In times of need, our mother is supposed to be our strongest ally and source of support, but things don’t always go as planned.
With three children and none other than her own mother, Stephy was 24 years old when she met the worst point of her life. But her mother’s reluctance to help puts Stephy in a difficult situation. Years later, it is her mother who asks her daughter for help. Stephy contacted us asking for advice on how to manage this difficult situation.
This is a letter from Stephy:
We appreciate you telling us your story, Stephy!
We hope that the advice we have prepared will be useful.
Set limits for yourself.
Setting clear limits is essential to ensure your family’s well-being and your own. While it seems natural to feel obligated to your mother, you should put your own mental and emotional well-being first, as well as the health of your children.
You should politely but firmly let the mother know what your boundaries are and that you understand her plight, but you are unable to make her want to stay with you. Give her other options for support, such as contacting social services or local shelters that can help.
Use the dialog to find closure.
Try talking to your mother about how you feel to get your feelings out and get some closure.
Telling her how you feel can be a therapeutic step toward healing, even if it can be difficult to confront her about past behavior.
Acknowledge the pain her absence has caused you and your children, but also try to see things from her perspective. Even if he decides not to stay with you, this conversation can provide you with an opportunity to confess your past transgressions and perhaps make a fresh start in your relationship.
Pay attention to your own needs.
During this emotionally stressful time, put your children’s health and your personal well-being first. Be sure to make time for things that make you happy and fulfilling in addition to resting and recharging.
Consider getting help from a therapist or counselor who can offer direction and help you process your emotions around your mother’s unexpected return.
Making self-care a priority can help you manage challenging emotions and make decisions that align with your needs and values.
Gain your own strength by forgiving yourself.
Think of forgiveness as a powerful means of achieving emotional freedom for yourself. It is important to remember that forgiveness is the process of letting go of any anger, resentment, or bitterness that may be preventing you from moving past your mother’s behavior. It doesn’t always mean accepting them or forgetting them.
Remember that forgiveness is a journey and it’s okay to take your time and ask for help. You regain your agency and power when you accept forgiveness, opening the door to a better future for you and your children.
Another lady with a troubled past with her mother is Clarissa.
Clarissa always felt as if her mother had abandoned her, but years later she came back and told a completely different story.
Clarissa is now unsure if she can believe what her mother is saying as she is now faced with conflicting stories.
Stephy’s story highlights the complex dynamics that can emerge between family members, especially when past grievances and unfulfilled expectations come into play. Navigating the return of a previously unsupportive mother can be a challenging and emotionally charged experience. By setting clear boundaries, Stephy can protect her own well-being and the well-being of her children, while offering the mother alternative avenues of help.
An open dialogue with the mother can help in processing the emotions associated with past events and can offer a path to mutual understanding, even if it does not lead to a life together. It is crucial for Stephy to prioritize her own mental health and that of her family during this time, and seek professional support where necessary to manage difficult emotions.
Forgiveness, while not necessarily synonymous with forgetting, can provide Stephy with a sense of emotional release and personal empowerment. It allows her to move forward without being held back by past grievances and promotes a healthier emotional state for herself and her children.
In Clarissa’s case, her mother’s conflicting stories present a different challenge—one of trust and reconciliation. The process of understanding and coming to terms with her mother’s conflicting stories will require careful consideration and possibly outside support to help her navigate this complex family dynamic.
Ultimately, Steph and Clarissa’s situations underscore the importance of thoughtfully and compassionately dealing with past issues while making decisions that support their own well-being and that of their families.