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I Visited a Spa Amusement Park, and It Was an Experience Like No Other.

There is a “hot springs theme park” on this planet and I was lucky – or maybe unlucky?

– recently visited one in Japan. After reading the narrative, I’ll let you decide whether to give it a try. Let’s just say that I often get into trouble when I want a “unique” beauty treatment.

Swimming is very popular in Japan. The BBC claims that onsens, which are essentially communal or public baths, are powered by water from natural hot springs that flow throughout the country. They can be held outdoors or indoors, are s*x-segregated, and are usually attended by nudes. It is seen as a means of relaxation and stress relief, as well as a means of strengthening relationships with others. One of my guides told me that his childhood experiences in public baths taught him how to communicate with others.

Rich in these natural springs, Hakone, a two-hour train ride west of Tokyo, has developed into something of a Japanese bathing resort. I actually dreamed that some clever person had the means to turn these hot springs into a full-fledged bath-themed theme park, complete with tubs for red wine, sake, green tea, and coffee. Of course, I had to go on a recent trip to Japan.

I went with my mother and as soon as we entered the park we knew it wasn’t… not like a conventional onsen at all. It didn’t seem like a peaceful place to rest; rather it resembled the entrance to Splashtown USA. The huge hall had escalators and the ceiling was painted in parts to resemble an aquarium. In addition, there were two gift shops with everything from swim diapers to pool floats (not the hip, Instagram-worthy swans). (Diapers? Oh boy.)

Regardless of my expectations, it was definitely more “theme park” than “spa”.

After a few minutes of standing in a Disneyland-style queue, we finally arrived at the front to check in. asked the man behind the desk.

Mom then gently told me that I would have to manage it myself.

Since the tubs I wanted to try were clothed, I decided to stick with the clothed option.

As is customary in many Japanese homes and establishments, we were asked to take off our shoes upon first entering the building. You were given slippers to walk in and the cloakroom was spotless. Because you never know what happens to a swimsuit when you put it in coffee, I put on my least favorite bikini. And decided to enter several heated indoor pools that were stocked with morning drinks and alcohol.

As I walked barefoot across the wet carpet towards the tubs, I began to have second thoughts. The humidity was already causing my hair to frizz and my mother’s constant “Are you sure you want to do this?” questions every 30 seconds made it worse. (She declined to join me in the tub, but was there to offer moral support.) A professional photographer offered me a lei and asked if I wanted to take a picture of the backdrop, which looked like a cruise ship, as we entered the area. , which could have served as an indoor YMCA pool, but with more children. I politely declined.

That kid who threw up in the pool during a summer camp trip in 2001 is the reason I’ve never been a fan of water parks, so I was starting to worry that this was going to be a much more similar experience than the conventional baths I’d experienced so far. had expectation.

As excited as I was at the prospect of experiencing Japanese bathing culture, there was something about the combination of wine, coffee, and a photographer inspired by the cruise director that made me feel like it was nothing like the traditional spas our tour guide grew up in. participate.

As far as I could tell, it was a tourist rendition.

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by 箱根小涌園 ユネッサン / Yunessun (@yunessun_hakone)

The ‘Aegean Baths’, the focal point of the facility, are decorated to evoke something from Greek mythology. It was full of hot spring water, which I know is full of minerals that are great for your skin, but it was also full of other people, many of whom were children and many of whom were wearing bathing suits, and I couldn’t help myself I think it looked a lot like human soup. The steam rising from the mountain certainly didn’t help.

To the left was a whole pool of “doctor fish” that scrapedpedhe dead skin off your feet to give you the most painful pedicure ever. I tried it in Thailand and didn’t like it. I found it quite disturbing because it tickles so (so, so, so), but if you move your legs in response to the tickling, you risk killing the fish. Luckily I didn’t have to think about giving it another chance as this pool was closed (perhaps to give the fish a rest?).

I finally arrived at a spa that I could manage.

The first is a red wine bath. For a final red wine bath, I was treated to a private bath, luxury spa, and head massage as I munched on cheese and grapes like a Greek goddess. This was not the case in this case.

I don’t normally like screaming and dripping babies while drinking or bathing in red wine, but that’s exactly what I had the honor of doing with this one. However, I jumped in and tried to relax, knowing that soaking in this stuff has real benefits for the skin.

