A young woman finds herself on a “family trip” with her in-laws amid social pressures and family obligations but faces an unexpected obstacle.
Fighting deep-seated beliefs about social status and appropriate behavior, she must make a big choice that will have a lasting impact.
I went on a “family trip” with my in-laws (F26) two weeks ago. My mother-in-law always believed that just because I came from a lower class (than her) didn’t mean I was “lacking etiquette” or “backward”.
When they got to the hotel, they planned to go to a fancy restaurant for dinner. My husband informed me at the last minute as he got dressed, deliberately keeping me in the dark. He casually said that he and the family were going to dinner but that I wasn’t invited when I asked about his plans.
His logic? His mother “assumed” that it would be better for me to stay at home and eat at a hotel because I was unfamiliar with food and proper dining in such an establishment.
Without protest, I let him go, packed my bags, and got on the first plane back home.
My husband was excited when he heard I was leaving and started ringing me non-stop.
Despite his passionate pleas for me to accompany him on the journey, he accused me of impulsive and ungrateful behavior and claimed that I had embarrassed him in front of his family. After our tense conversation, he went home and gave me the silent treatment. Additionally, I received veiled criticism from his family on Facebook for my behavior.
When the woman posted her experience online, some people questioned whether she was overreacting, but most felt she was.
It is ironic that the meanest thing your in-laws could have done was to expel you in such a crude manner and for such a flimsy classificatory justification. You definitely have a SO problem too. He should have shut them down the moment nonsense started pouring out of their mouths. It sounds like your husband is the problem.
Did he approve of you being left out of the dinner plans? This is really inconsiderate and rude. He didn’t support you. He had the option of turning down the dinner invitation and going with you.
If you want your relationship to last, you both need to attend counseling to learn boundaries and communication skills. He also needs to develop a backbone to deal with his mother. If he truly believed that staying at a hotel would benefit you more (and not just his mother), he should have suggested or asked instead of hiding and sneaking around. He’s putting you down, so how on earth can he be unhappy if you don’t just lie down and take it? Hold your position.
Did your husband leave you at the hotel to go out to dinner with his crazy parents?
I’m so glad you’ve moved on. Besides telling his people to screw up, he should have stood by you. That’s all I have to say about it.
He sounds like he’s not a very nice man, but I’m just a stranger on the internet.Â
Another user wrote a long note about the whole thing.
However, this goes beyond your in-laws. Your husband is just as rude and inconsiderate as they are. A group of people who believe they are above you seriously lack basic manners. First, they tried to invite your husband without your presence. Insensitive. He didn’t need to beg them, and he most certainly shouldn’t have told you he did—as if that would earn him a cookie or justify his actions later. They intentionally leave you out of family dinners and openly disrespect you during vacations because they think you’re too low class to enjoy it. First of all, it’s incredibly rude of them. Second, instead of insisting that his family treat you decently and with basic respect, your husband chose to hide it from you. You are away; everyone got what they wanted. However, they are still reprimanding and punishing you. It is literally impossible for you to do anything good for your husband and mother-in-law unless you just act like a helpless loser and use all their mistreatment for your own amusement.
In conclusion, a young woman’s experience on a family trip with her in-laws underscores the profound impact that classism and lack of support can have on a relationship. Despite the societal pressures and responsibilities she faced, she showed remarkable strength and self-respect by choosing to walk away from a situation where she was blatantly disrespected and ostracized. Her decision to return home rather than endure further humiliation was not only a statement of her self-worth but also a necessary step to address the underlying problems in her marriage.
The reaction of her husband and in-laws underscores the deep-seated problems in this family dynamic. His failure to stand up for her and his subsequent anger reveals a disturbing lack of empathy and support. The criticism she received from his family on social media is another example of their inability to recognize their own classist and exclusionary behavior. This incident is a critical moment for the young woman, highlighting the need for her husband to grow a backbone and for both of them to seek counseling to develop better boundaries and communication skills.
Additionally, the reactions of the online community reflect a broader societal understanding of the importance of respect and equality in relationships. Many commentators have rightly pointed out that her husband’s behavior was just as problematic as his family’s. His decision to hide the dinner plans and failure to stand up for her demonstrates a deep disregard for her feelings and position in the family. Advice from strangers on the Internet, while sometimes harsh, provided valuable insights into the need for mutual respect and support in a healthy relationship.
Ultimately, the experience likely served as a catalyst for the young woman to reevaluate her marriage and her husband’s commitment to their partnership. It highlights the importance of standing up against disrespect and classification, even if it comes from those closest to us. The way forward for this couple will require considerable effort to restore trust, establish clear boundaries with the father-in-law, and ensure that both partners are treated with the respect and dignity they deserve. By addressing these issues head-on, they may find a way to move forward together, stronger and more united, or realize that their differences are too significant to overcome. Either way, the young woman’s actions are a powerful reminder of the importance of self-respect and the courage to demand better treatment in all aspects of life.