And all of that is a way of asking the wronged child to absorb the discomfort so that the adults around her can be spared the awkwardness of her honesty.

I was not going to do that to my daughter.

If Daisy wanted to hug Laura, she could.

If she did not, she did not have to, and no one was going to make her feel that her reluctance was a failing.

Her feelings about the mother who had left her at nine months old were hers, entirely, to have and to act on as she chose.

Giving her that, the simple freedom not to pretend, felt to me like a more important gift than anything on the registry.