That is my position and I have not changed it in eighteen months, and the not-changing-it is the whole of what I have instead of forgiveness.

Greta asked me, in about the second year, whether I would do it again.

Knowing all of it.

The letter, the lie, the November admission, the four months, the stairs.

And I said yes, immediately, and then had to spend about a week working out whether I had meant it.

I meant it.

But not for the reason anybody expects, and the reason is not generosity.

It is that the alternative is a version of me who, on the fifth of December, said let me think about it and then thought about it properly, and did the checking, and found out about the necessaries statute, and declined.