“I want this in your name,” I said.

“Entirely.” “I don’t need you to buy me property to earn my forgiveness,” she said.

“I’m not trying to buy it.

I’m trying to give back the security I took from you.

But every decision, from now on, we make together.” In the end we bought it in both our names, with legal protection for her share, and a reliable family car, and we replaced the mismatched furniture one piece at a time — together, which was the whole point.

I had wanted the apartment in her name alone, and it took me a while to understand why, and why she was right to refuse it.