A calm and safe environment is essential for expectant mothers during childbirth. Her mother-in-law burst into the room, and within seconds, a calm moment turned into a hectic one for the brand-new mother. Unfortunately, this had an adverse effect on the birth and the mother now holds her husband responsible for what happened. She took to social media to vent and get advice while she was still in shock.
I still can’t believe what happened four days ago.
Although I’ve only met my mother-in-law a few times since I started dating my partner, I’ve never been close to her. It’s clear that my mother-in-law has never liked me – she avoids me, she talks to me, and if she does, it’s always mocking.
When my girlfriend and I found out I was expecting, she was a little kinder. We finally had something to talk about and she was ecstatic about her first grandchild. She repeatedly asked me to be present when I gave birth to my partner.
That was a resounding no, and I really didn’t give it another thought until she burst into the delivery room.
By this time I was in the middle of labor and she just arrived out of nowhere. Being quite a timid and nervous person, I couldn’t get her to go. I am aware of how terrible it is.
I assumed my friend would ask her to leave.
He did not do it.
Every time I had an exam, I said it was time to leave, but she never came back and insisted that my partner accompany her. As a result, I was always alone until he came back in a moment. She stayed there for hours and I felt like I should push even though I really didn’t want to push when she was in the room. When I finally told my partner it was time to ask her to go, my mother-in-law was furious. But when he did, she left.”
An hour later, despite my best efforts, the baby was still not coming out, and the delivery room was becoming tense.
When MIL came back into the room I was in the least decent position – on my hands and knees. I was shy. My friend had to talk her into going again.
Pushing was ineffective and we found ourselves in the theater. I ended up having a pretty traumatic forceps birth and have more stitches than I care to admit.
People started coming into the cinema reporting that my mother-in-law was trying to get in. After we left the theater, we were approached by several people, one of whom was trying to enter to see the infant. I was horrified.
In my partner’s opinion, it wasn’t as bad as I pretended.
I made sure my mom arrived first and my MIL came a little later because I gave her the wrong visitation times so my mom could meet the baby first. I know it’s juvenile, but I felt it was the last thing I could do to get my own back after what happened. I allowed visitors the following day. MIL was not pleased that she didn’t see the baby first.
After four days, MIL still wants to visit the baby every day but I am so angry with her for what she did. Not only am I nervous and vulnerable trying to establish breastfeeding, but I also don’t want her. She constantly tells my partner that I am horrible and cruel, which forbids her to see the child. I do not know what to do.
I discussed it with my husband, but I tried to focus on enjoying time with my baby, so I didn’t push about how sad I was about it all. He definitely let me down by not standing up for me more and making sure she was ejected properly. I don’t understand why the medical staff didn’t keep her out after I told them I didn’t want her there.
After the birth, one of the midwives informed me that the reason the birth went so poorly was probably a large part of how stressful it was for me to have my mother-in-law in the room when I didn’t want her there… Honestly, I believe that’s true.”
Commenters were eager to provide their thoughts and suggestions on the best course of action for the new mother, as well as their unwavering support.
Ask the midwife to speak to your husband. Ask her to explain how you and your child may have been affected by your MIL’s selfishness. Ask her to describe how much more peaceful labor would be if you didn’t have to worry about someone breaking into your hospital room against your will.
Her actions were reprehensible. Her presence was unnecessary and unwarranted because childbirth is a medical operation. Your wife needs to know about this and she should not be around you until you and your child have recovered from the trauma. She should also apologize sincerely.
It’s very understandable if you never feel comfortable with her around your child; your husband will just have to put up with it.
If she felt that it was pushing your boundaries that easily, imagine what she would do if you told her not to give the baby a certain food or kiss him on the cheek. He will not respect your parenting decisions and has little respect for you. © Reddit/MaddTheSimmer
I would talk to your husband about the ways your MIL’s actions have made you feel vulnerable, stressed, and/or more worked up. Also, let me know what the midwife says. She showed you utter contempt when you were at your most vulnerable, showing no concern for the repercussions her actions would have on you. It is his duty to set an example for his mother and remind her to act like an adult, otherwise, she would have to settle for Facebook updates showing her grandchild’s progress.
She cannot be trusted to respect your preferences and this will carry over into how you and your husband choose to raise your child. Since she is his mother, she needs to set limits first and foremost. He needs to support you because you two are a team. If you can, I’d also keep her away until things calm down. © Reddit / AltruistiBathroom
As a breastfeeding support worker, I must emphasize that the first few weeks of breastfeeding should be stress-free for you. Whether your husband agrees or not, you shouldn’t have your mother-in-law there if she’s stressing you out. © Reddit/justnognomes
That’s pretty awful. It makes sense why you are so upset and traumatized. I think it is crucial that you talk to your husband about how dysfunctional his mother was.
She understands how much she crossed the line – like giving birth – but she didn’t seem to care. Everything revolved around her. She ruined a priceless moment and turned it into a traumatic experience. I’m so sorry this happened to you. © Reddit / GrannyW3atherwax15