“My Mother-in-Law Demands Compensation for Spending Time with Her Grandchild”

The transition to parenthood is challenging in itself, and for many, returning to work soon after giving birth is a necessity.

After giving birth, 20% of daughters-in-law found that their bond with their mother-in-law had deteriorated. Being a parent is hard in itself, so for some of us, the only option is to go back to work as soon as possible. One of our readers was facing some tension in her life after her MIL demanded payment in exchange for seeing her granddaughter.

After reading this letter we felt obliged to give some advice to Amy in the hope that it might help her in her predicament. We are also interested in how you would handle it.

Dear Amy, I am grateful for your letter. The Bright Side team discussed this issue and came up with the following excellent advice:

Try to understand the possible reasons behind your MIL’s request for cash in exchange for babysitting her granddaughter. You said your mother-in-law recently retired; experts say retirees are worried about outliving their funds. This could be the basis for your mother-in-law’s advice. Open dialogue is the only way to learn the answer that will lead us to the next point. Talk to your in-laws’ mother. Have a straightforward conversation with her and express your feelings in a collected mature manner. We’ve outlined a three-step process for keeping a conversation from veering off course and becoming an argument.

Don’t assume that your mother-in-law will react badly in the first step. Step 2: Express your feelings without offering any justification. You can say, “I feel misunderstood,” as opposed to “I feel misunderstood because you asked for Y.” — By choosing the first option, you can engage your mother-in-law in the conversation without her feeling compelled to defend herself. Third, focus on what you are doing rather than what you are not doing.

Which would you choose – a skilled stranger or a caring family member? Keep in mind that paying a trained babysitter more money than your MIL would ask for is generally a good idea. Consider how you and your spouse can feel better at the end of the day.

Also, keep in mind that your MIL must have done a lot of parenting things right because she raised the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Look for other options. Daycare has its pros and cons, including increased fees and stress levels, as well as the potential for more involvement from both of you (eg driving your child to and from daycare). Plus, there will be days when your child needs to stay at home, so you’ll still need to find a reliable babysitter on short notice.

Although most grandparents do not expect to get paid to babysit their grandchildren, it is very normal for them to do so. Caring for a child may require full-time employment. It is not easy to feed, change and look after a baby all the time, especially as you get older.

No matter what happens, we hope our advice will help improve your situation and your relationship with your mother-in-law.

 We hope these guidelines will help alleviate the situation and facilitate a positive resolution.

We invite readers to share their experiences in the comments section. Have your parents ever taken care of your child and thought about compensating them for their time? How would you respond if a family member demanded payment for babysitting services? We look forward to your thoughts.

Does your family ever take care of your child? Have you considered compensating them for their time in some way? What would you say if a relative approached you for money in exchange for babysitting their children? Please tell us in the comments.