I have thought a great deal, since, about why that particular form of control is so hard to see, and so hard to explain to people who have not lived inside it, and I think the answer is that it disguises itself as generosity.

A man who hits his wife is a villain in any story; everyone can see the bruise, name the crime, take her side.

But a man who buys his wife a beautiful car, and pays for her comfortable life, and provides for her every visible need — that man looks, to the entire watching world and often to the wife herself, like a good provider, even a devoted one.

The control is invisible precisely because it wears the mask of care.

When Brandon reminded me that his income was sufficient and the children needed me at home, he sounded generous.

When he took a statement gently from my hands and told me not to worry my head over it, he sounded protective.