The story began with a woman seeking solace and advice on a Reddit forum, her heart weighed down by the weight of her husband’s seemingly unbreakable bond with his mother.
She entered this union with hope, having dated her husband for five years before tying the knot, only to face a startling revelation during her pregnancy.
As the due date approached, the impending arrival of their child intensified the need for her husband’s presence and support. However, his unwavering loyalty to his mother left her feeling abandoned and alone. The tipping point came when she begged her husband to spend more time with her in hopes of preparing for their new journey together into parenthood. His response, “You know my mom is coming before you,” shattered her expectations and revealed the seriousness of their marital discord.
The woman said, “My husband is a total mom,” revealing that he and his mother had a very close relationship. He spends more time with his mother than with me; he’ll talk to her on the phone for hours.”
But the last straw that broke the camel’s back was the incident that led to her Reddit post.
What was the root of the husband’s quarrel?
The mother, who was six months pregnant, begged her husband to spend more time with her so that they could prepare for the impending birth of their child.
Her husband informed her that he would have less time to spend with his mother if he was there for her more.
Although she acknowledged that her husband understood the idea, the wife claimed that she needed his attention more than his mother.
“You know my mom is coming before you.
The woman considered what her husband said and decided to continue after he left for his mother’s house. Then she took care of everything herself.
While she was home alone with the baby, her mother-in-law called her to say she had won. The problem worsened when the woman heard her mother-in-law bragging about her victory and her husband giggling in the background.
She went about her day, not caring that she was upset.
When the couple celebrated their anniversary a few weeks later, the woman intended to treat her husband to his favorite food and watch sports, but he had other ideas.
She was in the stall when her husband came home from work and then left again.
She thought her husband might be planning a surprise for her, but after thirty minutes he was still nowhere to be found, so she called to check on him.
She informed him that since he treated his mother as a lover, his mother could carry their child even after confirming that her husband was indeed staying with her mother.
After hanging up on her husband and mother-in-law, she received text messages advising her not to insult her and instead of being angry and jealous, find something else to do with her time.
She asked the Reddit community to find out if she was wrong.
What did people say?
The woman immediately uploaded a response, thanking everyone who left comments on her original post to let her know she wasn’t crazy. She further said:
“I think my MIL is competing with me and I may have to give my husband [an] ultimatum because after reading these comments it could only get worse from here.”
She had every right to expect her husband to spend more time with her and the child throughout her pregnancy than with the mother, and the wider community agreed.
Others advised her to try asking her husband more questions about time with her mother.
The wife clarified that she took this step because his mother held a special place in his heart.
The woman said that when she realized that her mother-in-law had no intention of changing, she considered filing for divorce from her husband.
She threatened to divorce him if he continued to act like he was still married to his mother.
Hearing this, the husband broke down in tears and vowed to make things right.
The woman knew that her mother-in-law would tell her that she had little chance of winning, so she did not want to talk to her about her husband.
The woman emphasized that there was no win or lose and threatened to take away her mother-in-law’s grandson’s visitation rights if her behavior did not improve.
After her emotionally charged Reddit post seeking advice on favoring his husband’s mother, the pregnant woman found herself overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and shared experiences from the community. Their empathy and various suggestions resonated deeply with her and validated her feelings and issues in her marriage.
The situation reached a boiling point, forcing her to confront the undeniable favoritism her husband was showing towards his mother because of their relationship. She struggled with the seriousness of her husband’s dismissive attitude, especially when he bluntly stated, “You know my mom is ahead of you.” That hurtful statement echoed in her mind, pushing her to breaking point.
As she contemplated the proposals, including discussions and ultimatums, her emotions fluctuated between the hope of a resolution and the stark realization that her husband’s loyalty to her mother might not change. The prospect of divorce loomed large and scary, but necessary to consider in order to protect myself and my unborn child from toxic family dynamics.
Despite her emotional turmoil, she remained determined to protect her child and maintain a healthy boundary between her mother-in-law’s intrusive behavior and her family life. She understood that the well-being of her child and the integrity of her marriage were at stake, leading her to consider drastic decisions to protect her family’s future.
Her Reddit story may have started as a plea for advice, but it has evolved into a testament to courage and resilience in the face of an emotionally demanding ordeal. The supportive comments, shared experiences, and encouragement from the Reddit community gave her strength and confirmed that she was not alone in her battle against an overbearing mother-in-law and a husband who is caught up in an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
In the end, she stood firm, ready to overcome the uncertainty that awaited her, hoping to find a solution that would put her family’s well-being and her child’s future happiness above all else.
I have to say leave your husband, he will not change. His mother has him around her finger and is holding the rope very tight. I have been through what you are dealing with. I always felt my husband listened to his mother more than me, he always made excuses for her. I always felt I fell behind her, he never admitted it but we both knew. I’ll never stop thinking about the times she looked at me as he was helping her and not me and giving me a snind (?) smile. In hindsight, I wish I would have left him. I always did things wrong in her opinion telling my children to do things her way because “they are better”. I taught my children to respect her home. We always invited my in-laws to events with my family, to every occasion so they would not be left alone.
I could go on and on about incidents where I felt I didn’t belong. My husband has never, ever admitted or acknowledged my feelings. He told me he married me because he felt I reminded him of his mother. That says it all doesn’t it?
If a man says you remind him of his mom….take it as an insult and leave. If a mother has a freakish hold on her son, it’s usually because something is missing in her own life. Been there BUT I am forceful and told the old bat,Marie Barone, to step off; then I told him to decide what he wants in life, a wife to love and share a life or Mommy who will dictate his life and make it a living hell. The baby and you deserve better. I would see an attorney. Mental cruelty and technical abandonment. If he can’t/won’t be there as a husband/dad, child support helps. Just sayin’
Why not give him a piece of paper with the wedding vows on it and have him read it aloud to you and his mommy – especially the part about “forsaking all others”? Remind both of them that YOU come first; not his mommy. If he refuses, go into your pocketbook and remove another piece of paper and hand it to him – the divorce filing (that you previously filled out, which is your Plan B). Do all of this in the presence of his mommy, and calmly tell him that SHE is the cause of the pending divorce, so she can have him back. Then leave and go home, but first tell mama’s boy that this issue WILL be rectified tonight, or don’t bother coming home. This is a serious problem and you have to be willing to end the marriage, if it comes to that. It’s a big step, but I believe that a man’s wife should come before ANYBODY else, even his mother. When everyone acknowledges that fact, the marriage will be strong and happy.