Navigating the dynamic between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law can be a delicate balance, especially when it comes to differing views on parenting. Recently, a Reddit user found herself in a difficult situation involving her mother-in-law, which left her dealing with intense emotional discomfort.
Despite repeated attempts to set boundaries, her mother-in-law persistently tried to influence the care of her five-month-old daughter. The situation escalated when her husband’s reaction further complicated the situation, leaving her feeling isolated and overwhelmed.
Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law often disagree, especially when it comes to parenting styles. Family peace depends on finding a balance between maintaining a respectful connection and claiming parental freedom. A recent difficult situation involving her mother-in-law (MIL) left a Reddit member reeling in intense mental discomfort. Her husband’s callous attitude only worsened the situation and made the situation even more difficult to manage.
My daughter is 5 months old. Although I have visited our home at least thirty or more times, the mother-in-law only wants to “assist” her daughter with changing diapers or giving her a bottle. Changing our daughter took too long to do so we won’t let her do it again. That scared me.
It doesn’t take ten minutes to wipe a baby.
So we set a rule. Only we can make our daughter different.
However, the problem with the bottle now exists. I exclusively breastfeed.
Even though I own a pump, I never use it. I don’t need to use it. She doesn’t have to bottle feed my baby, but if I refuse it makes her worse.
I will not pump unless absolutely necessary. I don’t have to right now. My husband and I both work from home. When it’s time to pump, I will. I don’t think her desire to bottle feed my baby is a good enough excuse.
So while I was making dinner yesterday afternoon, she stopped by. By the time I finished dinner, my husband was tending to the baby, who had been kicking for almost five minutes.
“Here, I’ll take the baby while you finish dinner,” my mother-in-law adds. Claire, please hurry to the pump so I can settle the baby.”
In the heat of the moment, I slammed the spatula on the counter and told her, “You’re not feeding my baby,” because I was so tired of our argument. Not that I’m promoting you. If you bring it up again, you won’t be much of a part of your granddaughter’s life.” After taking the baby, I give my husband a shovel, go into the back room, and lock myself. I could hear her and my husband fighting in the kitchen before the door slammed.
When I return, my wife is furiously finishing dinner and I notice that she has left. “Is it a big deal for you to pump so my mom can feed her granddaughter?” she asks coldly as she turns to me. Then she throws my plate across the room and rushes into her office, closing the door behind her. And since then, his whole outlook has evolved. It’s far away now.
Your husband should urge his mother to stop pushing if he is sick of being the middleman.
Your baby is exclusively breastfed and MIL will not give the baby a bottle until she specifically asks. MIL has no obligation or right to feed your child. Now it was her turn to feed her children.
Because some babies refuse to return to the breast, many lactation consultants do not recommend using a bottle. Many mothers exclusively breastfeed their babies and do not use a bottle when it is not necessary.
While it’s understandable that he doesn’t want to be involved, your husband needs to let his mother know that if she continues to act like this, he will have no contact with her at all. Your mother-in-law is trying to cross the line and your husband needs to realize that this child is yours and his. Your rules, your child!
In addition to being uncomfortable and taking more time than breastfeeding, pumping can result in thrush if not cleaned properly. Don’t do it just so your mother-in-law can take care of her and spend time with her. Breastfeeding is faster, easier, and less frustrating for you and your baby. When it comes to your breasts, you have the final say.
Your suggestion MIL confuses me. Why not just feed her if you could stop cooking for a while and attend to her needs? The reason to delay feeding the baby until after you have pumped and filled a bottle for MIL to feed her defies me. All in all, it sounds like more work.
Your mother-in-law has a problem with your rules and setting limits with your child.
It sounds like at the moment it’s best to keep them separate and your husband is stuck in the middle.
It is not unusual for a mother-in-law to cause mental anguish to her daughter-in-law. Sometimes even the most careful people can show actions that are difficult to understand.
These are some short stories that illustrate this idea quite effectively.
Navigating the delicate balance between maintaining a respectful relationship with one’s mother-in-law and asserting parental authority can be challenging, especially when disagreements over parenting styles arise.
A recent tense situation described by a Reddit member highlights the complexity of managing such conflicts, especially when coupled with an unsupportive partner’s attitude. In this scenario, the mother-in-law’s persistent insistence on participating in childcare tasks, despite the parents’ preferences, led to an escalation of tensions in the household. While a mother-in-law’s desire to bond with her granddaughter is understandable, it is essential for her to respect the parents’ boundaries and decisions regarding the care of their child. Similarly, the husband’s cold reaction and subsequent withdrawal from the situation highlight the need for effective communication and mutual support between partners in resolving family conflicts. Finding common ground and maintaining an open dialogue can ultimately help ease tensions and promote healthier relationships within the family unit.