Resveratrol, a powerful antioxidant found in red wine, has been shown to help fight the signs of aging. In an email, Sarah Walker, a family nurse practitioner at McLean Dermatology and Skincare Center, informs me that it might also help prevent UV damage. “Other components of red wine, such as tannins, can reduce the inflammation that causes the aging process to accelerate [when you bathe in it.”

I spent some time artfully directing my mom for a wine-themed photo shoot that involved pretending to drink red-dyed bath water after we hung out for a while.

The coffee bath came next. I must admit that I was a little grossed out by this one, most likely due to the waterpark pooper from earlier. Although I drink about as much coffee as Lorelai Gilmore, I wasn’t too excited about the prospect of relaxing in the beverage. The fact that you could smell the coffee from a hundred yards away did not allay my worries; this stuff was potent and unquestionably authentic.

“Coffee baths can help dilate blood vessels, which temporarily tones and tightens tissue while improving circulation and reducing water retention,” explains Walker. “These benefits can help temporarily smooth the dimpled appearance of cellulite.”

I jumped in and prayed. I stayed about a minute and a half before leaving.

Then came the almost identical-looking baths of sake and green tea. They were actually much more attractive than the other two. They were considerably smaller and the water in each was quite a pale green, giving the impression that you were in a real spa.

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by 箱根小涌園 ユネッサン / Yunessun (@yunessun_hakone)

“Detoxification and relaxation are two benefits of a green tea bath. The powerful antioxidants in green tea can help prevent aging and soften the skin. Plus, it contains minerals and B vitamins that help keep skin supple and youthful,” says Walker.

“Fermented rice wine is called sake. Amino acids and kojic acids are released during fermentation. “Kojic acids help hydrate, soften, and brighten the skin, and amino acids are powerful anti-aging agents,” continued Walker. As the only single person in a group of happy-looking couples, I spent some time hanging out in these two tubs and was even lucky enough to have them to myself for a while.

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by 箱根小涌園 ユネッサン / Yunessun (@yunessun_hakone)

We went outside after I finished my indoor dip. This time I really wanted to get to the lake because it was freezing. The fact that there were fewer people outside and that the humid indoor air was gone was a relief. My fear of heights and general aversion to water parks prevented me from going down the water slide that led to the large pool.

The highlight of the whole trip was by far the “hot spring under the open sky with a nice view”, as it exactly sounded. It was perched on the edge of the building and offered a view of the neighboring mountain range. I took a dip in one of the pools and simply relaxed; for the first time in the entire trip, I finally found the moment of peace I was looking for.

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by 箱根小涌園 ユネッサン / Yunessun (@yunessun_hakone)

Just in case you were wondering, the nude part of the spa that I didn’t go to is a bit more spa-like than the areas I saw. Instagram says it looks like this:

It was definitely an experience of a lifetime, even if Yunessun was not exactly what I expected. When I got the chance to experience a traditional onsen later in the trip, I realized how unusual my introduction to group bathing was. The other onsen I visited was much more peaceful and nicer than the theme park version (and just so you know, no diapers in sight) and didn’t have the coffee, wine, or professional photographers I imagined. I even dared to approach the naked ones.

Visiting a hot spring theme park in Japan was an unforgettable experience that mixed novelty with a touch of chaos. While I entered expecting to indulge in a peaceful traditional onsen bath, I quickly realized that this place was more of a carnival than a peaceful retreat. The vibrant atmosphere filled with families and playful distractions created a stark contrast to the quiet reflection typically associated with Japanese bathing culture. 

Despite the initial disappointment, I embraced the unique offerings, from red wine baths to coffee steeps, and remembered the potential skin benefits the experts were touting. Each bath had its own quirks, turning the experience into a lighthearted adventure rather than a conventional spa day. The humor of trying to enjoy the red wine amidst the laughter and splashing of children was an unexpected highlight that turned the day into a memorable trip rather than a comforting escape.

My time at this theme park ended up being a fascinating introduction to the wider world of Japanese bathing traditions. While I appreciated the playfulness of the onsen experience, it was subsequent visits to more traditional establishments that really resonated with me. These tranquil environments allowed for true relaxation and cultural connection, which enhanced my understanding of the art of communal bathing.

This juxtaposition reinforced the idea that while unconventional experiences can be enjoyable, there is something special about immersing yourself in the authenticity and serenity of traditional practices. My journey through Japanese bathing culture ended up being enriched by both theme park whimsy and tranquil onsens, leaving me with a deeper appreciation for this unique aspect of Japanese life.

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