It would have been easy, and in some families it would have been automatic, to make the decision for him, either to force the visit in the name of forgiveness and family reconciliation, or to forbid it in the name of protection.

Both would have been the adults deciding, once again, what happened to Lucas without asking him.

And after a night defined, at its core, by an adult who never asked, Julian and I were determined that our son would be asked, about this and about everything that concerned his own healing.

He had had his agency stripped from him so completely on that terrible night, made powerless, unheard, acted upon.

The least we could do, and in truth one of the most important things we could do, was to give it back, to make him the author of his own decisions about who he did and did not have to see.