Navigating the tumultuous terrain of raising a teenager can test even the most composed parents. It’s a phase where the child you once cradled in your arms now seems to shy away from your presence. Such was the predicament faced by a determined parent who refused to let her son’s embarrassment deter her. Seeking solace and guidance, she turned to the realm of social media, hoping to find advice on tackling this intricate issue head-on.
Dealing with a teenager’s anger and embarrassment can undoubtedly present its fair share of challenges. However, it’s crucial to remember that as a parent, you are rarely the root cause of their frustrations. Your child’s embarrassment does not reflect your eccentricity or perceived “weirdness.” The adolescent phase entails a natural process of detachment, where a sense of apathy towards various aspects, including parents, often emerges. These emotional shifts are considered normal and should be approached with understanding.
When you find yourself traversing the difficult terrain of your child’s embarrassment, it is worth considering the following strategies that could provide some assistance:
1. Refrain from taking it personally: While it may sting at times, it is important to remind yourself that adolescence is a turbulent period, and such behavior is a normal part of it. Recognize that their actions are not a reflection of your value or who you are as a person.
2. Avoid conflict: While it is typical for parents to desire respectful communication from their children, there may be instances where they express themselves using undesirable language. However, it is important to resist the urge to reprimand them for their words immediately and instead consider ending the conversation. For example, if you inquire about your son’s untidy room and he responds with elevated language, it is advisable to avoid fixating on his response. Instead, redirect the focus by stating something along the lines of, “I asked why you haven’t cleaned your room. Your access to your cell phone will be restricted until it’s tidy.” By doing so, you prevent the discussion from spiraling into a conflict over appropriate language and maintain the primary objective of ensuring compliance with your request.
3. Provide attention and affection on their terms: Interacting with teenagers can be challenging, and ironically, the more you try to get closer, the more they might push back. However, giving them some autonomy can be a constructive way to build a stronger bond. Adolescents often desire a sense of control, so express your interest in spending time with them and let them decide the details, like when and where. By offering them this level of choice, you make the idea of spending time together more enticing and increase the likelihood of their voluntary participation.
4. Engage in conversations with other parents: During this unfamiliar phase, reaching out to fellow parents who can share their experiences and provide guidance can be immensely valuable. Connecting with those who have traveled a similar path not only offers valuable insights but also fosters a sense of camaraderie. Furthermore, they may assist you in finding moments of humor amidst challenging situations, cultivating a lighter perspective as you navigate this journey together.
5. Remember how you felt at that age: Engaging in empathy can assist you in understanding your child’s perspective and realizing that their actions are not directed personally toward you. It’s essential to remember that during adolescence, it’s common for young individuals to view their friends as cool and wise while perceiving their parents as embarrassing or out of touch. Reflecting on your own experiences during that age can serve as a helpful reminder of this universal dynamic.
6. Embrace the shift in your relationship: Acknowledging and accepting that your relationship with your child has transformed can be challenging. During this stage, teenagers tend to prioritize spending time with their friends and may even distance themselves from their parents to forge connections with peers of their own age.
You are possibly too late with this. If he’s disrespecting you now, he’s done it before. You should have dealt with this the very first time it happened. And because he has never had to obey you when you speak to him, I doubt he’ll listen. Still, I think your approach now might be helpful! HE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO DISRESPECT YOU AGAIN! YOU’RE THE PARENT.
Good luck.
Good Job!
There are many great books and articles dealing with this. Jim Faye is my favorite. He has a series of books for many ages
such as ” Teaching with Love and Logic” . His website use to be http://www.loveandlogic.com. I raised 3 sons using some of his techniques. All 3 are wonderful men. No trouble with the law etc. I also used some of his techniques as a teacher.
I say payback is a B. I wouldn’t drive him anywhere and do let him take the bus. If he doesn’t want to be seen with you, let him find his own way. He might just realize what an azz he’s been.
This is the problem with parents who’s tolerating bad behavior because they follow other people’s parenting advices. You should’ve corrected him the first time it happened. Discipline your child while you can and while they are young, don’t let their bad behavior go unnoticed. I hope it will work out for you still. If not it’s time to seek help, a psychologist can help him realizes things. Do not let him treat you so bad and love yourself and your husband.
If a child of mine treated me like that, he/she would soon know what the back of my hand felt like…
I think if you and your husband have asked for God’s help and prayed about this than this is what you should do. I actually love this. I’m sorry but I would not have tolerated it as long as you have. He is pushing your buttons to see how much more he can do and how long he can get away with it. Sorry, but not worried about his little feelings and he better get over it quick or he will be walking everywhere he needs to go. Also, all money would be taken away from him and I would tell him he can get a job. There are rules in the house and everwhere in this world and he needs to start learning that he is not “special”. You did a good job Mom. Do not go back to what you were putting up with before.
I Think you have tolorated enough of his disrespect..at 14 he should know what he is doing . he should get the same respect that he gives .this is the only way he will learn .I’m pretty sure his friends don’t treat their parents this way.and when they realize what a entitled Brat he is ,they may distance themselves from him ..No Family or friends makes for a lonely life ..we all need someone to care about us and its too hard to Love a person who cares nothing about you .
The bible tells us…spar the rod spoil the child, they need and desire discipline, bible also says honor thy mother and father. Making him understand and feel how he disrespected you was the right first step.
I think you were RIGHT keep up the good work.