Understanding and navigating toxic behavior is essential to maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your own well-being. While the occasional lapse into toxic behavior is inevitable for most people, recognizing consistent patterns of toxic behavior is essential to protecting against long-term damage. Toxic individuals often exhibit a range of behaviors that can negatively affect those around them, from blame-shifting to manipulation and control. By being aware of these behaviors, individuals can take proactive steps to identify toxic individuals and minimize their impact on their lives. Let’s explore nine common behaviors of toxic people and how they can manifest in different contexts.
Even the least toxic people in the world have undoubtedly engaged in toxic behavior at times because no one is perfect. I am aware that I have. That being said, there is a significant difference between sporadic toxic behavior and the consistent adoption of common patterns shared by all toxic individuals.
When toxic people behave badly toward others, it usually reflects how they feel about themselves. “It’s important to realize that toxic people are often unconsciously letting you feel how they feel, in other words, it’s more about them than you,” says Joyce Marter, LCPC in an article for Psych Central. Even if you realize it, whether you’re romantic or not, relationships with toxic individuals can be so challenging and confusing that they actually take a toll on your mental health.
This is why it is important to recognize toxic people so you can avoid their presence. It may sound cold, but it is essential for your overall health. I can tell you from experience that if you continue to put up with toxic behavior from people, it will take a lot of work to rebuild your mental and self-worth when you decide to cut ties.
Fortunately, if you know what behaviors to look out for, it’s not hard to identify a toxic individual.
1. They don’t pay attention
Toxic people don’t listen well. I’ve known toxic people who would just tell me to “shut up” or “stop talking” if I tried to have a serious conversation with them about something that was upsetting me. Toxic people usually have a habit of talking more than listening. In fact, toxic people often engage in this behavior, so you shouldn’t model it for yourself or condone it in others.
2. They always act sarcastic
If you love Chandler Bing and Lorelei Gilmore as much as I do, you probably know how fun a little sarcasm can be. Still, you no doubt realize how quickly sarcasm can become too harsh. I believe we’ve all undoubtedly been guilty of overdoing the sarcasm at one point or another. However, toxic people have a daily habit of using harsh, condescending sarcasm because it stems from their anger, mistrust, cowardice, and fear of expressing their true emotions.
In an essay on ending sarcasm, Psychology Today stated:
Psychologically, sarcasm stems from feelings of fear, mistrust, and anger. People who use are often afraid to take the opportunity to share their true feelings, are angry or upset, and do not trust the other person or themselves to be honest.
Worse, in my experience, toxic people don’t see the damage they’re causing because they’re so used to speaking with venomous sarcasm. In fact, whenever I’ve confronted someone toxic for using sarcasm against me, they’ve always responded with anger and/or told me I’m “too sensitive.” Be sure you are not being overly sensitive if this occurs to you. Wild, over-the-top sarcasm is not a good approach to interacting with a loved one.
3. They blame their problems and emotions on others
Toxic people constantly reject responsibility for their lives, problems, and even their emotions. Toxic people tend to blame other people for anything bad in their lives, such as a failed test or a failed relationship.
People who are venomous act this way because they are still healing from severe wounds. In an interview with Psych Central, Australian psychologist Jodie Gale states: “They are not yet able to take responsibility for their injuries, their feelings, their needs, and the resulting problems in life.”
4. They lie a lot
Lying is just another habitual method toxic people use to avoid taking responsibility for their own lives. Toxic people often lie as a result of a negative self-image, but they also lie to achieve their goals. Additionally, lying could become a compulsive behavior for the toxic individual in question if they also have an untreated personality condition.
Lying is a habit for those who most likely have some deep-seated insecurities. It makes sense to want to be sympathetic to someone experiencing such intense insecurity, but it also suggests that they are clearly untrustworthy. And if you believe that the people who lie in your life are simply deceiving others and not you, you need to reconsider.
5. They enjoy bragging
First, bragging and celebrating your achievements are not the same thing.
It’s positive to feel good about yourself, but it can also be positive to be competitive.
It is undoubtedly harmful to feel that you have to be “better” than everyone else and to find validation in outdoing your friends and family. Toxic people are always looking for ways to outdo others. Whether they do it by bragging about how much better their partner, career, or yoga poses are than others, this behavior is unhealthy and almost constant. Deep-seated insecurity is the source of this urge to brag and is an unhealthy behavior to participate in or witness.
6. They discredit others
Toxic people tend to belittle other people as a result of the aforementioned unresolved anger, fear of expressing their emotions, and ingrained insecurities.
This brings up the point that toxic people often have very low self-esteem again. As Maria Bogdanos pointed out in an article for Psych Central, toxic people’s desire to minimize other people is likely a holdover from unresolved childhood trauma. This sometimes leads to caustic sarcasm or mocking and swearing at others. Regardless of how it comes about, however, this pattern of chronic condescension is incredibly problematic, and toxic people love to try to make it look funny. It’s not funny, though—rather, it’s a sign of emotional abuse. Do not condone or participate in such behavior.
7. They procrastinate to the extreme
I believe everyone has put something down at times, but negative people often turn it into an art form. What this all boils down to is the reality that toxic people do not accept responsibility for their own lives and may not even have defined personal goals.
Toxic people will sometimes wait as long as you allow them to reciprocate, even if they don’t have to delay fulfilling their demands or achieving their goals.
8. They take great pride in discussing people behind their backs
Gossip feeds the appetite of the toxic.
And by slander, I mean those that are very cruel, abusive, dishonest, and slanderous and that damage people’s reputations.
Even people who spend the most time with love and profess love develop a habit of talking about toxic people this way.
Know that your friends or partner who engages in such scurrilous gossip about your mutual acquaintances are probably also gossiping about you when you’re not there.
9. They exercise manipulation and control
Psychotic individuals control others for a variety of reasons. According to Psychology Today, attention-seeking narcissistic people can be manipulative on occasion.
Sometimes the source of this manipulative need is the need to feel predatory. Toxic individuals can also control others just based on their own emotional instability.
Toxic people are naturally unable to accept responsibility for their own life, emotions, and problems, and therefore constantly seek to control and manipulate other people. This is why they feel the need to influence and control others. Subsequently, they will try to mask their toxic, emotionally abusive, and controlling behavior as genuinely caring for the people they are trying to control and manipulate.
It becomes a game for toxic people to identify your emotional vulnerabilities and then use them to manipulate you. You can’t “fix” toxic people because there are many complex reasons why they become chronic manipulators.
On the other hand, talk to a mental health professional if you feel the need to manipulate and control others around you. The people you care about most will suffer if you don’t.
In conclusion, recognizing and addressing toxic behaviors is critical to maintaining mental and emotional well-being. While the occasional slip into toxic behavior is normal, consistent patterns of behavior that harm others stem from deeper issues within the individual. From deflecting blame to manipulation and control, toxic behaviors often arise from unresolved hurts and insecurities. It is essential to set boundaries and prioritize your own health by avoiding toxic individuals whenever possible. Seeking support from mental health professionals can also provide guidance for navigating relationships with toxic people and fostering healthier connections. Remember, understanding toxic behaviors is the first step to protecting yourself and fostering positive, fulfilling relationships.