It all started with a simple question that most parents wouldn’t think about – “Eric, can you watch children for an hour?”
But what should be a direct application has turned into something that would move the foundation of my marriage. I knew a little that one innocent question would open the door of frustration, resentment and truths that I had suppressed for too long.
At that moment, I began to realize how different our lives happened – and how deep I lived in the shadow of expectations, while I carried the weight of everything on my own shoulders.
I never expected it to be a point where everything would fall apart, but a look back, it was a turning point I was waiting for, whether I knew it or not.
My husband demanded a third child – after my reaction kicked me but I turned the tables on him
I was married to my husband Eric (43) for 12 years and we have two children together: a ten -year -old daughter and a five -year -old son.
I love my children deeply and I have always dreamed of a big family, but the reality of all this was stunning. I can handle almost everything-brewing, cleaning, childcare and working part-time home. Eric’s roles? It provides financially, but its involvement stops. He never changed his diaper, woke up in the middle of the night, or did not lead the children to a meeting of his doctor. It’s all up to me.
A few weeks ago my best friend invited me to coffee and it was the first time for ever, I had a chance to do something for myself.
“Eric, can you watch children for an hour?” I asked.
“I’m tired,” he replied. “I’ve worked for a week. Why don’t you take them with you?”
I sighed. “I just want a break. It’s just an hour. They’ll be fine.”
“Katie, you’re a mother. Mums don’t get. My mom never needed breaks. Not even my sister.”
I couldn’t believe what I heard. “So, Brianna and Amber never felt impressed? Never needed a minute for each other?”
“Exactly,” Eric said. “They managed well. You should also.”
“Eric, your mom and sister probably felt exactly like me! They just didn’t say it out loud because they knew no one was listening.”
“Whatever. It’s your job, Katie. You wanted children. Now take care of them.”
“They’re also your kids!” I fired. “When was the last time you helped Lily with homework? Was he playing with Brandon? Or did he just ask them what was their day?”
“I’m going to work to keep my roof over my head. That’s enough.”
“No, that’s not!” I was screaming. “The provision of money is not the same as the parent. You are their father, Eric. They need you.”
“Well, hard. I don’t change how things are.”
I couldn’t believe that I ended up married with someone so selfish.
A few days later Eric raised another child.
I was in total mistrust. “Eric, I can hardly manage with the two we already have. And you want more?”
He frowned. “What is a big problem? We’ve already done it twice. You know how it works.”
“That’s exactly that,” I chuckled. “I know how it works. I am the one who does all the work.
Eric’s face darken. “I provide this family, Katie. It helps.”
“No, that’s not,” I said, my voice company. “Being a parent is more than just bring home payout.”
At that moment, Eric’s mom, Brianna, entered the kitchen. She visited her daughter Amber and hasn’t left.
Eric sighed dramatically. “Mom, Katie still says I don’t help with children.”
Brianna cleaned her lips. “Katie, darling, you must be careful. The man does not want to feel criticized by his wife.”
“I don’t criticize him. I ask him to be a parent. There’s a big difference,” I replied, trying to stay calm.
“Well, Eric works hard to secure this family. You should be grateful,” Brianna said.
“And you’re blessed by two beautiful children. Why wouldn’t you want another?” Continued.
“Because I’m exhausted,” I said straight. “I do everything alone. Why would I still want to make my life more difficult?”
Amber was said.
“Right, and I’m sure she never felt stunned. She just was silent because no one would care if she did,” I said with a bitter laugh.
Amber narrowed her eyes. “Well, maybe you have to solidify. Women have been doing it for centuries. It’s exactly what we do.”
I turned to Eric. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. In this outdated thinking, you’ve been so stuck where women are expected to handle everything. It’s not fair.”
“Life is not fair, Katie,” Eric shredded. “To solve it.”
Later that night, after Brianna and Amber left, Eric again raised a third child. “You make money from nowhere,” he said as we were preparing for the bed. “We have a good life. I’ll take care of you and the kids. We should have more.”
“Eric, you don’t care about me or children. You hardly know them.”
“You’re not a great dad that you think you’re,” I continued. “And I have zero interest to be a single mother for three children. Two are hard enough.”
Eric did not answer. Instead, he went out of the room and killed the door behind him, and no doubt headed for his mother’s house.
The following morning I was early. My children stayed with my sister I called before to ask for support. I didn’t expect Eric to return immediately, but I wasn’t surprised when Brianna and Amber showed up instead.
“Katie, dear, you changed. You’re not a nice girl my son took.”
Brianna intervened harder than I expected.
“You’re right,” I said. “I’m not the girl anymore. Eric got married with a teenager. Now I’m a woman who knows her.”
Briann’s face turned red. “Excuse me?”
I crossed my hands. “You’ve heard me. And if Eric has a problem with my household, he should talk to me. He didn’t send you two to do it for him.”
Amber’s voice was sharp. “This is not the family. We support each other.”
“Really? Funny, as this support seems to be going once,” I replied.
This was my sister.
Brianna released her tirade, called me a bad woman, and said my children were growing up to hate me. A few minutes later Brianna and Amber set out and slammed the door behind them.
Later, Eric returned home.
“Did you offend my mother and sister?” Demanded.
“I didn’t offend anyone,” I said calmly. “I told them they didn’t have the right to interfere with our marriage.”
Eric’s face darken. “You don’t love me. You don’t love the kids. You changed.”
“I changed, Eric. I grew up. It’s a difference.”
“Pack your things and leave,” he shouted, pointing to the door. “I can’t live with you anymore.”
I didn’t argue. I packed my bags and stood by the door, ready to go. But before I left, I last turned to him.
“The children stay here,” I said. “Whoever stays in this house will be responsible for them.
“Wait … what?” he asked. “It doesn’t happen.”
“You heard me,” I replied calmly. “Did you want me away? Okay. But the kids remain.”
I went out with my sister without telling Eric another word.
Finally, Eric refused to take care of children and I asked for divorce. In the end I kept the house, got full custody and received considerable support of the child. I am proud of myself that I stood up for my needs and my family before it was too late.
Conclusion
In the end, the position for myself was the hardest, but the most authorizing decisions I could make. For years I drowned in the responsibility of parenting and maintenance of our home, while Eric remained absent in all respects that really mattered. When I finally found my voice, it wasn’t just for me – it was also for my children. She deserves to see how their mother stands for her value and demands respect.
Although the path was painful, I now feel a feeling of relief and freedom that I have not experienced over the years. I learned that love and respect in partnership should be mutual and no one should feel imprisoned or underestimated. My life is far from perfect, but it’s mine and is full of love and care I have always given.
I learned that sometimes the most difficult decision leads to the most beneficial changes, and while the road forward will not always be easy, I know I’m strong enough to face everything that comes. My children are my priority and I will continue to raise them with love, strength and confidence that it is worth everything I fought for.