Do you think it’s hot to call someone “Daddy” in bed?
Or have you ever wondered why some men like to be called “Daddy”? A surprisingly s*xy way to try a power play is to use the term in a s*xual context. Anyone can name their lover “Daddy” for some S*xual fun,
although this is a prevalent practice in BDSM relationships, which usually involve a combination of dominance, submission, and control. You may be familiar with the term “daddy” from your favorite sad or porn, but what does it mean and why is it so appealing?
s*x instructor Dirty Lola tells Elite Daily, “The name ‘Dad’ conveys the impression of someone who cares, can handle, and knows how to solve problems.” “Basically, [Dad] is someone who takes care of you. Whether you want to call someone ‘daddy’ or want them to call you ‘daddy’, I believe that’s what attracts people.”
“Daddy” doesn’t have to be used in a kinky or S*xual way, despite the leather-dominant clichés that kill in BDSM; in fact, it may occasionally suggest a more nurturing position. Calling someone “Dad” can be a light-hearted way of expressing affection, even in platonic settings. (For example, refer to your helpful friend who works as a real estate agent as “house dad” whenever you have a plumbing or home repair question.) It can be playful and enjoyable to use the term in a non-s*xual setting, and it can lead to many erotic opportunities.
When you tap into father energy, you can play with everything from S*xual power and control to nurturing and nurturing. Here’s what the experts have to say about why the daddy game is so popular and how to get started if you want to bring that dynamic into the bedroom or just appreciate the attraction.
What qualifies as a daddy?
The word is used everywhere from “Daddy Bods” to calling celebrities “Daddy” to DILFys (Daddy I Want To F*ck). Despite its long-standing use in the Kink and LGBT communities, the term “daddy” has recently gained popularity.
According to a 2019 study published in the journal Psychology & S*xuality, increased searches on porn websites showed the increasing popularity of DILF. The study found that traits such as “nurturing, dominant, and domesticated” were “demonstrably attractive” to female-identified participants and that men with children were more often associated with warmth and empathy. In other words, being a real father can be appealing, and the name “Dad” can serve as a reminder of that smoldering, caring atmosphere.
So what does it mean to be a father? Although it sounds like a gendered term, experts say there are no formal prerequisites and that anyone can use it.
“Dads don’t know gender,” says Lola. “The name may be different, but anyone can play the role of dad. The roles are the same whether you’re a dad, a dad, or a daddy. In LGBTQ+ cultures, ‘femme dad’ is often used, and ‘daddy’ and ‘Zaddy’ are pretty much equivalent. “
A femme is a person who presents themselves in a way that is typically associated with women. A dad is a person who takes the position of a dad and exhibits these traits. Dad in high heels and lipstick? Why not?
Many individuals automatically associate “mom” and “dad” with authority figures. (Some individuals even find it offensive to call a S*xual partner “Daddy” because they think it’s a sign of pedophilia or incest, even though it’s unrelated.) Calling your partner “Daddy” as an adult has very little to do with your relationship. with parents and it is not always about reliving or repairing real family bonds.
“The way I like to explain daddy play is that many people want to explore belonging, safety, and release in a safe container,” says trained s*x therapist Angie Gunn, LCSW, in an interview with Elite Daily. Calling someone “Daddy” can help you “get into the role” during a S*xual encounter, he explains. “The process of regaining control and independence can be a means of healing more serious childhood injuries. But, she adds, “it can also be purely erotic, drawing on stimuli related to power.”
While the name “Daddy” may initially evoke a specific meaning, it can also serve as a springboard for a discussion of power dynamics.
“In my experience, those who give off fatherly vibes have been caring but firm,” continues Lola. “They are very good at caring for others in a way that surrounds you with a sense of security and stability.” Ultimately, the dynamic of your relationship and your comfort level is what matters most about whether you want to use this phrase with your partner. How do you and your partner feel when they call you “Dad”? This should serve as the basis for your erotic investigation.
What makes Daddy Play so appealing?
