It meant he had not been frightened, and had not been cold, and had not been alone, and had not waited for anybody, because there had been no him to do any of those things.

I built eleven months of structure on that and it held me up.

And on the twenty-eighth of February I sat on a concrete floor and found out that my son had been somewhere.

He had been in a room, one floor above me, for fifty-one hours, with lights and noises and people’s hands on him, and a cooling blanket, and a nurse called Petra writing settled at four in the morning.

Dr.