I think there is no such thing as good or terrible jealousy; if it’s jealousy, it’s not fantastic.
Jealousy can be worse. Still, there are clear signs that your partner is experiencing unhealthy jealousy, which can seriously damage your relationship and completely make your day-to-day life miserable.
Your partner should trust you enough that they won’t be unhappy if your phone dies and they don’t know where you are, or if you spend the day with someone they don’t know well. You shouldn’t do anything to make them jealous. However, jealousy does occur and it is a very real and destructive emotion.
Relationship expert and marriage and family therapist Esther Boykin tells Bustle, “We all feel jealous at some point; the key to staying healthy is being able to identify the feeling and not let it control behavior.”
When I asked a group of dating, love, and relationship experts how to spot unhealthy jealousy in a partner, they gave me some very obvious and visible indicators of suspicious behavior or actions, like being emotionally dependent or wanting you to behave a certain way. In a way that you can watch out for in your own relationship. Now that you know what to look for, you may not find anything like it.
1. They like it when you’re alone.
“It can be romantic and passionate when your partner wants to spend every waking moment alone with you, especially when love is new, but this kind of intense isolation is often a red flag,” adds Boykin. “Unhealthy jealousy rarely looks unhealthy at first;
it often looks loving, passionate, and exciting – they can’t get enough of you, they love you so much they want you all to themselves,” she explains. It’s not cute in the long run, although it might be nice at first.
They may make generalizations that are barely disguised statements of jealousy. “They don’t think anyone else can appreciate you the way they do, or you’re so amazing that they believe everyone loves you as much as they do and can’t bear to share you,” says Boykin.
“These statements may sound grandiose and even flattering, but hidden insecurities and an attempt to control are not the basis of a lasting love relationship.”
This type of jealousy is incompatible with a long-term partnership. “It’s acceptable to miss you and wish for more time, but it’s not acceptable to demand that you spend all your time with them. With very few warning signs, unhealthy jealousy can spiral out of control and lead to emotionally abusive relationships,” he added. . on Boykin and speak up if you notice anything like jealousy.
2. They think you’re the worst
According to psychotherapist Nikki Martinez, “when they suspect you and everyone around you of the worst intentions,” she tells Bustle. The motive is to assume you’re wrong, but it can take many different forms. “They’re looking at your phone, checking you out when you’re out – spoiling your evening – and interrogating you in a way that makes it clear it’s not out of interest, but rather to get information.” Having a partner who cares about your night because they care is amazing. A husband who doesn’t trust you needs to know every minute of your night.
3. They rely too much on their emotions
Salama Marine, psychologist and online dating specialist for dating site EliteSingles tells Bustle that emotional dependency is a symptom that could indicate intense jealousy. According to her, emotional reliance in this situation indicates that one of the partners wishes to keep the other to themselves. “Even though he’s unhappy in a relationship, he feels it’s too risky for them to be alone and he’s afraid of the unknown,” the Marine adds.
If this happens, your partner may display various forms of jealousy. This leads to a variety of behaviors, including traditional ones such as jealousy and the need for constant reassurance, as well as the belief that your worth depends on the looks and appearance of your partner.
Presence, lack of trust, and willingness to accept inappropriate behavior. It goes without saying that no one benefits from this circumstance, and this needs to be recognized immediately.
4. They don’t like your favorite subjects
As Zen psychotherapist and neuromarketing strategist Michele Paiva tells Bustle, “Obviously isolating yourself from others who might be a s*xual threat [is a sign of unhealthy jealousy], but so is the idea that [certain] people, places, and things, in general, are something.” they disapprove ” can also be a hint “If you decide you love opera and your partner decides to start making fun of operas, that’s a form of jealousy,” he says if they don’t have a hobby and you learn more or are happy without them; and if they have hobbies, they may see you as competition.” Either way, it’s a terrible scene. “Not allowing yourself to be true to yourself and your growth is an inherently dysfunctional form of jealousy,” says Paiva.
5. They want to control you
According to Dr. Jennifer Rhodes, psychologist, image consultant, and dating expert, “You can tell your partner is unhealthy jealous when they try to control your life,” reports Bustle.