For a variety of reasons, addressing someone as “Dad” can be tricky, especially when it comes to power dynamics. Daddy, the book and upcoming feature film written by gay novelist, activist, and kink and s*x educator Madison Young, characterizes the role as “the guy who’s in control.” Having a partner who is ready to take charge, whether in or out of the bedroom, can be very tempting in an uncertain environment. (While s*x is awesome, have you ever seen someone fold laundry skillfully?)
Daddy’s play provides an opportunity to explore what Young refers to as various psychological archetypes, which are universal symbols that represent ordinary, identifiable individuals (eg father or mother). “If someone feels an erotic charge when someone calls them ‘Daddy,’ or they call someone else ‘Daddy,’ it’s helpful to sit with that and think about what energies or qualities it contains,” says Young. For example, calling your partner “Daddy” can make him feel strong and powerful, making him interested in you. You will be more inspired to explore your dreams and desires together when you discover where the spark comes from.
Vulnerability is a prerequisite for role-playing in any capacity. But as Young points out, one of the benefits of playing dad is the ability to relax and feel protected. The Daddy dynamic, she says, creates “[a] place where vulnerability can exist [and] where it’s safe to let go and experience surrender.” Is there anything s*xier than that?
Daddy play provides a framework that is equally accessible to novices and seasoned kinksters alike, making it easy to play with power, control, vulnerability, and submission.
Daddy Play for Newbies
Experts advise not to surprise someone with new forms of kink or s*x. If you’re thinking about using “Daddy” for the first time, be sure to talk it over with your partner first to make sure you’re both comfortable with what’s going on in bed. “Any new type of game requires old-fashioned conversations,” explains Lola.
“Sitting down with your partner and talking about why you’re interested in the game and how you’d like the game to turn out is a great place to start.”
You can experiment with different phrases and names if you like the potential power dynamic of “dad”, but this particular word doesn’t hold much appeal.
There are dozens if not hundreds of alternatives depending on whether you create your own honorifics or use those from existing BDSM roles. Discuss with them what turns your partner on and then try to think of a word that describes those qualities.
Titles like Maestro, Headmaster, or Headmistress, for example, can be a no-nonsense way to bring a power dynamic into the bedroom if the authority figure is on.
“You can define the role of dad as you see fit. According to Young, there is no one way to be a father or to be in a relationship with a father, just as there is no one way to be gay. It’s up to you.” for dad to play it.
Daddy play is so beginner-friendly and attractive because of its great adaptability.
Your ideal father can be funny or strict, controlling (as agreed), or tenderly nurturing.
You can express your desires to your partner by agreeing on the type of daddy play you would like to explore. Try any of the options above if they appeal to you, and don’t be afraid to tweak “Daddy” to your personal preferences.
Professionals:
Speaker, entertainer, and s*x educator Dirty Lola
Madison Young is the author of Daddy, a memoir and upcoming film. Host, producer, and director of the s*x-positive documentary series Submission Possible
Angie Gunn is a Certified s*x Therapist with an LCSW.
The concept of calling someone “Daddy” in intimate contexts is woven into a complex interplay of power dynamics, nurturing instincts, and personal desires. Although the term is often associated with BDSM and kink, it can resonate in different ways depending on the individuals involved. At its core, attraction lies in the sense of safety and care that the word evokes, allowing for both vulnerability and empowerment in a relationship. As Dirty Lola notes, the title suggests a character who is in charge and protective, which can be deeply comforting in an intimate setting.
Additionally, the growing popularity of “Daddy” culture reflects broader societal trends that emphasize the appeal of nurturing partners’ dominant traits. The term can transcend its traditional meanings and become a versatile tool for exploring eroticism and intimacy in ways that resonate with personal experiences and preferences. Whether you lean toward playful banter or a deeper power exchange, the adaptability of the “dad game” allows individuals to create their own definitions and dynamics.
For those new to this concept, communication is key. Discussing the interests, boundaries, and nuances of what “daddy” means to each partner can foster a trusting environment and pave the way for exploration and connection.
As with any intimate experience, the most fulfilling encounters come from mutual understanding and respect, allowing both partners to explore new sides of their S*xuality while strengthening their emotional bond. Ultimately, embracing the “daddy” dynamic can lead to exciting and rewarding experiences, making it a compelling path for both experienced and novice s*xual explorers.