I say it because it is what she was, and because for about six weeks I believed it was the whole of it, and because I was working, in those six weeks, on some version of continuing.

My marriage ended eleven days later, in a lawyer’s conference room, over a completely different question, and the answer to it took her four seconds.

I will get there.

Standing at that window, though, I made a decision, and it is the one I want to hand to anybody who ever finds themselves in a version of this.

I did not go in.

Not then.