I knew who was calling, knew why I was not ready, and intended to decide when I could speak without falling apart.

I did not need to pretend those choices were identical to admit I was avoiding him.

That afternoon, when I was rested enough, I met the producer in a quiet room with Ruth beside me.

The woman put a legal pad on the table and asked before turning on a recorder.

“You can stop whenever you want,” she said.

I gave her copies.

The originals stayed separate.