Service doesn’t depend on them being there.”

I knew that.

My reason for going was different.

I wanted him to see them.

That desire made me uncomfortable because it was not as tidy as the paperwork.

Some part of me still hoped that three small faces would reach him where months of messages had not.

Another part wanted him to be unable to describe fatherhood as a vague responsibility waiting somewhere offscreen.

I did not need to make either feeling admirable before admitting it existed.