For a long time, my husband refused to share housework and bills equally.
But I managed to make him feel bad for being so self-centered.
Our income differences came to the fore when my husband Peter, 40, and Shannon, 35, and I argued about who should pay the takeout bill. Since I make more money than Peter, he has less to worry about our financial situation.
He emphasized that my job as a wife was to prepare the meals. We split groceries and rent, but he felt I should pay for food because I can’t always do that.
Unlike Peter, who ends his work day at 4:00 p.m., I have just received a promotion that has increased my responsibilities as a department head, including working late evenings.
When I get home at 5:30 p.m. after a long day at work, Peter is already curled up with a movie or a game. She sometimes does chores like washing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom once a month, but not without grumbling.
A few months ago, Peter boldly declared in front of friends that he was “investing all his money into my [expletive]”. He drank a little.
I needed this as a wake-up call. I started keeping a close eye on all our expenses. I downloaded receipts for everything I paid for, including groceries, phone bills, rent, Uber, vacations, and plane tickets.
Peter countered that it was my decision, but neglected to mention the fishing trip he’d been dying to go on that I’d paid for without asking for anything in return.
Peter remained steadfast in his position even after these revelations. He said that since he didn’t get paid for most of the month, he could only contribute $200 to our monthly expenses last month while on vacation.
Knowing that he didn’t get paid for most of that month, I didn’t give him any grief or complain. But even after he returned to work, Peter did not give me anything more than what he is now obliged to pay.
After returning to work, he continued to refuse help beyond paying the rent and bills, saying I should take care of the food as the woman of the house.
Tired, I suggested that he could occasionally prepare meals or at least reheat prepared meals. In response, he asked why he should get married if he would still have to prepare food.
Last week I dragged myself out the door after work. I worked until 7 p.m. after waking up at 5 a.m. I hardly ever go into the kitchen and he’s like, “Hey, dude. I picked up some food. You owe me $200. Put it in my wallet, please.”
“Excuse me,” I said. Don’t we eat both? At the very least, shouldn’t we split it up? Peter responded even more venomously, declaring, “No. You’re the wife.”
You work as a cook. You have to pay for the food I get if you don’t cook.”
I almost fell to the ground. However, I bit my tongue because I felt the need to discipline him. I planned my revenge when my husband asked me to go on a quick vacation with him the next day to relax.
It was a pivotal moment for me.
His plan backfired disastrously when I said, “Honey, you’re the ‘man of the house’ so it’s YOUR CONCERT to fund our vacation 100%,” assuming I pay as usual. So if you don’t pay, you stay where you are.”
That really got him. He admitted the imbalance in our connection and accepted his flaws. Peter adjusted his views on our work and agreed to start cooking for the week. This adjustment marked a great advance in the appreciation and understanding of the work and sacrifices that each of us makes.
In retrospect, Peter and I divided the workload equally between all our joint projects. But I didn’t ask him for a dollar; instead, I paid $3,000 of my own cash for one summer vacation.
In fact, I bought 90% of the shoes and clothes he sports. For his part, he only used the remaining cash on tackle or fishing gear he already owned.
I’m the more responsible of the two of us when it comes to money, but he’s the other way around. We handle finances differently because I don’t trust Peter with such responsibility.
Plus I recommended counseling to him before our deal and he laughed in my face. He informed me that he knew what he wanted and didn’t need anyone telling him what to do.
Even though I know we still have a long way to go, I try to accommodate him by doing some chores around the house.
I hope that in the future Peter will be more receptive to my suggestions for improving the quality of our lives. Even though it bruised Peter’s ego, I’m glad he finally saw things my way.
A lady in a similar situation earns more money than her husband and pays most of the household expenses.
But the husband changed and ignored his wife once he earned a large sum of money. This is what happened:
Even though I paid all the bills, my husband said, “My win, my money” and one day he turned pale after coming home.
Emma had always thought that she and John were a match.
He contributed nothing, so she had to deny herself most of the things she wanted for herself while managing all their expenses.
In addition, she contributed to him every week to help him with his lottery entertainment. John was really lucky to win a lot of money one day.
Little did she know that he would turn against her. Emma urged him to use a quarter of his money to pay for an acting course she’d always wanted to take but couldn’t afford.
Rather, John humiliated her by dismissing her request with a smile, declaring that he alone had won and that the money was his.
She reminded him that he should support her dream, that she was too busy supporting them both financially to give herself the things she wanted to have or achieve.
However, John ignored this, mocking his wife and insisting that she should foot the bill for everything they owned. He went on to say that they didn’t match at all unless she saw that he was the only one who won.
Emma felt hurt and disappointed. She came up with a plan and decided to bypass John for the next few days. One day he was visiting his brother and this was the perfect opportunity to pay back. His face turned pale when he got home and saw what she had done.
Shannon’s story exposes the deep-seated gender roles and financial inequalities that can exist in marriage. Her husband, Peter, took advantage of traditional expectations that put the burden of domestic duties and food preparation solely on her, despite her significant financial, time, and effort. This dynamic created a significant imbalance in their relationship that Peter seemed to ignore or chose to ignore.
The turning point came when Peter demanded that Shannon pay $200 for takeout, reinforcing his belief that she should bear the financial burden of their meal just because she couldn’t cook due to her demanding job. Shannon’s decision to closely monitor their expenses highlighted the disparity in their contributions and exposed Peter’s selfishness. This realization became the catalyst for change, forcing Shannon to challenge Peter’s assumptions and force him to confront the injustice of their situation.
A pivotal moment was Peter’s reaction to Shannon’s claim that he should pay for their vacation if he expected her to pay for all their meals. It forced him to acknowledge the imbalance in their relationship and the unfair expectations he had placed on it. This confrontation led to a significant shift in their dynamic, with Peter agreeing to take on more responsibilities, including cooking during the week. This change marked a major step towards a more equitable partnership where the contributions and sacrifices of both partners were recognized and valued.
Shannon’s story also underscores the broader issue of financial responsibility in marriage. Her experience of paying most of the household expenses despite earning more highlights the challenges faced by many women in similar situations. The financial imbalance, along with Peter’s unwillingness to contribute fairly, created tension and resentment. However, Shannon’s proactive approach to dealing with these issues and her insistence on a more equitable distribution of responsibility eventually led to a more balanced and understanding relationship.
The parallels between Shannon’s story and that of Emma, another woman dealing with a financially irresponsible husband, further highlight recurring themes of financial injustice and gender roles. Both women faced partners who failed to appreciate their contribution and tried to control the financial dynamics of their relationships. Emma’s husband’s refusal to support her dreams, despite her unwavering financial support, and his subsequent arrogance after winning the money highlights the ongoing struggle many women face to achieve financial and emotional equality in their marriages.
In both stories, women’s determination to confront injustice and assert their worth played a vital role in initiating change. Although these journeys were full of challenges and emotional turmoil, they ultimately led to a greater understanding and recognition of the need for balance and mutual respect in a partnership. Shannon and Emma’s experiences are powerful reminders of the importance of standing up for yourself and striving for justice and equality in marriage, even if it requires difficult conversations and significant adjustments.