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A Future No One Could Own

It doesn’t make headlines.

But it was the realest work I have ever done.

It happened in small, unglamorous increments.

The first time I caught my own reflection and didn’t silently catalog a flaw.

The first time I made a plan for myself a year out, which meant I had started to believe I’d have a year.

The first time I said the words it was never my fault out loud, alone, in my own kitchen, and heard how strange and true they sounded.

For four years a man had held a false report between us like a mirror and told me it was my reflection.

Learning to look away from that mirror — to trust my own eyes over the image he’d painted — was not a single triumphant moment.

It was a thousand small refusals to pick the mirror back up.

Some days I still have to make that refusal.

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