’s graduation was an attempt to teach a lesson, to show that actions have consequences even in the most painful situations. It was a stance taken not out of spite, but with the hope of teaching her daughter about responsibility and the weight of decisions made.

However, as the story unfolds, it becomes clear that healing is a process that takes time and patience. A daughter’s deep desire for a relationship with her father, despite his absence and shortcomings, reflects a deep need for closure and acceptance.

Ultimately, the story is a testament to the complexity of family relationships. It’s a reminder that healing often involves forgiveness, understanding, and a willingness to accept imperfections. The road ahead for this mother-daughter relationship may be full of challenges, but it also holds the promise of growth, understanding, and the possibility of reconciliation.