The whole truth is that some deep, watchful part of me, a part I did not consult and did not want to acknowledge, had known for years that this day was coming.

It had known, beneath all my conscious hoping and excusing and forgiving, that the people I was giving everything to would one day turn on me, and it had quietly, patiently, without my permission, been preparing for that day.

It is a strange and slightly haunting thing, to discover that a wiser version of yourself has been building your lifeboat for years while the rest of you insisted the ship was fine.

My conscious mind spent five years believing that this was my home and these were people who loved me.