That is the whole problem.

His psychologist — a man named Dr.

Emeka Duruji, who I would give a kidney to — said something to me in the fourth month that reorganized how I handled all of it.

He said: “Everybody is offering Toby a version of his father in which none of the good parts happened.

He can’t take it, because he was there.

So every time somebody offers it, he has to defend the man, out loud or in his head, and that is doing more damage than the original event.

“You have to be the one who says both things in the same sentence, and keeps saying it, for about ten years.”