Life has been too busy lately. Four months ago I had a beautiful baby named Dylan.
His three siblings, all under the age of eight, welcomed him. As you can imagine, raising a baby and three other young children is very stressful, but also very gratifying.
Being a mother was the most important event in my life. George and I debated whether or not to go back to work when our first child, Tray, was on the way. We originally agreed that I would take a year off before returning to my career. However, I realized that I wanted to be a full-time mother when the time came.
As each new family member was added, our deep sense of duty to our children only grew. Dylan, Justin, Tray, and our daughter Lily were the last to arrive. With each additional addition, my determination to dedicate myself to raising children grew.
After Dylan was born, however, things began to move at home. Suddenly my mother-in-law started coming to our house. She didn’t come to help with the kids or housework.
After greeting me, she disappeared into the kitchen, helping herself to whatever she could find, leaving a trail of dirty dishes behind her. This happened over and over and each time it tested my patience.
Things got out of hand one morning after Dylan had just been vaccinated. I barely slept and he was clingy.
When we got home, all I wanted was a hot cup of comforting coffee. When I finally made it to the kitchen, Dylan’s crib opened and I heard the usual greeting, “Hello dear!” I stopped by to check on everyone.”
I nodded and smiled, trying not to show my annoyance as I asked if her boys wanted to watch it too.
She was out of sight and I turned back to my mother-in-law who sensed the tension and left immediately.
When George got home I told him about the ongoing problems and asked him to talk to his mother. He told her she crossed the line but didn’t discuss it with her. That weekend, the underlying tension reached a breaking point.
I finally mustered up the willpower to bake a handmade pizza with the kids the night before, exhausted from the endless demands of motherhood and no sleep the night before.
They had fun with this activity and couldn’t wait to have dinner and consume their creations. As dinner approached, I put Dylan to bed and hoped for a peaceful end to the day.
I returned to the kitchen and was stunned to see that the pizzas were gone. George and his mother were lounging in the living room, appreciating the remaining slices.
I was so furious that I went to them and shouted at them to stop eating the children’s food. Their surprised looks only added to my frustration. George tried to comfort me but it was too late and I was too upset to hear him.
walked to our bedroom, closed the door, and began to cry. Was this something only I was trying to do? Why couldn’t they see how much I was having difficulty? Lily knocked softly on the door, luring me from my despair. She said, “Mommy, where is our pizza?” with naive wonder.
That’s when my resolve truly took hold. For my children’s sake and mine, I had to speak up. I consoled Lily and then faced George and my mother-in-law again. They attempted to justify their actions by pointing to their seeming concern for my weight. That was the last straw.
I said gently and firmly, “Leave, you two.” After they went, George spent the night at his mother’s house. When they left, I felt a great sense of relief.
I placed our pizza order with the kids, and as we were eating, I made my decision. The next morning, I asked my sister to watch the kids while I filed for divorce. I had hidden the divorce papers in an empty pizza box on the coffee table, where George discovered them.
As soon as I notified my parents about the issue, they provided me with unshakable support. Being with them made it possible for me to focus on my recovery and my future objectives. I felt ready to face any obstacle as I rapidly regained my strength.
Now that I’ve spoken up for my children and my interests, I’m proud of myself. I have imparted to children the significance of honoring oneself, the need to make difficult decisions in order to improve one’s future, and what strength looks like.
If I hadn’t come to this revelation, my children would have grown up believing that it was okay to go without support, genuine compassion, or attention from someone who claimed to love them. They know now how important they are, and I’ll make sure they never forget it.
Unlike Lanie and me, my he went to our bedroom, closed the door, and started crying. Was it something I was trying to do? Why couldn’t they see how much trouble I was in? Lily knocked softly on the door, waking me from my despair. She said, “Mom, where do we have pizza?” with naive wonder.
That’s when my determination really kicked in. For my sake and for my children’s sake, I had to speak up. I comforted Lily and then confronted George and my mother-in-law again. They tried to justify their actions by pointing to their obvious concern for my weight. That was the last straw.
I said quietly and firmly, “Leave, you two.” After they left, George spent the night at his mother’s house. I was very relieved when they left.
I ordered pizza with the kids and while we were eating I made up my mind. The next morning I asked my sister to watch the kids while I filed for divorce. I hid the divorce papers in an empty pizza box on the coffee table where George discovered them.
Once I informed my parents about the problem, they gave me unwavering support. Being with them allowed me to focus on my recovery and future goals. I felt ready to face any obstacle as I quickly gained strength.
Now that I have spoken up for my children and my interests, I am proud of myself. I taught the kids the importance of self-respect, the need to make difficult decisions to improve their future, and what strength looks like.
Had I not come to this revelation, my children would have grown up believing it was okay to walk away without support, genuine compassion, or attention from someone who claimed to love them. Now they know how important they are and I will make sure they never forget that. my husband, after taking care of our newborn, did not insist on leaving the dishes unwashed without offering me something to eat.
Five weeks after Lanie gave birth to her first child, her mother-in-law turned her whole world upside down. Things quickly fell apart when MIL moved full-time and wasn’t around to help Lanie and her husband adjust to their new roles.
I never thought how much this trip taught me about strength and self-esteem. The most important role in my life has been and continues to be becoming a mother. But this responsibility also means that I have to set limits and look out for myself and my children. My mother-in-law’s problems and the eventual collapse of my marriage were really challenging, but they also served as a stark reminder that sometimes the hardest thing – and yet the most important thing – is to stand up for yourself.
I learned from these experiences that it is essential to put the well-being of my children and my own self-esteem first. Not only did I regain control of my life, but I also taught my children the value of self-worth by making the difficult decision to dissolve my marriage. They now realize that it is acceptable to seek both love and respect in their relationships and that they go hand in hand. Despite the hardships I’ve experienced, I’m happy with the choices I’ve made because they’ve made my life and my children’s lives healthier and happier. In the end, the struggle gave me strength, and this strength will help us move forward into a better future.