“Jealousy can make people behave in scary and controlling ways.” Regardless of the action, it is unacceptable if it is motivated by jealousy. “If he’s checking your phone, accusing you of cheating or flirting, or demanding to know where you are, it’s time to have a serious talk about what’s really going on,” advises Rhodes. If you address it immediately, you may be able to stop it.
6. They want specific behavior from you.
Rosalind Sedacca, a licensed relationship coach, tells Bustle that when your husband starts making demands on your behavior, it’s a sign that he’s becoming unhealthy and jealous. “Does your partner expect you to do or not do certain things according to their wishes?” If so, it cannot continue. He continues, “Does he feel entitled to control your actions?” “Are you afraid to confront your partner about these demands for fear of conflict or a physical reaction?” If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you have a problem. “When you don’t feel respected in your relationship for the decisions you make and the actions you take, it’s time to move on and take back your life and autonomy,” she says. Really!
7. They are always present
According to relationship coach and psychic medium Cindi Sansone-Braff, author of Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships, “One sure sign that your partner has gone overboard with their jealousy is that they become clingy. To you like glue, even when he refuses to do the things he really wants to do just to keep an eye on you,” according to Bustle. “Don’t ignore this really big red flag of jealousy: Your partner suddenly stops doing things they really enjoyed doing because the anxiety level of leaving you unattended is astronomical.” Your partner’s excessive interest in your life can be pleasant at first, but beware if this curiosity does not cross the risk zone.
8. They must always stay in touch
According to New York-based relationship counselor and author April Masini, “when your partner freaks out because you’re out without [them] and [they] can’t reach you, [they] have an unhealthy wave of jealousy,” she tells Bustle. “When [they] accuse you of not checking in with [them], not picking up the phone when they call! and basically implying that you’re cheating on [them] because you’re without [them”], [your partner] he is not behaving healthily.’ You have to be able to get on with your life “Wanting you to be theirs is one thing – but not wanting you to have freedom or your own life is jealousy that is not healthy.”
9. You identify the symptoms of stress
Dating expert Noah Van Hochman tells Bustle that “when observed in certain situations, bodily tension is a sure sign of stress.” When you’re talking to someone else when they’re not around, do they pinch your partner’s face, clench their teeth, or raise their fists? Do they make eye contact with someone else when they stare at you? These indicate an unhealthy form of jealousy. Those combined with other factors can lead to big problems, but it’s not necessarily a done deal.
“Now these signs alone are not a 100% indicator, but if combined with a few other more obvious signs that this person is overly jealous, such as eavesdropping on phone calls or a constant need to know where you are, then this harmful jealousy could turn it into something more sinister. If you are going through this, you may need to reevaluate your relationship with this person, or at least involve a close friend.
10. They follow you on social media
“If your partner is monitoring your social media activity—specifically, who you follow, who you follow, who you like, or who you comment on, chances are there are some jealousy issues,” Kali Rogers, life coach, tells Bustle “Or if your partner against having a social media account or not friending/following your account, there’s probably something going on too.”
You have to have the ability to live your life. “Seeing how your partner reacts to your behavior on social media is a good indicator of how much control they’ll have in real life,” she says.
11. You must provide a thorough explanation of your whereabouts.
Jealousy can be a complex and often damaging emotion in relationships, and recognizing its unhealthy forms is key to maintaining a healthy partnership. Understanding the signs of unhealthy jealousy can allow individuals to address issues before they escalate and ensure that both partners can thrive in a trusting environment. From an excessive need for control to emotional dependence, these behaviors can create an oppressive atmosphere that undermines the foundation of love and respect in a relationship.
It is essential to remember that feelings of jealousy can arise in any partnership; however, their impact is determined by how these feelings are managed. Open communication is key. If one partner is showing signs of unhealthy jealousy, addressing it directly and calmly can help clarify expectations and boundaries. By creating a safe space for discussion, partners can express their feelings without fear of backlash, which promotes a deeper understanding of each other’s needs.
If unhealthy jealousy persists, it may be a sign to reevaluate the relationship. Emotional well-being should always come first, and a relationship that stifles personal freedom and trust can lead to long-term damage. Recognizing when jealousy crosses the line of ownership or control can help individuals make informed decisions about their relationships, ultimately leading to healthier dynamics and fulfilling partnerships. It is important to prioritize mutual respect, trust, and autonomy and ensure that both partners can grow and prosper together.