I became a widower four years ago and was fortunate to meet my present wife, who was a divorced mother of two children. At the time, my daughter was 12 years old, while my stepdaughters were 13 and 11. Though my wife’s ex-husband presented some challenges when we initially met, it was relatively easy to avoid exposing my daughter to him, which gave me the confidence to proceed with the relationship.
From the beginning, my daughter developed a strong bond with my wife, and she was thrilled at the prospect of having siblings in her life. However, my stepdaughters’ attitudes towards my daughter changed for the worse after my wife and I got married two years ago.
This drastic change in behavior was fueled by their father’s hatred for my daughter, which they openly expressed in our home. The girls would spew hate speech, using it to bully my daughter. Even a grown man, their father, went as far as calling my daughter derogatory names such as a “fat repulsive pig” and “wh*re,” among other offensive terms.
They made fun of her for being introverted, and shy, and even called her dumb. While I tried to maintain a positive outlook and give my wife the benefit of the doubt, I reached a breaking point when it became unbearable for my daughter.
I let my wife know that I could not continue with the marriage if she didn’t find a solution to the situation. Despite her determination to put an end to the bullying, my daughter’s mental health was my top priority. I got her the necessary therapy and did everything possible to keep her away from the girls, but the bullying persisted. It even happened at night, and I realized that moving out with my daughter was the only way to protect her.
My wife pleaded with me to stay, saying she loved us, and her girls needed me, but I was resolute. As much as I loved her and her daughters, my daughter’s well-being came first. This was a difficult decision, but I knew it was the right one for my family.
After filing for divorce, my wife’s family began urging me to reconsider my decision. They insisted that my stepdaughters were in desperate need of a healthy and positive father figure in their lives and that leaving would have a detrimental impact on them. They emphasized the importance of prioritizing my stepdaughters and argued that they were just as important as my own daughter. However, I made it clear that my daughter was my top priority and that I couldn’t prioritize my stepdaughters over her. This statement was met with outrage, and my wife’s family accused me of dismissing my stepdaughters’ importance and value. They claimed that my wife had been prioritizing my daughter and that her love should be enough for her to understand the need for me to remain in her sisters’ lives. Despite their objections, I stood firm and reiterated that I couldn’t put my daughter’s needs second to anyone else’s.
OK, what part of the marriage covenant did both not understand? The 2 or them have the responcibility to have the Lord as a third partner–and the father is the head of the family with wife as councelor. Kids,all the kids, have the obligation to support what ever the parents decide.Period. Respect is paramount and nothing less should be tolerated .All Members to make a loving and kind environment..Everyone needs to understand they are 1 family and consequences are in place to guide.Total commitment from all the members.No division,no overriding the parents.So,no leaving ,no pleading,no tantrums.You have weekly family home evenings, you create lessons starting with a prayer and choose lessons on unity,kindness,TEACH the children to know how to love and obey with all taking turns to learn examples of love and then help every inappropriate action to be corrected with love.Baby steps,correct teaching,and consistantcy and showing unity first to the parents as leaders and then invite the Lord to help with sacrifice and giving to each other,Get the selfishness out and serve others and community–watch the miracle take place-the Lord is #1 and the father is the example of His love to his own family. If they never started with the Lord as a third partner then make it happen immediately and watch His influence.Get properly organized and stay committed.Kids learned selfishness,help them unlearn it.Take out the bad and replace wth good.Act like adults with asking forgiveness and honoring the husband to protect all the family and the wife to support him in his ultimate decisions with her counceling.Make this hot mess into knowing the Lord created families and learn to recognise the influence of the adversary to tear up families and instead create a heaven on earth. Now, just do it!!